Next to the astronaut

Eds won’t stop acting the fool this morning. “Come sit and chew Blu and be a nice dog,” I just commanded him.

Edz ALWEEZ nice dog.

Really, I should put off covering that chair for longer. It’s not disgusting enough. I guess if I recover that chair, putting it by the back door again is out, right? I need, like, a mud chair back here. Or, hey, a dog bed. Look at me. The ideas just keep coming. I’m like Ben Franklin.

Anyway, I’m tryina think of things that’re new that I can actually tell you about.

IMG_6897.jpgOn Tuesday, Ned went to Taco Bell. As you do. When you’re Ned.

One of the old movies was on at my old theater, and seeing as how we’re old, Ned and I decided to go. “I have to get my hair cut first,” said Ned.

My first date with Ned was January 19, 2012. You’ll recall that was a Thursday.

The reason we went out on a Thursday was because when he asked me out for the first time on a Monday and we were tryina make a plan, he was getting his hair cut on Tuesday, so Tuesday was out. I was having dinner with The Other June on Wednesday. So Thursday it was. I do not know why I remember all this.

My point is, Ned always gets his hair cut on Tuesdays. Every sixth Tuesday. I get my hair done whenever I have money and/or my gray roots are so absurd that I look like Shirley Maclaine when Deborah Winger is dying in Terms of Endearment. I know I always use that line,  but it’s so accurate.

I’m lying here next to the astronaut.

So, Ned gets his hair done, a phrase he adores, right near my house on every sixth Tuesday. He’s done around 6:00, and the old-people movie starts at 7:00, so we didn’t have loads of time, and I said, “You wanna go to Taco Bell?” and when he said yes, I fell over dead and I’m writing this while lying in the silk. Next to the astronaut.

He got a taco and a glass of water, which did not annoy me in the slightest.

Who even knew water was available at Taco Bell?

The movie we saw was Raiders of the Lost Ark, and what amuuuuused me was I got home after, and pretty much every coworker I have posted something from Raiders of the Lost Ark on the social media, there.

One guy took a picture of the organist playing beforehand. “Raiders of the Lost Ark on the big screen? Shut up and take my money,” he wrote.

I did not post to any social media about my movie. I’m just taking 450 words to tell you here.

IMG_6905.jpgYesterday I came home for lunch and noticed Edsel’s tooth was loose. That fangy one hanging out. He’s like a 6-year-old human with a loose tooth. Except he’s an 8-year-old dog, and are dogs supposed to have loose teeth? I think not.

So I took him to the vet, which he enjoys 100% of. Even though he shakes once he sees the building, it ends almost immediately once we’re inside. People talk to him and give him treats, he can glare at other dogs who have the nerve to inhabit the planet. Then he gets a restorative treat after. The whole setup works for the Edz.

Ooo, we goin’ to bets!

That crumpled thing back there is a dress I keep meaning to take to dry cleaning. Ask me how that’s going.

Oooo, we at bets! BEST TING EBER!!
MARRGLPH, marrrglph. Hush puppeee after bets! Marrrgulph.

Anyway, $78 later, it turns out he has a very loose tooth, and that it’ll fall out on his own very soon. He needed a rabies shot, anyway, so he got that yesterday, and we refilled his Sentinel. As he is a stoic sentinel.

The vet said as dogs age, those bottom teeth get loose. I know Lu lost one down there too. They asked if he liked to chew, and that is when I got to tell them all about Blu.

Turns out, m’vet’s Corgie also enjoys toys from the company that makes Blu. This would be a good time to add one of my Amazon links I never remember to add.

Edsel has destroyed every “Can’t be destroyed” toy out there, till one of you–and who was that?–sent Edsel Blu. He’s on Blus #3 and #4 now (he has two, so when one goes missing in the yard or cushions, there’s a backup so he doesn’t get the shakes). It took him years to ruin Blu #1, and we left Blu #2 in Uncle Ned’s yard when we lived there, I think.

Anyway, that company makes other toys, too, and if you click that photo, above, you can of course go on Amazon and shop for whatever you want. As long as you click over there by using the image or my seaglass image that’s on every page of this not blog, I will become rich.

Photo on 4-12-18 at 8.27 AM.jpgAlso, this is how I’ve been writing you. With this weasel strewn across me. I just write around her. If you knew how often I just write around a cat.

Last night, I went BACK to the old theater and saw Gillian Welch, which was good, except she said one weird thing.

“I had an interesting experience in your city today,” she began, strumming her guitar. Everyone cheered, all WOOOO! Greensboro!

“I saw what’s left of Proximity and Revolution,” she began.

Okay. What was she talking about? I’ve lived here for 10 years. Proximity is the nice hotel I like to drink at. It’s lovely. The only Revolution I know is that cool mill where I get my hair done NOT every sixth Tuesday. It’s thriving. New apartments have gone in there, and new restaurants and stores. It’s humming with activity. What was she…?

Did she just DISS our city?

The whole audience was stonily silent. I have no idea what she was talking about, but it seemed …not kind. Pretty much everyone I know who lives here likes living here. People always talk about how there’s “enough to do” and that it’s affordable and nearly everything is 10 minutes away. Downtown is booming.

Anyway, it made me mad, although I’m still not clear on where she meant, anyway.

I’d better get to the work, and do the work, like I’m RuPaul or whatever.

Current references-ly,

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At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

28 thoughts on “Next to the astronaut”

  1. I adore Gillian Welch! I can’t imagine that she was being shitty. Was she? Lawzy, I hope not. She sings like I wish I could. My singing will make you wish for the barking dogs singing Jingle Bells.


  2. I get my hair cut every eighth Saturday. You’re welcome. And you’re also not surprised.

    Fun fact: Years and years ago I was in a Taco Bell, when a drive-up customer ordered a burrito. The worker needed to clarify what kind, and so asked, “Beef? Or Bean?” Customer: “Bean.” Since the speakers were of dubious quality and I believe this was before the era of the headset, neither the customer nor the worker could hear the other clearly. “Beef?” “Bean.” “Bean?” “Bean!” “Beef?” “BEAN!” This went on for several minutes by which time I was laughing so hard that at my current age, I’d’ve wet my pants. Fortunately I was much younger then.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You know what’s weird? I clicked over to that story and they immediately quoted Jeanne King, and I KNOW her! Cool!



  3. Ned cracks me up. June makes me hungry. Taco Bell sounds delicious.

    I love Edsel. I hope his tooth comes out easy.

    Lovely post, lovely June!


  4. Perhaps Edsel used to eat puppies because he thought they were hush puppies? That’s the only logical explanation.


  5. Well. Now I need the following up story. I am betting Roxie’s mom is right and it is a gentrification diss. Whatever with that.


  6. I am a Facebook holdout and my imagination is running wild with shenanigans that could be going on there! Water at Taco Bell….I am guessing that is just because there is no cervasa at the Bell of Taco.


  7. Back in the 90s, Ross Perot was a speaker at my large university. He called us Muleshoe U. Money doesn’t buy manners.


  8. “On Tuesday Ned went to Taco Bell. ” This made me laugh out loud, then he got ONE taco and water. Plunk.

    I didn’t realize that dogs lose their teeth when they get older. My cat, fmr., lost two upper teeth, the fang teeth, but I am pretty sure those two teeth are lodged in another cat from fighting.


  9. Maybe it was a gentrification diss. You’re not authentic anymore because now you have nice things.


  10. We just had a FAAAAAAmous author visit our school (doubt she’s famous? Just ask her.) who lives in a nearby suburb known to be soooooo snooty. It’s 30 minutes from here and they think we can’t smell their shit. ANYWAY. She comes to our school, and tells us – in that self-deprecating way of the oh-so-snooty – how awesome they are. An auditorium full of high schoolers staring at you is not what you want when you’ve been paid to entertain and inform. “Their biggest issue – Prada doesn’t make a backpack!” Silence. Not cool.

    You’re so pretty June!


  11. Looking forward to a picture of Eds with a missing tooth. Sure hope it doesn’t ruin the alignment of those bottom teefs.

    I’m not a Taco Belch fan, but if I was forced to eat there I’m certain I’d have more than one taco.


  12. I wonder if she didn’t capitalize proximity and revolution. It doesn’t really help to make sense of what she said, but it’s a new way to confuse the situation more.


  13. One taco and a glass of water?!?! I don’t think I’ve ordered less than two food items at Taco Bell in my life. If it’s one at least make it a crunchwrap supreme or a big burrito. When my husband and I go out the servers often try to give my order to my husband. I’m constantly saying, the asian chicken salad is not mine. I’ll take the BBQ bacon cheeseburger over here. I feel your pain.
    Lovely post, June


  14. I just spent a shit ton of money on Amazon and it was all for the puppy. Nothing for me. What the heck is wrong with me? And now I feel like she needs a Blu. I wonder if it comes in pink.

    Yes, that sounded like a diss. And now I must google Gillian Welch.


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