Based on yesterday’s hard-hitting poll results, you want me to join the gym down the street.

Goddammit. I don’t even WANT to join that gym.

Also, you may have noticed I’m writing to you during my lunch hour, and maybe you’re in a lather because I usually write you in the morning. I know at least one person who has announced to me that she reads while she poops in the morning, and sometimes I think the bloom is off the rose of all our relationship. My relationship with all y’all all.

The reason I didn’t write sooner is I shut off the alarm today because it was so pesky, then reawakened with a jolt at 7:10. I have to be at work by 8:00. So that was a relaxing leisurely morning and I do not at all look like dung or anything.

Actual, unretouched photo of June when she gets ready in less than 50 minutes. Actually, the brows are on point. Man! Go, June!

I did not kill a Muppet, back there. That is a slipper. Edsel moved it and I just found it when I got home for lunch, when what I was REALLY looking for was Second Blu, because the only way Edsel fetches is if you have TWO Blus and you throw one and then the other.

I never found Second Blu.

Anyway, I’ll mull over joining that gym even though I don’t want to.

In other news, they put The Poet not just on my floor, but in my row, today. I told her, “Hold my flowers and stand at your desk looking poetic.” I got flowers from a reader this week. Aren’t they pretty? They’re right there in front of The Poet, in case you missed them.

We are busy AF at work right now, which isn’t good because I also have freelance to do, so I get home drained and cranky and then have to work. But last night, please note that I took time out of my busy schedule to drank. Yes, I referred to it as “to drank.”

Young drinkers in their natural habitat.

Last night I was working a little late (see above) when Ryan asked me to join some people for a happy hour. As you know, from your Big Book of June Events, drinking alcohol gives me a migraine so I rarely do it. But I decided to drag self out anyway, and once I got to the place and saw Ryan and Alex in the window, I was glad I did.

Once in college, I had a friend I eventually slept with (see: all the white liquor one fateful night), but before I eventually slept with him we spent a whole summer being friends. Until that night toward fall when we said, “Let’s split the huge drink that has all the white liquor in it.”

Anyway, he had a summer job as a janitor at Michigan State, cleaning one whole building. I’d asked him to join me at the bar we went to, oh, every night, once his late shift was over, but he was exhausted and planning to just drive home. However, he had to pass the bar to get home, and in the window saw me gesticulating wildly with some story, and he was all, “Well, now I have to go in and hear whatever THAT all is.”

Anyway. I could not resist getting The Ned last night, and I didn’t drink all of it because now I fear the reaper and any alcohol. But The Ned was delicious and did not ruin me. It’s Russian Roulette, just like any time I speak to The Ned IRL.

So, I got away with it and am no worse for the wear, other than sleeping in because I didn’t get home till 6:45. I mean. Who even am I? Back in MY day, there were times I didn’t get in till 6:45 a.m. and still went to work at 8:00.

I have to go. Seeing as I’m writing during lunch, I have to, you know, have lunch.

Here’s the sunrise today in my back yard, and it is pretty. Does anyone have cheap ideas for making the yard cute and sit-able once spring gets here? Any cute decorative ideas or chairs or whatever that I could get that won’t cost a fortune?

Oh, also, do I need this?

I do, don’t I? It’s supposed to be for children but fuck that noise. And by that noise, I mean



[Here’s where June will not sign off, “Cuckoo for cocoa cocks, June.”]

[I saw that in the x-rated section of the video store circa 1997. Never got over it.]

Your gym-iest pal,

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At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

45 thoughts on “Cuckoo”

  1. Get on the mailing list for Grandin Road. They have sales all the time, and I’ve bought several “Outdoor Living” items from them at 50% off the sale price. A gorgeous bench that originally was $299, marked down to $199 became mine for $99. It gets direct high desert sun every morning and it’s in great shape.


  2. The thought of Planet Fitness right now gives me hives. I’ve been thinking about looking into some of the smaller girly gyms like Kaia Fit. I think it’s within the rules to join A gym even if it’s not that gym. But also too, I agree with the flip a coin thing Jimmie just said.


  3. Am I too late in saying this? Probably so, because I imagine that 38 of your commenters already said this, but if in your heart you were secretly hoping we’d vote for one particular exercise, that is the exercise you really want to do. When you flip the coin, you often hope it will land a certain way.

    For me, the exercise I really want to do is the one I will only halfway do anyway, so I might as well pick that one. It’s the only way I will move. I feel like you are more tenacious than me, though. You like a challenge, or you are resigned. Either way, that’s better than what I would do which lately is eating sugar, promising I won’t the next day, and so that I won’t, I go ahead and finish the bag of peach rings to “get them out of the house.”

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I like that clock. My father is a clock collector and I enjoy them. We have some but Michael stopped winding them long ago. My parents have westminister chimes which sound lovely but are bad when you have insomnia because you hear how late it is when it chimes the hours.
    I love wind chimes. A good set of high quality ones will last you forever. A water feature is relaxing to me but something simple that requires minimal work. I like outdoor rocking chairs too. Do you have a covered area? If not that would be wonderful, screened in even better.


  5. For some reason I thought it was his company. Can he just quit his own company?
    Gorgeous sunrise, Coot.


    1. And this comment was supposed to go under the “I think Ned should leave his current job” comment from June somewhere earlier in the day…


  6. Gorgeous sunrise. I always think about my yard like a room. What do I need here for me to want to hang out here? Comfortable place to sit? More shade? One part of my yard was always a million degrees so I added a small plug in fountain to help it seem cooler.


  7. IKEA has some really cute and inexpensive outdoor furniture – and when you get so frustrated from trying to assemble it that you break it into a hundred little pieces, you can use it as firewood!

    Seriously, though. They have cute stuff.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I had a friend in college (turns out her father later won the Nobel prize in economics). Whenever she was having trouble making a decision she would flip a coin. When the coin came up “tails”, it was only then would she realize how much she really wanted “heads”. She’d go with “heads”. You only asked us because you were having trouble commiting to something…now you know how much you didn’t want to join the gym. Maybe you have a better idea of what you would like to do.

    Liked by 3 people

  9. Hey, if you don’t want to join the gym, don’t. Problem solved. Lovely flowers, would be better to see Poet’s lovely face. Today is not a good day to fish. Red sky in the east, the fish bite the least. Red sky in the west, the fish bite the best. You’re welcome. Look on Craig’s List for nice outdoor furniture. We have found some great buys. Comments are hilarious today.


  10. Lovely flowers, Coot! And lovely dress, Poet! Now that you will be sitting near each other and passing notes in class, it might be easier to go with Poet to yoga and see how you like it. A day late and that’s not advice at all, uh-uh.


  11. I say avoid the gym and take the money you would blow there and buy the clock. See? Two things solved with one sentence. I , too, miss the Ned stories but would rather have yours and your sanity. Not making much sense today as I just got back from taking my mom to have tests done and listening to her scary logic.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I found you. Jeez, the stress and fear of missing out wx no joke for a few minutes. We really do need to live closer to one another, I just put a patio set and bar on curb. But since that’s not an option try Hayneedle for some things. And Lowe’ I bought my daughter a three piece patio set for Christmas for $99 there. And free delivery which is a big plus.
    I belong to the local YMCA. I do interval running, more like slow jogging, on the treadmill. I started with walk a minute and then jog a minute and have worked my way up both in speed and time, gradually. Very gradually. Interval stuff is supposed to be good for our heart. That’s what keeps me motivated.
    Lovely eyebrows, lovely June

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Clocks… I grew up with a mother that had a number of clocks that chimed and bonged, and made whatever noises they can make. As she wanted to hear them all individually, none of the clocks in our house were the correct time, though the Clock Chorus was nice. We lived in Germany during my grade school years, and she bought all her siblings cuckcoos, but none for us. We had plenty already. Yours is very cute.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Yard sale , consignment or second hand shop, estate sales for small table and a couple chairs or loungie chairs or bench. Put on gravel in the circle…tree will create shade with it’s leaves, take your houseplants outside set in circle for more greenery.
    You can get free cuttings from someone trimming their forsythia(yellow) bush and just shove them in the ground where you want a wall of greenery and flowers in the spring. They will root and grow on their own. Paint a mural on your small white shed …an Italian veranda or streetscape or waterscape something like that with plants painted on it. Hopefully with your myriad of friends , someone is artistic. Or easier paint it to make it look like a small cottage with painted on windows, curtains and flower boxes.
    Does Alf work in this neighborhood?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Also, if she joins NextDoor using a zip code from a fancy neighborhood, there are all sorts of free/inexpensive things that are really nice and still in great shape. I notice that when people are moving, they rarely take their outdoor items.


  15. Do you have a thing called ClassPass your way? You should check it out before you join a gym. It gives you the flexibility to try various places/various types of workouts before you commit. Just a thought.

    When my security alarm is low on batteries, it beeps every hour. Makes me nuts. I would destroy that clock in 1 day. But it’s really cute, and since I can’t hear it, I say yes. Yes you should get it.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Wow, asking for 2 different kinds of advice in one post! Who are you and what have you done with June? First of all, if the clock only makes noise hourly I think you will enjoy it. If it ticks constantly I don’t know how you could keep from murdering it. Secondly, you need a row of holly trees (or some other kind of tree that does not lose its leaves) along that fence row. It will create a nice private-ish area for your yard.


  17. I have to admit, I miss the Ned stories. I mean, I was INVESTED in The Life of Ned. I remember when his job was having leadership problems and I must know if it worked out or is Ned now selling vacuums door to door or sitting home and drinking with Nancy all day.

    Back in my early 20s, Godforbid if I didn’t have some sort of social engagement every frickin’ night. And by “social engagement” I meant my BFF and I headed to the Huntington Beach Pier and hung out with people of nefarious character and imbibed in various drugs and alcoholic beverages. This was easy since my job didn’t start until 10:00am so I could stay out until the wee small hours of the morning. Ah, youth. No way could I do that now. Nor would I want to. Now get off my lawn.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I say yes to the cock, I mean clock. We have a cuckoo clock and it makes my heart sing every time I hear it. Of course there is the winding part…. our has to be wound once every 8 days.


  19. Personally I’m a workout at home kind of woman. I hate all the germs on all the equipment and just being overwhelmed by all the chaos. I subscribe to an online channel and do the workout programs on there. I’ve usually got laundry going and the dog lays on the couch and watched while I workout.

    I LOVE my wine, but the migraine situation lately always makes me regret drinking it.

    Your sunrise picture is beautiful. Amazon has a lot of different kinds of solar lights that would look nice around your yard. I bought a cute and heavy duty faux wicker set at a local Christmas Tree shop. It was $140 and is really cute.

    Liked by 1 person

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