The one where June’s chair, screen and hair look awful

Why does every cat here have to be gray? I see one running across the yard and my heart leaps, and then it’s just Lily or Iris.


Is everyone waiting for me to recover that chair/footstool already? I know. I’ve got the fabric, but it’ll be about $750 to actually have it recovered and I don’t have that kinda scratch.

But when I DO get that kind of scratch, I plan to lug this chair into the living room, and move the big scratched comfortable leather one into here. This does me no good till the scratch.

This all reminded me to put up an Amazon link, above. Go to the image. Click. Get to Amazon. Shop. I get scratch.

June, stop saying that.

My luggage came! Only 6 nights without it! Probably any progress I made on my skin with my Retin-A has gone back to the beginning. Now I’m even OLDER than when I started using it.

Speaking of which, it’s pretty much been three months since I spent…scratch on Ultherapy and guess what. I look the same.

March 8, 2018
June 3, 2018

I’d been scraping the damn concrete floor, so I was shinier than I was in March. Also, what the hell with that screen. How many times have I replaced that screen since you’ve known me? Why do I have a dog? Look how it’s all brown where he puts his horrific paws up to let himself in.

I give up.

IMG_6828.jpgYou know what I did? I didn’t give up. I just got annoyed and went outside and scrubbed that door, but it’s forever stained by dog paws. The screen looks nice, though. I guess I’ll have Alf replace the screen in there AGAIN.

It’s sort of meta that you can look in my door and see this blog post, isn’t it?

I guess the only other thing that’s new is we had some restructuring at work, and now my boss, fmr., is my boss, current. We need to think of a new name for her. Boss, fmr./crrnt. is too taxing to write. It’s like how I got sick of writing “…friend” so I thought of “Ned.”

Speaking of Ned, I’m dragging him to see Mean Girls tonight at the old theater. I’ve never seen it, and you’ll be stunned to hear neither has he, but I’ve always kind of wanted to see it.

I remember when this was a real movie at the theater, there was a billboard for it on my way to my LA therapist’s office. In Los Angeles, you had to have a therapist or you couldn’t get your driver’s license.

Why does the Department of Motor Vehicles keep insisting it’s “driver license”? No one says that but them. And yet they keep trying it. “Any second now, ‘driver’ license will be sweeping the nation.”

Speaking of sweeping the nation, I feel I must officially announce










There’s a video of some music competition where kids sang Too Much Heaven. It’s cute. Or it was, the first 18 times it got sent to me. Then suddenly I wanted to commit Bee Geescide.

Thank you. There is no further need to put it on my wall, or text it to me, or email it. I’ve seen it.

It’s this year’s cat/dog diary.

Hey, I do the same thing. I see a dachshund thing, and I think of sending it to Miss Doxie, and then I think, probably 86 people are having this same thought right now.

Why does “dachshund” have to be the hardest word in the world to spell? What word can’t you spell? I never do well with words where you leave the “e” off, like “truly.” I mean, I know that one, but words of that ilk.

IMG_6830.jpgI leave you with the following evidence that I finally in this life found a four-leaf clover. I’ve always wanted to.

That I found it while my cat is missing and so were all my haircare products cause they were with my luggage and I looked like dung is beside the point. Maybe things are looking up!

God, my hair really does look bad. Which looks worse: my hair or my screen door?

I’d better get to work. The other part of our restructuring is that I helped some people out who needed work done, and now between you and me I’ve got too much work. But if I just forgo peeing, I can get it done today. Is it forego or forgo? See what I mean?


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At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

47 thoughts on “The one where June’s chair, screen and hair look awful”

  1. OH!! So your boss, current…formerly boss, fmr. looks so hilarious and happy and giddy in the Stitch Fix pictures, I think you should blog name her Mary Pickford, just as you described who she turns into once the camera is on. Now see, my ideal coworkers would start with boss, current and The Poet. And the two Avett Brothers. And Lady Gaga.


  2. Also, as Mo’s 1970s teen lovah in my mind, I can say I did not care for that veedeo. I get it, people think it’s cute and it is (kind of) but dude, Mo did not sing much. He drank. He drank and stayed upright playing guitar and looked damn handsome and mysterious doing it. Especially in white satin jump suits. I miss Mo.


  3. SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! So glad boss, fmr. is now boss, current. SQUEEEE! Can you tell I like her. I also liked your boss before her too, dude with a dry sense of humor and beard.

    So okay, name suggestions instead of boss, current. I’ve toiled a hundred million years in just today’s sunrise to sunset hours so I’m no good tonight with suggestions. But I think you should bring it up again for suggestions. That however, is not advice.

    You’re so pretty, Jooooooooooon!


  4. I am a horrible speller, so my list is long. I have an old hippie that covers my furniture. The prices are reasonable, I paid about $500 to have a wing back chair recovered with a flame stitch that was not an easy fabric to work with, but he did a beautiful job.

    Paint the back screen door the same color as the red mud and all those dog prints will just disappear. Stain problem solved. Just leave the hold, it is just too convenient for Edz to let himself inside.


  5. That is way too much to recover that chair. Especially since you have the fabric and it looks pretty simply done. No tufting, no channel back, no cording. Try a fabric store, they usually have a board with business cards on it.


    1. I wish I could send you to my alcoholic upholstery man. He is amazing. If you call him at night, he is already bombed, and gives ridiculously low bids on jobs. You then confirm it in writing, and then when he sobers up(ish) and comes to pick up the item, he cannot believe how low a bid he gave you. He still does a great job, and honors the bid. He smells, so there’s that, but, the furniture doesn’t smell when he brings it back, so, all good!

      As you know, I can’t spell anything, so the list would be far too long to put here. I think the problem all stemmed from the fact that at work all I did was dictate for years, and let someone else worry about the spelling. That turned into lazy memorization of how to spell things, and here we are.

      Glad you got your bag back. Now all you need is your groove and SD and you will be set.

      I haven’t seen Mean Girls, so now it’s on my to do list.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Whoever in the classifieds department at the Albuquerque Journal takes the Pets Lost & Found is convinced that “dotson” is the correct spelling for dachshund. Were I not obsessed with reading those ads in hopes that I will find someone’s animal, I would be writing a scathing letter that ended in cancelling my subscription.

    Speaking of lost animals…


  7. I cannot spell squirrel. I wrote a story about a squirrel when I was a kid and must have spelled it 10 different ways, which made a good impression on my teacher. My mom gave me all kinds of mnemonics to help me remember, but that just made me more confused. I still had to look it up so I could write this comment.


  8. I feel like at a certain point in life beauty products no longer make us look younger; they maybe make us look the same for longer, but I can’t seem to get a reversal to happen anymore.


  9. I struggle to spell restaurant. I always want to put the u after the second a. Thank goodness for autocorrect. I just start typing and wait for it to be right. Also sometimes do you KNOW how to spell a word but you write it and it just looks wrong? Then you doubt yourself and google it? There’s a lot of random words in my search history. Also off-topic, I once saw a t-shirt that said SEXY AUNT and I read it like an acronym- “what’s a sexy A U N T?” So now I always spell that word in my head when I see it.


    1. I pronounce restaurant in my head as rest A U rant when I spell it to remember where the U goes. It’s the same way as I pronounce LaUral as La Ural each time I read it.


  10. I used to be a champion speller. It was one of my special powers, being able to spell just about anything. Now? I keep a dictionary within reach because so many words just don’t look right when I type them out or I flat-out go blank on correct spelling. The mind is a terrible thing to lose. Don’t do acid, kids.

    Oh, Mean Girls. God, I love that movie! So many fantastic lines that fit any situation in life.

    And is it just me or do those kid Bee Gees look more than a little creepy?

    Come home, Steely Dan.


  11. I have the most issues with words that might have double letters and might not. Committee, accommodate, and embarrass always trip me up for some reason.


  12. I am a terrible speller, so I won’t bore you with words I can’t spell, or myself by having to look them up all the time. I wish I was a good speller. Really. Wish.

    I hope the four leaf clover keeps spreading the luck throughout the day!

    Lovely post, lovely June!


  13. Can you call her Boss Again?
    I recently found a 4-leaf clover, too, after looking for one since March. I usually can find them but they all eluded me. Congratulations on finding yours.
    Enjoy the movie!


  14. Unicorn dung! To go with your unicorn hair, June. On you it looks good.

    “Forgo” is when you pass on something. “Foregoing” is going beFORE. Like the foregoing annoying explanation.

    You won’t be surprised to know that my spouse’s solution to a dog-torn screen was Scotch tape.


  15. I like that pink shirt in your four-leaf clover photo. And you do NOT look like dung. Unless it’s unicorn dung.


    1. I’ve seen those scat mats – I wonder how bad they feel? I guess it is like the shock collars for dogs. Thankfully I have never had a pet that required that much discipline.


  16. I was going to suggest electrifying the screen. That’ll teach ’em. But not everyone shares my sense of humor so just in case I’M KIDDING! Although they do make those cat mats that give the cat a little jolt if they land on it – and I didn’t even invent those, so THERE.

    Lovely post June! You looked so great in your “before” there was no need for an “after”!


  17. OMG, Mean Girls. You will be quoting it forever. Also, please take Deb with you.

    When you pick up Ned, PLEASE say, “Get in, Loser.” He will laugh later. Or not.

    I can’t spell diarrhea. I have to look it up each time and you know I do that by opening a new tab in my browser and starting to type it. (Dictionary? Remember those?) If anyone ever looks at my browsing history, I will be swamped with ads for Imodium.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Same. And my phone spells it DI-A-REEEEEE because that’s how my mother pronounces it and every time she mentions her DI-A-REEEEEEE (which she has ALL. THE. TIME and insists on telling everyone) my sister or I send the warning text. In our house we just call it the Big D.

      Maintenance is another one I can never spell. I try so hard to avoid using it in writing. I have dreams I’m in a spelling bee and that’s the word I get. Total stress.

      Liked by 2 people

        1. I will never call it anything else ever again. Diareeeee. My grandmother called it “the scutters,” which I always found hilarious.


            1. OH! And my other grandmother used to say Lucy Bowels was visiting. As a child, I didn’t get that one.


          1. My granddaughter says she is peeing out her butt. She was 3 when she said it the first time, now she is twelve and still says it. She also calls her period the bloody splatters. Oh geezus!


  18. I have to think twice every time I spell guard. And it is not the name of my first pet Mr ID Thief!


  19. About your chair: you might find a continuing education program at a nearby school that teaches upholstery and you could do it yourself. We used to have them around here but it seemed too much effort for me, but you’re younger and more out-going than I am. BTW, I believe I deactivated my FB account (on purpose) so I’ll only see you on email.


      1. I’ve taken a few of their “classes”. When I know more than the person “teaching” we’re all in trouble. Maybe that’s only true of our local store, but what a waste of time.


  20. Happy to hear your luggage has been returned and hoping your 4-leaf clover turns out to be double lucky.


  21. Try this for your screen door. Costs a bit more but is so much stronger and lasts forever.
    I used a similar mesh in Australia and the cats could not destroy it with their claws.


  22. I only watched Mean Girls because of my daughter. I don’t think I’ve heard the word “lesbian” uttered more in a single movie.

    Anyway, keeping my fingers crossed that the four-leaf clover leads to even more good luck, if you know what I mean.


  23. Mean Girls! I liked it okay, but I have a favorite quote that I use all the time from that movie. I won’t quote it, though, because I always find that when people spoil any part of a movie or a book or a quote, I no longer have any interest in seeing/reading/saying it anymore. It loses its luster, and I don’t want to do that to you. Enjoy!


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