Putting the cat in cataracts

That’s it. I’m moving to a country where aging women are considered beautiful and they don’t have daylight savings.

That alarm went off today and I was all, Oh this is bullshit. Iris thought so too. I felt her flinch in shock when that alarm blanged at us at what was REALLY 5:20. Jesus. Why can’t we just let daylight get here naturally, asks Botox head.

My grandmother always did that. When daylight savings hit, she’d always say what time it REALLY was. And look! Look who I’ve turned into. I just figured out the other day that I am the same age she was when she got cataracts, and while I put the cat in cataracts, I’ve yet to be diagnosed, but I’m just over here waiting.

Speaking of cats, while I’m trying not to mention anyone I used to go out with on this not-blog (Why can’t she just say “blog” naturally? asks Botox head), someone I used to go out with has one of my foster cats, a cat named Nancy, whom we all loved, and that someone I went out with, fmr., texted me this photo over the weekend and it was so cute I had to show it to all y’all all.

Nancy. I’m so glad she’s good.

I’m trying to think of what I did all weekend.

I made this, and who even am I, even? I’ve been on this mysterious diet all week, that’s supposed to hore your moans or moan your horehound or do something or other with your hormones, and mostly it’s just eating a lot of protein and not having a starch till dinner, and it’s manageable but does anyone like their protein powder? Because have you ever seen that cute video where the pretty dog eats all the things and rates them out of 10 points? It’s my favorite for petspeak.

I feel like maybe only people with Facebook will be able to watch that, and what’s with making things Facebook exclusive? You wanna irk me? Have a business that ONLY has a Facebook website.

Anyway, that dog at one point eats a fish and they have him saying, “Lil fishy,” and every morning when I drink that damn smoothie with that damn protein powder, I think, “Lil fishy.”

There’s no FISH in it, but I taste fish. No one wants to drink fish.

Anyway, that chicken I made was okay, but too onion-y. Why do I need a whole onion for four unassuming pieces of chicken? Seems a … lil fishy.

Another thing I did this weekend was observe Mr. Swirl, here, abstaining from the 49 soft cushiony places to sleep in this house and opting for the wood floor. Also, I see carpet fibers near him, which leads me to believe first he clawed my new rug. I had my chance right there to take Mr. Swirl to the pound while he slept and did I do it? I did not.

Also, someone posted a whole thing on how you should adopt grownup cats and not kittens, and this was part of it and I sat here like an idiot and laughed at this for maybe 10 hours. Why can’t she look at Facebook naturally? asks Botox head.

I feel like I didn’t go out much this weekend and I guess I didn’t. It was rainy and shitty. But then Sunday was nice so I headed downtown.

This was looming over me.

If I get more cats, I’ll turn into this boob-cat-woman. This was like a warning.

Some idiots recently wended their way into this and tried to slide down it and broke it and had to pay for the repair. I act like I wouldn’t have done something that stupid back when I wasn’t stone boob cat woman.
Kre-es. Kre-es. Kre-es. Wasn’t there an ambulance that did that with Crest in a commercial? Like, instead of a siren it said, “Cre-est. Cre-est.” Am I berserk? Don’t answer that.

Mr. Greensboro.

If you want to see people be humorless, go ahead and call that statue Mr. Greensboro. “It wasn’t Mr. Greensboro. That was Nathanael Greene, who…”

zzzzzzzzz. Whatever. It’s Mr. Greensboro.

Okay, I gotta go. I gotta head to work in this FOG of this government-imposed time change.


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At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

43 thoughts on “Putting the cat in cataracts”

  1. Millhous is HUGE. I love that round tummy and all his swirls. He is the most unique-looking cat I have ever seen.
    I’m so happy Nancy has a good home.
    And I love the waterfall between the buildings.
    Lovely post, June.


  2. I can’t consume flax–it smells like fish to me. So does frozen spinach (but not fresh). Just can’t do it.
    So happy that He-Who-Shall-Remain-Unnamed was so patient with Nancy. She wouldn’t have had a chance with most people. A happy ending for her, thankfully.


  3. x.Yay for Nancy! She looks happy.
    4. I love the dog video!! I’ve watched about 4 times today and laughed my butt off each time.


  4. I love that dog. What a cutie pie. Milhous could be in those memes of Cat or Croissant or Cinnamon Roll or whatever.
    I am so thankful that Nancy has a new home to be queen of and not live her remaining years on the street as a teen mom.
    I, too, am really picky about my protein powder. I can NOT under any circumstance do the egg white protein. The minute you add liquid to it and blend it up all I can think about is the all that globby egg white stuff and gag. I don’t care for the flavored ones either. I prefer it plain and add my own real flavors to it.


  5. I had cataract surgery ten years ago and yes, I was his youngest patient. It was amazing to see crisp, far away images. I had the near sighted lens implant.
    Ten years later, I wear bifocals, which I abhor.
    No offense, but I thought you’d be the last person posting recipes on your not-blog. Yay, you!


  6. Nancy is just a beautiful cat. I’m glad she has a great life!

    I laughed so hard I snorted over the “hore your moans or moan your horehound” line.

    I use Bob’s Red Mill whey protein, it’s colorless and flavorless. Highly recommend.


  7. How much flax are you putting in your smoothies? I pre-grind my flax seeds and then add one tablespoon to each smoothie, which is two servings. I don’t notice a fishy taste, believe me, if I did I would never use flax again. I don’t like fish, because it taste fishy. Nancy looks like she is very happy and settled. I’m so glad she has worked out for…
    Greensboro is a beautiful city. Nathanael Green is a Rev War hero. (Rev War = Revolutionary War 1776) I love all the old building that are being revived rather than tearing them down. Atlanta has very few old buildings that have been saved, which is really sad. That dog made me laugh out loud. I love Milhous, AKA: Mr. Swirl.


  8. Wait, who is Mr. Swirl? Have I missed a cat? I feel like I need re-evaluate everything in my life now.

    For protein powder, I really like the Bulletproof collagen protein or the Vital Proteins collagen. They don’t have any flavor (that I can notice).


  9. Thanks for the tour of downtown Greensboro. That Kress building is pretty cool.

    If you live out east or in the south, you must have lots of those soldier statues. We here in the Upper Midwest Snow Storage Area don’t have those.

    But… we have a bronze statue of Mary Tyler Moore tossing her hat on the Nicollet Mall, in downtown Mpls. Here’s a nice pic for those of us who spent Saturday nights with Mary, Lou & the gang. https://www.kare11.com/article/news/local/mary-tyler-moore-statue-might-not-stay-on-nicollet-mall/13697765


  10. Juuup, please run for President on the Libertarian Party ticket. Your single issue can be “no more time change!” (Other people have already staked out “no more climate change”). Or, as a true libertarian, it could be “Pick your own damn time, people! Whatever you want it to be!” Or just, “Whatever”, which I believe was Gary Johnson’s platform. And look how well he did.


    1. The guy who sits next to me was recently made president of his homeowners association and he’s had all these ideas about how every one should salute when he walks by and so forth. When I become libertarian president, I will be even MORE insufferable.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. AND you will have Secret Service following you wherever you go! How insufferable will that be? And you’ll have a Secret Service code name. Cool. You should pick one out now.


  11. You might be needing to use a specially formulated protein powder but I like EarthFare’s Show Me the Whey vanilla flavor. Can’t use any pea-based protein powder or I can jet propel myself around the block for the next 3 hours, if you catch my drift.


      1. Which is probably WHY it has not been vacuumed , a remembrance of the furry notorious NK.


  12. One good thing about Daylight Savings Time: I didn’t have to change the clock in my car because I never changed it to Standard Time; I just subtracted an hour in my head when I looked at the clock. One step ahead, is what I was. Nancy looks happy and healthy.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I had a cataract last year. When I went for my surgery I was the youngest patient by at least 30 years. The nurse had to give me a pregnancy test and said, “This is something I never have to do for Dr. R’s patients. I’m not sure I remember how to do them!” Then we both giggled.
    I will say, not that anyone asked, that the cataract surgery was the easiest surgery I’ve ever had. I’d do it again tomorrow.

    Nancy looks great!


    1. I had cataract surgery on both eyes last summer. I was also one of the youngest patients in the office, which was somewhat of a good feeling, if being a young patient having old lady eye surgery can be counted as a victory. And I, too, was shocked at how easy it was to get done – wish I could have done it years ago! I went from -750 in my right eye and -2150 in the left (yes, you read that right) to almost 20/20 in both eyes. No contacts or glasses for the first time since I was 7 years old. And better yet – no more searching for READING GLASSES! So yay!


      1. Lovely, isn’t it? My surgeon said “But you’re so young!” Hadn’t heard that in a good long while. And when I had some minor complaint at my post-surgery appointment, the doctor said “Well, we can’t do much better than 20-20.”


        1. It really is a miracle of medicine. There were a few women in the office, actually, who were my age. But they were paying out of pocket because it wasn’t deemed medically necessary. They were basically getting lens implants to go along with their cheeks and boobs. Your eyes have to be at a certain level of deficit from cataracts before insurance will approve and pay. I never had a lot of trouble with contacts or glasses, but when I got to reading glasses age – what a PAIN. I had to wear contacts AND readers – I could never get used to bi-focal or mono-vision contacts. I had two dozen pairs scattered every where. And do you think I could ever find a pair? Then my husband started needing them so he was always walking off with mine. I still catch him occasionally wearing a lavender or pink pair of mine when he can’t find his own.


  14. Nancy is looking fine as rain. (What even does that mean?) One thing her owner is is a devoted cat owner. She wended her way into a great life, is what she did.

    We really need to stop this whole time change business. It’s ridiculous. So what if I have more daylight in the afternoon? Now I’m driving TO work in the dark. How is that better?


  15. Love that dog! I’ve only seen the golden retriever tasting food. Annnnd of course I can’t find it but he/she mispronounces various foods, especially watermelon. I think he/she calls a green bean “booger sword.”

    I immediately thought, “Oh. Mr. Greensboro.”


    1. Paula – I think you are talking about tuckerbudzyn on Instagram and Facebook. He is adorable! Wootermoolin!!


  16. It is nice to see the cat of he who shall not be named doing well. Also, I read the whole post waiting for you to drive all the old men crazy seeing as how you went downtown and all!


  17. Does your smoothie have chia seeds? Those taste fishy to me. Nancy looks so happy!
    I had other things to say, but my husband just called to tell me he’s been in a car accident (he’s fine, but his truck is not) and I’m nervously waiting on my dental appointment. This time change Monday is really not starting off so well.


      1. Yes. It’s the flax. It’s the dumb omega 3 oil that tastes like fish. Flax has it, chia has a little too.


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