Could it be because it’s the last day I’ll live with Marvin? And the cats? Or because I’m having general anesthesia tomorrow? Or because no one will hire me?

I so don't feel like blogging today.

My magnetic personality

The Nester says you shouldn't have refrigerator magnets because they're tacky. So I mostly listened to her and have had a nearly blank (for me) fridge. But yesterday Marvin was packing and he said, "Look what's in this tin!"

There were all sorts of magnets I had packed away. I dumped out that tin and culled through everything. Yes, I am still using the word "culled" today.

Not only was I trying to be untacky per The Nester, but I also had to remove some of my fridge stuff to make room for Marvin's. Since the day I moved in with him in 1997, I have had the logo of some long-defunct FM radio station in LA on my fridge. It was a black-and-yellow magnet.

Today I threw it on his pile of stuff to go. "You want this?" I said. "Oh, YES!" he exclaimed, as if he'd almost forgotten his spleen.

Here's some stuff I put back up today, on my fridge. You know, after the culling.

I put up the photo of my Aunt Mary and me at the garlic festival, wearing, yes, garlic hats. We are held up by the ludicrous leiderhosen boy from Frankenmuth, Michigan, who is similarly holding up my aura picture. It's a shame how leiderhosen boy has a big piece of white poop on his head. Or maybe he, too, has on a garlic hat.

He looks a little like a leiderhosen blow-up doll, now that I'm concentrating on him.

When I moved to Seattle, I was obsessed with how much I hearted it. Here is one of many tacky Seattle magnets I had put away until now. It is holding up a photo of Uncle Jim, mom, Aunt Kathy and my tall Uncle John.

Am cracking self up that when I wrote "Aunt Kathy" I linked to her Betty Fart story.

See? Another magnet from Seattle. And that one is FILTHY. Must go wash it.

Some day I wish to win an award for Best Photography Blog. Anyway, this is my favorite photo of my grandfather and me, shucking corn. It is held up by a Susan magnet. Susan was Laura Ingalls' cat. I understand that I am a freak and it is no wonder I could not keep a man.

Above the corn photo is a cute one of Talu and me. I am the one wearing shoes.

Okay, I GOT UP and took a new one of us shucking corn. I mean, I did not go back in time, put on that Ruth Buzzy sundress and have this photo taken all over again. I went back to the fridge and took another shot. Got me a nice bottle of water, too.

These were the first three magnets I ever bought, for my first apartment when I got my first job. My roommate worked for some bath store: Bath & Body Works or Oh! I remember! He worked at Linens Ampersand Things. I just remembered that because that's what I'd call it. I would say the word "ampersand" and think I was hilarious. He said things like "kitchen linens" instead of towels because apparently that was the lingo.

Anyway, I think we got a discount on these; I thought the beehive was a hoot. I have been lugging these magnets around with me from Saginaw, Michigan to Seattle, then to LA, then to TinyTown, then to here.

I act like magnets are so hard to move around. "Lugging."

Here's some photo booth picture of me from God knows when. Note that it, too, is filthy. And held up by a cat magnet. A cat magnet is a person who makes a lot of money from cats. BAHAHAHAA. If there were such a thing I would be a millionaire by now.

Highschool And finally, here is a picture of me from high school, with our senior class president trying to lift my dress, and our vice president licking me. Nice. Proud. I never appreciated that that vice president was really cute until after high school, and now he lives in some other country and has a fabulous life.


And I'm sorry. I really tried to get a better image for you, but on my ring finger, there, is my nice class ring, which is probably why I was bringing all the student government to the yard.

So, Nester, my old pal, I apologize. My magnets are back up. I am not perfect and shiny and lacking in the tacky. I am messy and the opposite of minimal and sort of obnoxious. I know you love me anyway.

And oh, it made me happy to get my magnets out of their cold dark tin and rock out with my leiderhosen out.