Completely Modo

I have no doubt that you lovingly crafted and maintained a List of All June’s Ailments, so I know you’ll recall the plantar fasciitis of 2012. I remember the year because that’s the year I started dating Ned, and I was consumed with looking cute so he’d like me back. And no one looks cuter than Limpadoo Limpado, with her limp. “Won’t you have the relations with me? Here’s my hot Quasimodo impresh.”

So then I had to spend $100 on these MaryJanes that looked like I was teaching pottery at the Learning Annex.

No. Wait. You know what? The hard-soled MaryJane purchase was from the great broken toe debacle of 2017 or ’18.

The point is, I have plantar fasciitis again. And it’s hard to spell, which literally adds insult to injury. I think I got it because I was trying to walk a lot more to shed the 9,000 pounds I gained in my solitary don’t-get-the-plague year. I can’t even remember what I did about it those 9 years ago, when Lily was young and I wore heels to make Ned desire me. I think I got a shot in my heel.

SHOT IN THE HEEL, AND YOU’RE TO BLAME.

Ding DANG it I’m annoyed. This is why I should just sit around. Maybe find one of those men who are into chubby women.

In other news, no one will stop bugging me. Every sentence I write you, another notification pops up on my text or email. No wonder my heel hurts—OH MY GOD THERE GOES ANOTHER NOTIFICATION. I liked life better before we all got computers. Back when computers were this giant lit-up thing in a room somewhere like NASA.

Anyway, the stress is going to my heel. I suppose I could look at, like, cures for plantar fasciitis, or why is plantar fasciitis so ridiculous to spell, but I am pressed for time.

I have to go. I have a meeting I have to attend, and whenever I “go” to a meeting secretly looking bad, I fear they’ll say, “Let’s all turn our cameras on today!” and everyone will see me in my NC State t-shirt and tormentor on Princess Bride hair.

I went to see The Princess Bride at my old movie theater last night. I went with Ned, and I no longer care if he thinks I’m cute or not, so that’s a relief. Anyway, during the torture scene, I asked, “Does my hair look like that?”

“No,” said Ned, who wouldn’t tell me if it did.

Then during the scene with Carol Kane, I asked, “Does my hair look like that?”

“You want some M&Ms or something?” asked Ned, who I think wanted to change the subject because it so does. Now that it’s light, I so have Carol Kane in Princess Bride hair.

OK, I really have to go. Heel advice, please. And don’t tell me to use a prong collar.

Published by

June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

36 thoughts on “Completely Modo”

  1. Achilles tendonosis caused by plantar fasciitis for me. Yay. Night splint wearing and Dr. prescribed stretches seem to be the thing for me. Doc recommends staying off your feet and not doing a lot of walking. Ha! Fucking sucks getting old!! Murray claims going barefoot will help.

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  2. I’ve had the shot three times. The last time I also did PT. I still (mostly!) start my day with a few of those exercises before I get out of bed. (Scrunch toes, like you’re making a fist then spread them wide. Pedal feet up and down. Calf stretches.) I’m also using inserts I got at the running store. I’m two years out from the last (and worst) case. So far so good. Good luck!

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  3. They make little wooden rollers, like a doll rolling pin with ridges, that you can keep under your desk and slip out of your shoes to roll/stretch while you are working. I had the PF and after taming it I’ve used the roller to keep it at bay.

    BeeBelle

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  4. The regimen that helped after years of PF (foot surgeries on bottom caused me to walk funny): PT used gua sha/scraping on my calves, heels and ankles. Hurt like hell and left me bruised for a couple of weeks, but helped to stretch the calf muscles so they don’t pull and cause pain, and also broke up the scar tissue that prevented me from stretching deeper. After a bit it started to feel so good, like a deep massage, would love to get that again. She also had me do a bunch of stretching. Get a foot rocker or an incline board and stretch daily (you can find exercises online without equipment, they just make it easier). I also wear the ugly Hoka One One shoes; they are super comfy but terribly ugly (and expensive) and they have kept PF at bay. I also never go barefoot and use Vionic slippers around the house for a slightly raised heel.

    All that said, I need to start my stretching again, as being lazy in the house and not exercising for a year has made me feel like it might be flaring up again. Good luck!

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  5. A good friend is an orthopedic surgeon who says shoes make your feet stupid. They cause the muscles in your feet to behave differently than when barefoot. From an anthropological standpoint, we were made to exist barefoot. Clearly that’s not possible anymore so shoes are causing problems. Fascinating! I had the ol’ PF for about two years from shoveling to dig out a stupid sego palm. I hated that plant, and yet it had the last laugh. I used to press my thumb deeply along the sole of my foot before I got out of bed. It helped so much.

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  6. I had the dreaded PF earlier in life when I was running. I now live in fear that it will return. The Dr. Scholl’s inserts were the thing that worked for me. I still have them in my running shoes, even though I just walk now. And I still go barefoot–I hate shoes.

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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  7. I work in a local running store and we help people with PF (I say it all the time, don’t want to spell it). It’s the problem we see the most and there is not one perfect fix. I wish there was, it would make my job much easier. The thing I have seen people have the most luck with is a shoe with a lower offset. The offset is the drop from heel to toe. You want a shoe where your heal isn’t elevated too high. When your heel is lower, it is constantly stretching your arch which is what works best to get rid of PF. A good local running store should be able to show you multiple shoes that have lower offsets. Hoka is a very popular one, and probably the least attractive. Altra is another. ON is what I wear. They aren’t the lowest offset but they are better looking. OOfos recovery sandals are great. I wear them around the house and in the garden. There are PF socks and sleeves you can try. The last resort is the Strassburg Sock which looks like a torture device. Stretching and rolling your foot is good as well. Writing the alphabet with your foot will stretch it in all directions and is really helpful. I do that while I’m watching TV. It takes a bit to work through it but it can be done! Good luck!

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      1. Hi June, Patty gave some great advice. When I experienced PF, I got hard plastic insert(s) from a orthopedic doctor (made from a mold of my feet) and I bought SAS brand shoes or brands they sold (San Antonio Shoemakers mysasshoes.com). After awhile I didn’t need the inserts but they last forever if you need them again. I still only buy shoes from SAS.

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  8. My podiatrist told me to always wear shoes with at least a 1 inch heel. Luckily after the last of my cortisone shots in my heels I got a promotion to an office job so I could wear high heels (as opposed to dressy flats). Problem was solved. But I also never go barefoot or even wear house slippers. I always wear shoes around the house and have custom orthotics. I have not had a problem since.

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  9. Hilarious post. Sorry, I’m not laughing at the PF, because it hurts so bad. I stepped in a hole that resulted in the PF that lasted I over a year. I finally went to the orthodontist that suggested I wear a real good pair of running shoes. At the time that was New Balance I’ve since discovered Brooks running shoes are good for me. The running shoes did help, but I still can’t go barefooted, my house shoes are Teva flip flops.
    Tee

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  10. Poor Joon. I’ve had me the PF several times, and it sucks. Since you asked for advice, here’s my two-cents. Last time I went to expensive Physical Therapy and they gave me some like balancing exercises, but not sure that really sped up the healing any. They did suggest tight calves were probably the culprit in my case. I tried the stretching night sock, too, but it made my foot too hot so I had to quit wearing it. I also tried acupuncture because I had a coupon but the practitioner said it probably wouldn’t help much, which it didn’t. Here’s what has worked for me in the past: 1) Rest. Seriously, walking around just exacerbates it. 2) Ice. With the frozen water bottle rolled under your foot as others have suggested. 3) Stretching. I think this helped me the most. Seriously stretch your calves throughout the day. 4) Anti-inflammatory medicines. (If you can tolerate them.) The doc said having something to fight the inflammation consistently in your blood stream will help. I took low-dose ibuprofen for a couple of weeks. 5) NEVER go barefoot. I have gone through umpteen pairs of Halflinger slippers, which are easy to kick on and off and have a great arch support. Good luck fighting this bitch!

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  11. I have PF, not PF Flyers, and what I’ve found is that I cannot go barefoot. Not even around my house. It’s just too painful. Stretching didn’t really help me much but what does is OTC insoles. They’re called Profoot Orthotics, they’re cheap and goddamn they work. I buy them on Amazon because I can’t always find them in stores. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00RDKQ004/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o05_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

    I’ve also found that if a shoe or sandal doesn’t have some kind of arch support, even minimal, those shoes are no better than going barefoot. I’d love to wear cute strappy sandals or cute sneakers but I pretty much live in Hoka Clifton running shoes or my Birkenstocks. Because I’m a Fashionista.

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  12. Thanks for so many suggestions! I do not have PF but one of my sons does. He invested in some very expensive braces and shoes from Good Feet (in AZ) and they help some but not enough. I am just wondering what type of shot is given for this? I think he needs that.
    I have gone barefoot my entire life – especially since living in AZ and then in NC too. Lucky for me but never had PF. However, now have some neuropathy and it is a toss up as to what feels best – barefoot inside but shoes outside always! Anyone have helps for Neuropathy?

    June – that Kane hair is not yours! yikes

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  13. I echo the never, ever, ever walk barefoot comments. I use Mephisto sandals as house slippers/shoes. My chiropodist recommended using heat on the soles of the feet for 10 min. first thing in the morning, not ice, as heat helps relax the fascia, whereas ice tightens it up.

    After hobbling around for a long time, I finally got the shot in one heel and the other heel resolved itself with heat and sadly sensible footwear. Also, I buy and hoard custom orthotics as often as my health plan will allow, as well as Sole inserts (more affordable). You heat Sole inserts in a low oven, then stand on them to mold them to your feet.

    Good luck, and put your best foot forward.

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    1. That was funny. Also, for the last 17 months, I have walked around this house with no shoes on. I wonder if that’s my problem. I mean, we could get into “What’s June’s problem” an be here all day. But I mean planter fasheeeeyiiitis wise.

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  14. I feel your PF pain. Literally.

    Here’s what works for me –

    1. never ever ever walk barefoot. Ever.
    2. A special foot brace thing that I wear to bed that keeps your foot contorted so the tendon or whatever it is stays stretched all night.
    3. When all else fails, get the shot.

    I am intrigued by the special PF shoes. I will someday invest in those, too, no doubt.

    What is the plantar good for anyway?

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  15. Roll your foot over a golf ball whenever you can, which is harder and smaller than a tennis ball, Ned should have one I would think? I also put my foot up on the armrest of my sofa while lying down so it was elevated, with an ice pack under my foot, stay off it as much as possible for a week or two, that worked for me, good luck!

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  16. Gonna have to follow this to see if there are good tips of helping PF (not gonna try to spell it). I had it in both feet at the same time several years ago and fear a return visit v

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    1. Ooh, read through the comments and there are several things that might help me. Thanks everyone. June, hope some of these suggestions help you!!!

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    2. I got the shot too, and it did help. I also bought some Aasic tennis shoes. I got them from Academy (here in KY), and wore them everyday. They worker wonders.

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  17. MaryJanes that looked like I was teaching pottery at the Learning Annex. That one did me in…whew I needed that chuckle this morning! Princess Bride, one of my all time favorites! Incidentally, I am recovering from a mastectomy that I had just last week. I do not mention this to steal the thunder from your PF issue, I promise!! I am healing, crazy blessed and other than being sore feel amazing. Anyway, as is true with any surgery recovery I need a little help with, well, most everything! My husband has taken to replying to my requests with “as you wish” and NOW has started calling me Buttercup! I mean if I had to pick a princess name, Buttercup would 100% be at the top of my list!

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    1. So glad that you are feeling good (hope the soreness goes away soon). Your beloved(?) husband is really asking for it! 😆. Take care!

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  18. I got professionally made orthotics and my pf went away completely after a few weeks, and that was many years ago. I put them in my running shoes and wore them every waking hour. On the rare occasion that I wear dress shoes, I go without. My sister is currently trying to deal with hers with OTC Dr. Scholls shoe inserts with little success.
    Good luck. I hope you find some relief. I remember how painful it was.

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  19. GIVE MY DAUGHTER THE SHOT!! Plantar fasciitis can go f*ck itself. Hurts more first thing on the morning. I had stretches to do before I got out of bed but the cortisone injection was the most effective relief. I think shoes/sandals that drop the heel added to the problem.

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  20. I got a compact stationary bike and it’s a good workout that doesn’t hurt your joints or feet. My brother has bad PF & arthritis. He wears his shoes with orthotics all day, being barefoot makes him worse.

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  21. I also have had and now have the plantar fasciitis. Rolling my foot on a tennis ball or a frozen water bottle helped. I also bought some very stiff inserts called, I kid you not, Heel That Pain. I used them in all of my shoes religiously until my foot was better. Limping sucks.

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  22. I purchased this type of sock and it really helped me. I couldn’t find the exact one I bought.

    Also, freeze a bottle of water and roll your foot over it. Ice will help relieve the pain.

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  23. I know you don’t love advice. So take this or leave it. I am a runner and used to suffer from PF. It is awful. These shoes saved me:https://www.oofos.com/collections/womens-sandals

    They are ugly, and I only wear them around the house and walking the dog, but they are incredible. And they fixed me in about 2 days (something that my weekly PT could not do in months). I leave them at the side of my bed, so they are the first thing I step into when getting up in the morning.

    Sorry about the advice. I just didn’t want you to have to deal with PF if you didn’t have to.

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  24. I JUST re read the post where you bought all of those shoes! Any time you don’t post I go back and randomly pick something in your archives. Remember the pink Doc Martens you returned?? No advice but hope your heel get its shit together!

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  25. Calf stretches really help (calf in your leg, not cute little baby moo-moo calf) – you can find illustrations on the internets; also, let me once again proclaim my love of FitFlops, with their microwobbleboard technology, whatever that is – some people swear by them for helping with their plantar fascitis. When mine is acting up, the FitFlops are less irritating to it than my running sneakers. Some are expensive, but you can get them off Amazon for around $50.

    FitFlops are awesome.

    Also, the ol’ rolling a cold Coke can under your foot feels good when it’s really hurting. And then you drink the Coke (WITH ICE) as you languish on the couch, the ice makes it elegant and not sad.

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  26. My daughter got results from those boots/braces you wear at night. Hers were a clunky combo of plastic and Velcro and not cheap. Maybe they are improved now. In think they keep your feet flexed.

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  27. The PF is a bitch. I had it for over a year because I stepped on a lego and it was in the heel of my foot. I kid not. The doctor actually asked what I’d done (I was running and entering all the races I could find at the time) and I was flat PO’d that it was not a running injury.

    My chiropractor gave me an essential oil blend to put on my heel (let me say that the people who were all “essential oils solve everything” were NOWHERE TO BE FOUND during covid) and the foot brace helps.
    Foot brace like this:
    https://medi-dyne.com/products/x-brace?variant=14047197036587&currency=USD&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&keyword_session_id=vt~adwords|kt~|mt~|ta~492266127359&_vsrefdom=wordstream&gclid=Cj0KCQjwk4yGBhDQARIsACGfAeu12_kk5aj4wD2FdV6GiDUqJd_MV7HEzryadtFmQ5t0kcsl3HPNVIcaArb9EALw_wcB

    There are also exercises for it that you can ask the google that will speed up the recovery of it.

    In summary, that’s a big ‘goddammit’ on the PF. I’ll wear the PF Awareness ribbon in your honor (someone tell me what color that is).

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