I am sorry to make Faithful Reader Paula tense, but I don’t have much time today. We have a first-thing meeting at work today re our annual evaluations. Our choices were a lunchtime meeting (no, not with free food. We’d have stampeded to that) or a first-thing-in-the-morning shindig. I opted for first thing. You know I like to get a few rounds of golf in at lunch.

But now tens of women and one gay dude across America are tense because I have to blog in my rapid, efficient style and then get in the car and head to my corporation like I’m George Jetson headed to Spacely Sprockets or Milburn Drysdale, getting to the bank.



Hey, June. Shows have happened since 1969.

Anyway, before I try to hand you five dollars and you take my whole wallet, I’ll tell you about this.

Yes, my bed is unmade. I didn’t know you were all coming over.

Nancy sighting!

I love that sweet cat. If there were a spectrum, cranky NedKitty would be on one end, and sweet Nancy would be on the other.

Ned was out of town on a business trip. And, see. I have all kinds of jokes right now. Jokes about how he’s conducting a series of NedTalks on commitment and so forth.

But I have dignity.

Anyway, he got waylaid. And, see. Oh, the jokes. But I have dignity.

He got held up because he was Customer of the Month at Hoot–no, see. Dignity.

He got his LOYALTY card punched at–nope. I am the bigger person.

I am holding my head high. I am Jackie Kennedy at the funeral, looking regal.

Anyway, apparently Nancy had been at Ned’s vet: Overpriced Cats-Only Clinic.

Helicopter Cat Dad, Inc.

SHE WAS BOARDING AT THE VET. He was headed home yesterday but was going to miss his connection because how can you connect with anyone if you aren’t trustworthy.


And he didn’t want poor Nancy–who probably thought she was being given back–to spend another night at the cat clinic. So I said I’d get her.

Ned was frazzled, so I called the We Take Your Moola Cat Spa and said I was a …friend of Ned’s and that I would be getting Nancy.

“May I have your name?”

“Well, no. I need it for identification and my bank account and so on.”

I’ll be here all week.

Anyway, it turns out I was listed as Ned’s In-Case-of-Cat-Emergency person anyway, so they let me take Nancy and boil her in a pot to get back at Ned.

Try it, nowse bitz

The place she stay at (have you ever noticed how some people say they “stay” places, while others say they “live” places? If you wanna call this living) happens to be in the same parking lot as my sandwich place, so on the drive over to get her last night, I placed an order for a low-cal BLT.

I’m telling you this because I got home holding a coffee cup, my purse, a BLT, a cat carrier, Nancy food in a Rubbermaid thing and some cat litter, because I was out of litter and figured I’d have to present Nancy with a box in which to allegedly pee. It’s not her strong suit.

Although she’s been doing really well for about two or three weeks.

Anyway, I plunked all of these things into my big chair, and went to the kitchen to get a bowl of water. I thought a manicure was a great idea right then.


I put the bowl in Nancy’s room, and when I returned to the Big Chair With Everything, the Big Chair Deluxe, I wish you could have seen Steely Dan’s head PRESSED against Nancy’s carrier.

Neither of them were being awful, but I did hear a faint, “mmmmMMMMMMmmmmm!” growl, and I don’t know who it came from.

And she may be small, but bitch was a feral. I think SD would have been more surprised than happy had I two-beta-fished the sitch and let her out right then.

IMG_6473.jpgBut I did not. Nancy recognized her old room, and fell asleep pretty fast. I think she’d probably not slept well at the fancy cat place. Ned told me he gets the deluxe room, and I said that’s probably her cat carrier with a jar of mayonnaise on top of it. “That’ll be 700 dollars, please.”

IMG_6479.jpgEventually Ned got back to Greensboro last night, and was Nancy ever glad to see her daddy. Oh, she loves him already.

People are complex, man. Thank god I’m a simple girl.

Okay, I gotta get ready. I have a shift at the Regal Beagle.

stop tawkin shit about my daddee, ant jooon


Published by


At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

48 thoughts on “NedTalks”

  1. Sweet Nancy. She really is a pretty girl! The sleeping picture is too sweet. And she looks like she was having fun at sleep-away camp with Aunt Joon.

    Well, TPA Ned has one saving grace; he’s a wonderful cat Dad. Not so great with the womenses, but awesome with the cats. Nancy loves her daddy.


  2. Funny post. Ned talk on commitment! Plunk. Boil Nancy in a pot! Plunk. Nancy has such a sweet little face. I love the closeup of her sleeping. I bet she was purring.


  3. So SD is not a fan of the Nancy. Huh. She is so cute, and I am happy that she and Ned have bonded. They are lucky to have each other!

    I hope you made it to work on time.

    Lovely post, lovely June!


  4. I think some of us just assume he talks too, that Ned. Men do. My husband loves him some gossip. His best friend called him an old washer woman once. I nearly peed my pants because there is truth in that.


    1. He talks to his mom a lot, and he’s good friends with one of his exes. I imagine old June ends up looking pretty shitty when he’s talking about us, right? I mean, I must. They say there are three sides: yours, his, and the truth.


  5. I appreciate the tag for posts with Ned. …Friend/Ned works, because originally it meant something like “I call him Friend, but he’s actually Ned, who is so much more. Now it’s the same, except “so much less.”
    Pleasingly effective.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I love Nancy she has the sweetest face indeed. Someone asked for recommendations for a cat motel and the lady was talked out of it – said having a person bob in and out of the house was better. Maybe next time he can give you the 700 smackers !


  7. PLEASE! You are such a k-k-k-Katie! Hubbell wouldn’t be no match for the likes of you.


  8. Now see? I was all set to award Ned points for keeping Shower-Pooping-Nancy (“SPN”) and then I read about him saying not nice things about and/or to you. What a consummate ass. So, ok, he can have *some* points for his patience with SPN, but not as many as he would have had and they’re tarnished now because he’s been a shit to you. Maybe you should poop in his shower.

    And I only got to read this NOW because Mrs. Boss was in bright and early (so they could leave on another trip today) and my morning routine was totally borked. “Read June” went right out the proverbial window. And I did stress when I saw that you were in a hurry.


      1. Just because you say hurtful , mean things when you are drunk doesn’t make it the right thing to do and doesn’t take away the hurt or the memory of it.
        Paula for comment of the century …poop in his shower , har har.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. So sweet. Nancy loves her daddy. I hope she figures out the box so she can stay. Ned seems like a good daddy.


  10. What a nice little visit. I was really nervous something was going to happen to your BLT. I was worried about the sandwich. Priorities.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Aww, Nancy has gone from being a teen Mom to living the good life with Ned as her butler.


  12. *offer donuts. I hit post too soon as I too am in a hurry. It is the Ladies Who Lunch day today and I have to arm myself with current events and interesting chatter. Off to the world wide webs I go.


  13. Ned Kitty is a lucky girl. I mean that you and Ned have decided to be nice to one another for the children/pets is a good thing. He doesn’t negative talk you, you well you…. Any who….

    Also and too, what kind of work thing doesn’t at least of donuts? Geeze who do you work for? The Hitler regime?

    Lovely post Coot.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Love this post! I am glad Nancy is with you instead of being boarded. Love these happy endings. Now go put your big Jackie O sunglasses on.


  15. I know some kids who would say, if they wanted me to drive them someplace like McDonald’s, “Can you carry us to McDonald’s?”


  16. I am so happy she’s still with Ned and being a good girl about using the litter box. She has the prettiest big eyes.


  17. Nancy! I love how she fell asleep in her old room. My, what big pupils you have, Nancy. The better to see Ant Joon with.


  18. No free food at a work thing? Ugh, why bother going?

    Nancy is such a pretty little thing, love how Ned dotes on her. No other comments on that.

    “The Regal Beagle.” I haven’t heard that name in at least a decade!


    1. Don’t forget all to go through June’s Amazon link at the bottom here to thank her with a bit of moolah for her efforts in making us laugh almost every day!


Comments are closed.