June returns from buying things

Perhaps, since I haven’t written in awhile, you wonder if something dramatic happened. It pains me to say nothing did. For dramatic announcements: They’re where I get my strength.

But I have none.

The truth is, I just had stuff to do that wasn’t in my regular rotation, so I got messed up. Like, the days I see my trainer, I get home at 7:10 a.m., and I have to be at work by 8. Throw kitten care into that and all of a sudden you don’t have time to blog.

weee a payne

But, sadly, on Sunday I returned the kittens to the shelter to go back to the display floor for sale. Oh, I will miss them. They were such sweet kittens. They loved to be petted and they threw their teensy walnut heads back so you’d scritch their neckeldys.

I am an asshole when it comes to kittens.

I took them back as late as I could Sunday so I could have them as long as possible. Now comes the part where I obsessively watch the animal shelter website till they’re all adopted. I think they got spayded yesterday, and you’re welcome for that word. Then today the shelter is closed, so they’ll have a day to recover and like Princess Kate, the next day they’ll put on some nude pumps and smile. “‘dopt meee!”

Once they left, I had to fix this room. Cause, man, they were not going in the box all the time. I think the boys did and Frida didn’t. I’d sit in here for hours to try to catch her so I could show her where to go instead, but a couple times she just sat nicely ON THE RUG and I thought she was lounging when really she was peeing.

So I threw the whole damn rug out. I know I have Stanley Steemer coming, but this was a throw rug I got at, like, Target or something and no matter how much they cleaned it it would always gross me out.

I steamed the floor with m’Shark, then I got enzyme cleaner and sprayed it all around. Stanley Steemer will be here in a week; they do hardwood floor cleaning.

And that, my friends, really is the end of kitten fostering. If I still had a concrete room I could continue, but I do not. I should’ve considered that in my house search. Instead I was all, “I want cute!”

Meanwhile, my Aunt Mary’s birthday is this week, so on Saturday I shopped for her. Often I just find things online and ship them that way, but I thought it’d be fun to actually shop, the way she does for me.

Dear Aunt Mary: Don’t read past this part if you read my blog and I have no idea if you do.

First I went to this little shop near my house that technically sells antiques but they also sell little doo-dads that’re new. The people who work there are always always always standing at their counter talking to people they know from the neighborhood (the store is smack between the richest part of town and my marginal part of town. They know the rich folk.) and they never once have greeted me. This makes me never want to go there but they always have new merchandise and I once got a lovely side table there. My side piece. Anyway, now that I’ve talked for 17 paragraphs, wayyyy up there you’ll see a little tray I found for m’aunt.

I also found her some $10 soap, and why? Why is soap $10? And also a pretty box of matches for when she lights up. She doesn’t light up, but I figured candles and such.

Adorable notecards.

Pretty napkins for her next elephant-themed party. Maybe they’ll take those pretty matches and light elephants. Celebrate good times, come on.

Then I headed downtown, drivin’ all the old men crazy, and found this:

A little notebook. Where she can write things down and light them on fire after.

I also found just lovely blue and green wrapping paper with birds outlined in gold, and I’d get up and take a picture of it for you but I don’t want to.

The other exciting thing that happened was I went to this garden center. I guess we could just title this post, June Returns From Buying Things.

Several weeks ago I was at a get-together at Lottie Blanco’s. She was kvetching about mosquitos and her friend, who owns said garden center, said, “Why don’t you come to my store and get a mosquito trap?”

There are mosquito traps? I pictured teensy little rectangles with teensy spring-action traps.

Boy, you’d have to buy a lotta those.

Later, I asked Lottie B if she’d gotten the trap.

“I did,” she said, “it was life-changing.”

Oh my god!

So I’m pleased to tell you I went to the garden store, where there are store cats who wish you’d stop bothering them, and got me two mosquito traps. They come in a box of two.

It’s a big tub, see, and you fill it with water and grass clippings, see, and at first I panicked because I didn’t have “grass clippings.” My lawn guy, Victor, takes them all from me in a fit of selfishness. But then it occurred to me that I could

wait for it

clip some grass my own self, and that that counts as “lawn clippings,” and what I like about myself is my quick mind.

Anyway, then you shut the lid and inside is this sticky stuff, so the mosquitos go in for the water and “grass clippings” and get stuck and die what I imagine is a slow horrible death.


Yesterday I was felled by a migraine, but in the evening I finally went outside because Edsel had laid on the bed all day, without moving, except once or twice I heard him click to the water bowl.

{glurp glap glap glurp glap}

So because he is a faithful cur, I hobbled to the yard in my pajamas and listlessly threw Blu and I can honestly tell you I did not get bitten, which normally I go into my yard and instantly look like that guy from the old OFF commercial, the guy who sticks his arm in the box with mosquitos and he hasn’t used OFF.

Anyway. So that was money well spent, I think.

I have to go, but remind me to tell you about the guy at this restaurant who ordered for himself and his friends who got on my nerves. I just wanted a nice shawarma, and this guy, who probably went to the Middle East for three days or something, ordered for everyone like he was Anwar Sadat. Oh my god, he was taking forever, with his feta this and couscous that. Jesus. So to speak.

I guess I pretty much just told that whole story.

Okay, bye. I’ll try to actually write tomorrow like a consistent person with consistency.

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At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

49 thoughts on “June returns from buying things”

  1. Just now reading this as my migraine just released me from hell. Oh, and Satan said to say you left a bra at his place.
    Lovely post, Coot.


  2. June, you did a very sweet thing by fostering those kitties (and former foster kitties). Their new families will love them.


  3. She glad you aren’t trapped under something heavy. Sorry your head was hurty.
    Excellent gifts!


  4. Now that you mentioned it, the constant fosters I follow, kittens and Hisses (?) Good gravy that’s wrong and the kitten lady (which pfft I stopped following after the pig) and other fosters, they all have an easy peasy floor! Makes sense. However, I will miss fosters and think you will cave at the mere mention of stranded or motherless. Ha!


  5. Glad you’re feeling better, Joob. Fellow migraineurs understand.
    Kittens!!! So cute!!! The place you foster for has some really stupid policies, in my opinion. Like not being able to update a photo from a sad one to a cute new one. That’s some major stupidity right there. Along with not being able to have a description of their personalities. That be some major assholey stupid. What is wrong with them? Their goal is supposedly to adopt out, so WTF?
    I second (or third, or whatever) the idea of the big tarp, those big blue ones from a hardware store are great. I use them in the room I use as my art studio, and if they get bad enough, you fold it up and toss it. Not good for the environment, but it allows you to foster more KITTENS!!!! and that’s a good thing for us and for the world, right? Get a thick tarp, not the thin cheapo ones, or else little claws and teeth will go right through it. And get a really big one–you can always fold outside edges underneath, but you’ll be pissed if you estimate it too small and new kittens pee on the edges of your room where it’s tarp-less (not to be confused with topless). You’re welcome. This is selfish advice, because I need to see KITTENS!!


  6. I am glad you were just busy and nothing dramatic happened. I will miss the kittens. Love all the stuff!

    Lovely post, lovely June!


  7. Glad you are feeling better!
    The shower curtain is a good idea – I was thinking of a big tarp – that would cover the whole room too – and maybe shower curtain on top? You are such a great kitten foster mom! Hate to see you give it up! The gifts were beautiful… NC stuff! love it.


  8. Go forth kitties and live good long lives! Whoever gets them will have the best, well adjusted kitties. When we adopted Augie, he wasn’t afraid of any loud noises or anything. After living with our quiet selves for 8 years now, he jumps every time there is the least noise. Especially small children. And he hates other cats! Hope the migraine is gone June and you can enjoy your cute mill house.


  9. What thoughtful gifts for Aunt Mary, she’s sure to love them when she receives them.

    Goodbye sweet kittens. Happy lives!


  10. I’m glad you’re back. I was worried!
    I’m sad the kittens are gone but happy that they will soon have new homes.


  11. Another service to cat lovers everywhere by fostering those babies! Excellent work, June and Edz, or as Prince William says to his kids, “well done.” (That was recorded when Charlotte and George shook the Bishop’s hand properly going into Louis’ baptism last year.)

    Those gifts are so perfect, they show thought in the giving – the best kind!

    And, “Jesus. So to speak.” just killed me.

    Glad you’re up at with us again!


  12. Cute gifts and oh how I detest a store that emplyees people who only greet the richies. Rude! Reminds me of ‘Pretty Woman’ scene when Julia buys a ton of shit and comes back and says ‘Big mistake!’ Love that. I was worried that you were ill and your pets were taking over your house. Glad you are OK. Hope the migraine stays away.


  13. If you did foster more kittens (because I know your ways:), maybe you could put a cheap plastic shower curtain down in the room, ax-murderer style, so they wouldn’t get pee everywhere.

    Our new place has carpet throughout the upstairs and I hate it. Scout peed once already because I left her alone in the house for 15 minutes, plus the dooooog haiiirrrr. She’s shedding like it’s her job.


      1. As I have also said never again to the animals, the hair, the variety of output(s)! Then – well the house could use another animal or.. two … or three (longest time without 11 months) I have successfully used those garage floors type things for the worst of the orientation to my house on the off off chance in 11 months or so you say to yourself hey you know what I need……kittens…..


  14. I, for one, will miss the kitten fostering – the photos of their antics and of course, Edsel being a mother hen to them.


  15. What beautiful thoughtful gifts. I’m glad you’re feeling better and sensitive Lu was good at expressing his gratitude, I imagine.


  16. Oh how I love all the gifts! Remember when everyone just got bit by mosquitoes and itched for a while? Now, we are all like “Oh my God! Zika Virus! Whose blood did that mosquito just inject into me? Did they have the Zika Virus? Doom!”


  17. Oh, we are friends with the lady that owns Guilford Garden Center! She is super nice and it’s a great garden center!


  18. *Anwar Sadat* hahahahahaha!

    Also, I hope you had time for and felt like eating breakfast and this migraine did not turn you into a skeleton.


    1. I have not eaten yet. Well. Someone left chocolate-chip cookies on the anyone can take it table. I broke back into the eating world with those.

      Liked by 2 people

          1. I swear I did try that first. Googled Mosquito Trap. Then Mosquito Trap + grass clippings and on and on, got nothing that looked like what you described, so I thought I’d ask


            1. The mosquito is our state bird here in Illinois. And yet I have never heard of this mosquito trap. I will commence googling.


  19. Those are such lovely gifts, I would be thrilled to get those. I hope those little kittens are adopted very quickly. Do you get to tell the people at the shelter how sweet they are and how they love being petted? There should be a place on a return form to give a description of their personality and temperament. Oh this baby just loves her belly rubbed, or this cat is crazy, etc.
    PSA: I have mentioned this before, but Denatured Alcohol (found in the paint section at Lowe’s and probably Home Depot) will totally eliminate pet odors. I poured it on the hardwood floors where my cat sprayed in the closet and allowed it to seep into the cracks of the floor, like the cat pee did, then wiped the alcohol up with a clean rag. Odor gone.


    1. You HAVE mentioned that before and I clean forgot.

      No, they don’t, and they should. They should also let fosters put up new photos of the kittens rather than the shitty shelter ones they have up, where they always look scared and dirty.


      1. You have some GREAT photos of those babies and that’s what should be posted on their website. They look professional. You’ve come a long way, baby…with your photo skillz.


        1. It’s really all the camera, but yeah. My photos were way cuter than the kitten with food on its face photos they have on the site. Oy.


  20. I have been SO WORRIED. Thank you for living and coming back to delight and entertain.

    I so love my little pup, but I think when she has “moved on” so to speak, I will hesitate to get another. She has ruined so many rugs with her “I will not pee outdoors when it rains. Or snows. Or just whenever.” Little dogs are notorious on-the-rug pee-ers. And you can only clean them so many times. And I obsess about “does it smell like pee in here?” So I feel you on the kittens, is what that was meant to say. I just cannot be one of those animal people who just don’t care what they do to my house.

    Aunt Mary will be delighted with that collection of lovely things!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I getcha, Lisa. I told my beloved little guy that when he died he would not be replaced. I miss having a dog so much it hurts sometimes but there really is such a thing as one too many cases of doggie diarrhea that runs under the grandfather clock. But, oh, I loved that little guy like he was an angel from God and didn’t begrudge one penny we spent on that beautiful soul. I want a neighbor dog who loves me more than he does the neighbor. All the love and none of the mess and bills.


  21. Did he knee and face Mecca while ordering? Anyway glad you are on the other side of migraine. I love Caspari anything and those Indian elephants. are cool.


  22. I want that mosquito trap thing! Maybe it all was the outdoorsing and shopping that felled you… glad to hear you’re recovering! and happy birthday to Aunt Mary!


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