I got a message from the place that’s doing Edsel’s DNA. They’re typing with someone named Geno or something, which, I guess I’m glad to get updated but just GIVE ME THE RESULTS.
GIVE MY DAUGHTER THE SHOT.
Do my movie references bug you?
Anyway, it was Valentine’s Day yesterday. FYI. I see that something fuzzy and feathery is at the bottom of this photo and what I enjoy about my own self is it could be one of 49 fuzzy and feathery things at my desk. Corporate ladder. Long ago, my coworker Griff gave me a lavender clock with kittens on it. Said clock is wrapped in ostrich feathers and it’s magnificent. I also have a baby-blue-feathered tiara. With gems.
Have I mentioned corporate ladder? Hello. I’m a serious businesswoman. Let me just set this feathered kitten clock aside and make serious business decisions.
Anyway. So, as pictured above 90 paragraphs ago, I purchased Fun Dip for people at work. As I mentioned to Alex when I gave her hers, I bring both the fun and the dip. You really can’t ask for more in a friend.
And because we live in an era where no fun is ever allowed, now our candy says this…
See what a good friend I am? I bring thoughtful portions, which are okay to enjoy if you have a balanced diet and OH MY GOD LIGHTEN UP.
Two of the guys from IT chipped in for an elaborate Valentine for me: A card that reads, “You rock” and some Chik-fil-A sauce. I don’t understand how anyone in IT can like me given how often my computer won’t do what I want it to, and they come down and, like, jiggle one key and lo and behold. But yay! They like me anyway!
When I got home last night, I walked in to this tragedy:
Chris and Lilly gave me an air fern for Christmas, inside a little yellow duck, and I’d put it in my kitchen windowsill right next to the plate of homemade wishes.
I Miss Marple-d the situation above, and (a) I blame Milhous. (2), I figure he must have leapt onto the kitchen counter, and for WHAT. Then he must have taken that plant out the duck, leapt down like a hunter asshole, and batted it around the kitchen till he was satisfied and then ripped it to shreds.
Asshole. And no, I didn’t check to see if air ferns are POIIIIIIIISON, June. I hope they are. Also, he seems no worse for the wear as he was doing this last night…
Which might explain the fur on the rim of that lamp. He has done his life-of-the-party move since he was a wee sweet thing (which he no longer is).
The other day, I just happened to have a Twinkie still in its wrapper on the ottoman, and why so chubby. Milhous jumped up there, took said Twinkie in his evil cat mouth, and flounced away with it like it was prey. My point is, who hired this cat?
The other thing I did yesterday, other than hand out the dip and the fun and receive glorious Chik-fil-A packets, was I went to our local bookstore, where they were having a reading of erotic scenes from books. Scenes that were very badly written.
I took a surreptitious photo right when I got there, but it became a pretty full house. And it was hilarious. Oh my god. I wish I could remember any of the passages they read, but John Updike wrote one of them, as did William Styron, but I decided to get a celebratory glass of wine, and do you remember two weeks ago when I decided to get a celebratory glass of sparkling rose and immediately got a headache?
That was my last drink, till last night’s drink, and not only did I immediately get a migraine, I also got really stuffed up and my eyes got red.
There is no fun left in my world anymore. No sex, no alcohol. But at least I have cats.
I also apparently had a very shiny head last night. Juney the red-lipped woman, had a very shiny head.
Anyway, that sums up m’Valentine’s Day, and while there was no romance in it, there was bromance from IT and there were bad sex passages and there was fun and dip. And a shiny head.
And a dead fern.