Keto My Heart

Because I don’t have enough going on, today I’m starting the keto diet.

You know it’s a good sign when you don’t get to the grocery store to BUY your keto food till 9 p.m. Which is what I did yesterday. Look, I have a lot of kittening and catting and dog-walking to do after work.

I guess now is a good time to throw in the obligatory kitten pictures. Yesterday afternoon, when I got home from work, which haven’t I said that like 14 times now? Okay, June, we understand you came home from work.

So I got home from work, heh, and when I opened the kitten-room door, all seven kittens were using the three litter boxes. They were having a little litter box party. As you do. Tonight we’re gonna potty like it’s 1999.

You’re welcome.

They’re so much more adept at the box than those last four kittens, and for that? I am grateful.

i yewse da box

What cat fur on my black pants? Say, June, here’s an idea… How ’bout you ixnay the black ants-pay?


we frowneee

IMG_7768.jpgI had trouble getting a photo of her actually sitting still. I’ve already washed that blanket once, I shook it out 394934043 times, and I’m washing it right now as we speak.


cleen crums, fostir mama. it dispiccccible in heer.

While I was sitting here selecting from the 294839403 kitten photos I took yesterday, I also made my keto coffee, which consists of regularly scheduled coffee (use a french press! they say. fuck off! I say.) with some coconut oil blended in it. It’s kind of delicious but makes my throat hurt. Why does it make my throat hurt?

…I just Google fuckinged it, and it happens to other people, too, though no one can say why. Thanks, world. Helpful.

IMG_7759.jpgHah! I forgot I had this one. Runty is very screechy, and I love her so bad.

That delightfully clean blanket just stopped washing, so I’d better get it in the dryer so they can have it back and soil it as soon as possible, and then I’d better get to work. Then you know what I’ll do?

I’ll come home from work.

I know this was a short and shortie post, but I’m doing a lot. I’m doing it all. I’m every woman, it’s all in me.

And by all, I mean a fat layer.

Talk to you tomorrow, when I will give a full First Day of Keto Report, which I am certain places you at the edge of your seat.

I will leave you with this final, petty annoyance, which should really be the slogan of this non-blog. I was watching Parenthood the other night and got annoyed by how DAMN MANY producers there are on the show. The credits were distracting, there were so many.

Watch and grow annoyed with me, won’t you? Also, why do they think people talking at the same time is fun to sit through?


Goddammit…Autocorrect ruins my life.


Published by


At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

39 thoughts on “Keto My Heart”

  1. Delurking to say KITTEH BELLIE!!!!

    Or shout. But oh, pudgy baby belly. I will love him and pet him and squeeze him.

    One last thing, I really, really, really wanted to like Parenthood. But there was just too much that annoyed me. Like plot lines introduced out of nowhere to be angsted over for most of the episode then wrapped up neatly in 3-5 minutes of crying about how we all just really love each other, really.


  2. I am totally unfamiliar with the Keto diet, so I’m excited to see it unfold. I’ve done the Whole30 several times and pretty much just kept eating that way (most days, but not today, for instance). I have to say, Whole30 works like a charm. It is closest to paleo, but I’m curious about keto.
    Your kittens are cute, and wow, there sure are a lot of them!


  3. Facebook group : Keto Saved Me….great no nonsense nice bunch. I’ve been eating low carb for 2
    years – lost that 40 lbs and feel great. That group was key.


  4. I have never watched Parenthood, but it must be micromanaged with all those producers.

    Kitties never get old!

    Lovely post, lovely June!


  5. Oh, the kittens. How I love them. The runt’s fingerless gloves always fool me. She seems to have her white paws on white surfaces which makes her toes disappear and makes her front legs look shorter. Which, if you ask me, makes her look even more adorable. You’re such a good foster mama. I can just smell the wet cat food and kitty litter from here. That, or my coworker’s lunch realllly reeks.


  6. I have tried and tried to understand the keto diet and it is beyond me how you know you have hit ketosis. All I know is they WANT you to eat loads of bacon and even more butter and avocado. And that is fabulous all right there, but the balancing act of getting it right seems to be what I can’t get. I will be following along watching here to see what you find out and how it works for you.


    1. I think you can tell when a person reaches the state of ketosis by their unbearably bad breath. My SIL is on the keto diet and after a few weeks, her breath was awful for a few days.


  7. The kittens are adorable! They photograph well against your black shirt. Good luck with your diet. We have been on the South Beach Diet since early April and are definitely eating healthier without the excess carbs.


  8. I woke up this morning thinking this was the last day I could eat like a pig before the new month kicked in. May 1st is the date I get serious about diet and exercise for my step-daughter’s wedding at the end of June. Oh, I need to be at least 10 pounds lighter, and 15 years younger looking. I was thinking that today’s menu would be ice cream and pizza, chips and cheesecake and…and… and then I saw the calendar. Fuck me. I completely wasted a perfectly good diet bomb day yesterday by eating relatively healthily. So, back to nuts, seeds, berries and greens. Plus old lady exercise.

    By the time that wedding comes, I will resent everyone and everything. Of course, that’s pretty much my MO anyway, but still.


  9. Kitten in bed pictures:

    left: Marilyn Walton: I had the radio on.

    right: Nice Beanie Baby. Did you cut the tag off?


  10. My name is Jeanie, and I am a carb lover. There, I said it. I would never be able to do the keto diet, to say nothing of the hell the carbs play on diabetes.


  11. The kittens are so adorable! I’m happy they are using the box. Maybe I can send my cat to Joob and she can teach the cat that trick.
    I love Parenthood! I’m watching season six and I keep cheating by googling whether Zeek lives or Joel and Julia get back together, etc. I haven’t been annoyed by the talking over one another, but I will probably notice it now. I need another show to watch when I finish this one.


  12. I’m looking forward to following your Keto story as it unfolds. Maybe try MCT oil vs the coconut oil, although start with a small amount as some people have told tales of not making it to the toilet in time and it’s not a pretty picture…
    Your new fosters are so sweet and cute, I’m 100% jealous of all the kitty love you get every day.


  13. i’ve also started following mariamelts on instagram. she’s keto and she photographs her meals. pretty inspiring.


  14. did you mention you read reddit? they have a lot of information on their keto thread. my two issues are cinnamon creamer in my coffee and red wine. otherwise i am already eating w/ less carbs due to new diagnosis.



  15. Oh, those kitties! Last night, I dreamt that SEVENTEEN baby kittens had found their way into my living room along with their knocked up again mom cat and I didn’t know what I was going to do with them all and how would I keep my dogs away from all of those cats. Sadly, when I woke up, there weren’t swarms of baby kitties anywhere in my house.

    Good luck with your keto diet. Remember, Pop Tarts and pizza rolls and anything out of the vending machines are now forbidden.


  16. Love the kittens. I think I need one. I will trade you two slightly used adult kitties. Hey, one of them looks like SD except fat! Been having a horrible year. Only good thing is that I have lost about 25 lbs dieting so now am only sort of fat instead of hugely fat. Hey, baby steps.


    1. I failed to mention that last night, Steely Dan not only stayed home, he slept with me. He purred and he rubbed his head on me and cuddled and carried on.

      Then today he’s been acting like we’ve never met. You’d think I roofied him.

      Liked by 4 people

  17. She was brilliantly portraying squinchy Sarah Braverman, a character passionately in denial about her serial poor life choices. And those of every single person around her. And being talked over by 97% of her family when all she wanted was the ketchup.


  18. I’m about to put myself on the keto as well. Some people at work have been successfully doing it and they all look great, so I assume my results will likewise be as carefree and positive.

    Also too – that whole “let’s all talk at once” thing that happens is why I could hardly tolerate watching Parenthood. It made me loony. I get that people do it in real life – heck, I DO IT in real life. But in real life one of the parties is generally yelling, generally me. Gilmour Girls – same thing. It must be what’s her name. Sarah/Loralei. She infected them with her talky-overness.

    Lovely post lovely June!


      1. If you are eating it out your ass, I think you may be doing it wrong. Pretty sure. Maybe you should Google that.


  19. Well, I think it is a good thing I don’t watch Parenthood.

    Those kittens just melt my heart. Those babies are doing great using the box. They just know. The Waltons will be so box trained by the time they are ready to be adopted. Do you think because Nancy was feral and had box problems she didn’t teach her babies how to use the box?

    This is not advice, just information we just obtained. Last week we, meaning me and my husband, got out lab results, some were good, some not so good. Our NP told us to correct the not so good labs, eat supper (dinner) by 6:30 p.m., be sure to have protein and vegetables, no raw food, because it is harder to digest and don’t snack once you finish supper. Seems all those snacks turn to fat or sugar. So far I’ve dropped three pounds and my husband has dropped five pounds. One of the FB members has been posting some delicious looking meals she is having on the Keto diet. Yesterday I made a pot of vegetable soup, minus the normal carbs I put in soup, with lots of chicken. It was good and easy and several days of meals.


  20. Coconut milk in my tea or cappuccino gives me horrible, awful heartburn. I can’t imagine what coconut oil in coffee would do to my gut. OY. This body is so predisoped to fattness. Good luck with that new food plan. Grouchy this morning, sorry.

    Whoever I go in the box in your adorable kittenese is, he is now tugging at my heartstrings almost as hard as the runt!


  21. I have friends who have lost 41 and 33 pounds since January 15th doing Keto. I am happy for them. I have decided I just can’t do it. I like the grains way too much to give them up forever. Even if it meant I would lose 40 lbs. in 4 months. I just can’t. BUT I hope you have the same success and will cheer you on!

    I want the runt and it’s a good thing we are approximately 650 miles apart.


    1. Perhaps. But that sounds like gastric bypass with keto to me. I have had a few miracle friends like that too, and every time it turns out there was a little surgery in there. Not that that is easy either.


  22. Good luck on keto–I looked into it before, and I can’t give up certain foods (and not even the fattening ones, just fruits and rice).

    Thank you for the kitten pictures. My day is now made.


  23. I never noticed how many producers there were. I was usually too miffed at how fracking rude and bratty the kids were, or trying to tally up just how many bad decisions Sarah had made. And how often do you think Lauren Graham took a long hard look at Amber and wished she had Rory back? And Crosby’s gf/so, whose name escapes me, (I keep thinking “Jumanji,” but that’s not it), JASMINE!! also bugged me. You know what? They ALL bugged me.


Comments are closed.