Queen Kong

When I first get up, I feel vaguely like a cafeteria server at the prison, or like Laura Ingalls Wilder when she had to feed the threshers the first day she was married.

“Gee, June, I don’t remember that from the show.”

And that was the day June tore down the street in her chonies and cut out her own tonsils.

Anyway, feeding the threshers. Not that even one of these mofos has helped me thresh even once.

o shut upz feeed steeleee
to be blawg dawg not always good tyme.
IMG_4658 2.jpg
to stop effing round, mom. you not see lillee starve.

I really have to vacuum that floor. I tried just sweeping it, but I see some leftover Feline Pine. This means Ima have to pull out the vacuum and terrify four kittens. Rewarding!

Anyway, when we left each other on Saturday, I had taken all the kittens and their mom to the shelter, for their shots and so on. When they brought back the cat carrier, I could tell right away that Nancy, the mom, was not in the carrier. “She’s ready to be adopted,” they told me. “Your friend, I think his name was Ned Nickerson? Emailed me to say he wants the mom.”

She knew more than I did. For while I had included Ned in a group email saying the kittens and mom were almost ready, he hadn’t written me to say, “Ima take the mom, for sure.” Or even fo sho. As Ned is forever talking that way. You know how street he is.

So then I came home and wrote to you, and said if anyone wants to fekking leave a tip for June, your old pal June, that would be great, because it turns out four kittens eat a lot and poop a lot, and yay, thank you for your tips thus far!

Then I couldn’t stand it, and I called Ned. “They took the mom cat from me. Are you really adopting her?”

He really is! When I called him, on Saturday morning, he was in Raleigh, and do I want to know why he was in Raleigh that early? I do not. I figure there was some kind of VaginaFest 2018 that he attended that I’d rather not consider.

The point is, while the shelter DICKED HIM AROUND–kept telling him one thing and then he’d get there and learn another (he’s been to the shelter like three times this week), and no one seems to know what anyone else is doing there–he is, in fact, getting Nancy today.

One of the things they did tell him Saturday was that he had to come get her right away, that they could not keep her on hold, so he screamed down there and they were all, “Well, she needs to be spade first.”

Jesus. But that gave Ned, who you may know is something of an unspontaneous person, a chance to go to the pet supply store, even though he already just had a cat for 18 years, and get new litter boxes and a new cat carrier and a little litter-trapping rug and I don’t even know what else, I just know he spent like $200. For a $25 cat from the shelter.

He said Nancy was already in the cats-for-adoption room when he got there the third and final time till he goes back today, just dead asleep, and he said she was probably exhausted from seven weeks of mom-ing. Her surgery is today, which ought to perk her up. Heh. He gets her at 5:00.

Meanwhile, I get to keep her children for two weeks. I don’t see the point, really. If they’re away from their mom, and they’re with me, why can’t they just be in another, permanent home?

Not that I’m complaining.

IMG_4650.jpgLexi took this one of herself, while I had the camera at the ready this weekend. It’s hard to photograph a kitten, as they are constantly on the go.

At work, one of our clients was, let’s say, a telecommunications company, and every three seconds they had something happening “on the go.” Get your bill on the go. Now you can watch The Big Game on the go. We do this service for you, because we know you’re always on the go.

Guess what I worked hard to recast? In copy editing, instead of just saying, “Re-fucking-write this,” we say, “recast.” Because we’re pretentious. And on the go.

Anyway, whenever evil Steely Dan is outside,

Here he is, not outside. The side of SD he doesn’t want you to see. Click here!

I let the kittens out. He seems appalled by them, and while he was great with Jodie Foster, I don’t want to take a chance with his evil self.

IMG_4608.jpgBut the point is, Edsel is an excellent kitten-sitter.

Edz try

Could I look more hagged out in that photo? Hey, I have a lot to take care of right now.


IMG_4598.jpgIMG_4623.jpgBut seriously. When I open the door to the kitten room, he gets this excited whine under his breath, and they all tumble out of there

[except for Lexi]
and climb all over Edsel.


Somebody peed on the bedspread in there, so I just took it off. That room is a mess. I was in there scrubbing the floor with vinegar this weekend, and as I already announced, I see I have to vacuum over by the boxes and food and so on. Good lort.

IMG_4603.jpgAnyway, he’s excellent with them. My mother said they’re like Fay Ray and he’s King Kong.

Queen Kong. Who’re we kidding?


So that was my weekend, although I did go out with the four coworkers who still like me.

IMG_4431.jpgWe met up in a part of town I really like. Everything’s old. I guess it goes without saying that if I really like something, it means it’s old.

See? Old.
See? Old.

IMG_4427.jpgThe good news is, there was a puppy at the bar, ye olde bar, so thank heavens I left my house of pets to go out and admire pets.

IMG_4426.jpgBut seriously. IRISH WOLFHOUND!!

I also ended up going to a Super Bowl shindig, and what commercials did you like? I thought the Bud Knight was funny. And I don’t want to see movie trailers during my Super Bowl commercials. Fuck off.

Anyway, when Ned gets Nancy I’ll officially alert you–and yes, he’s keeping the name Nancy. “Well, she already has a name,” he said, like she’s a dog or something. He’s very nervous. He’s only ever had the one cat, and he worries about adjusting to a new cat’s quirks. But Nancy is a delight. Unless she was being polite and once she feels more comfortable, she will be World’s Worst Cat. But you’ll be stunned to hear that I feel like I know from cats, and she’s a good one.

IMG_4673.jpgWhy would you know from cats, June? Why won’t you go ahead and recover that chair, June? That you already bought fabric for, June?

edz habing happee day. o, so happee day.




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At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

39 thoughts on “Queen Kong”

  1. My favorite part was America the Beautiful–my son got to sing with his choir to accompany Lesley Odom Jr. I also liked the Vikings Dodge Ram commercial the best–possibly because I live in Minnesota, and I REALLY wish the Vikings would have been PLAYING last night! It was so fun to have the game here, so many things to do, although I didn’t have the time to do them…which I regret now, of course. And JIMMY FALLON was here! It was just so cool.

    Those kittens get cuter by the MINUTE. And Edsel is the perfect Kitty care taker!

    Lovely post, lovely June!


  2. Western USA, so late here. I didn’t even know who was playing in the Super Bowl because I haven’t really watched football since the rules with replays and end zone dancing and completing the process of the catch have all sort of taken the fun out of it. But that game was fun. Lots of points. Fun commercials occasionally. Busta Rhymes by Dinklage! Narcissistic Bud Knight. I liked it all.
    I have about one hundred memes running through my brain to go with that soulful light grey kitty’s picture.


  3. Maybe we should buy the kitten food through your Amazon link and then prime it to you? Would that make you some money?

    I love these photos. The kittens are really going to miss you and Edsel. How much longer do you get to keep them?


  4. You would think they’d keep her one night after being spayed but I’m excited to hear that Ned really is going to take Nancy.


  5. Edz is so sweet with the kittenses! The pictures of them tucked in his tail and under his chin just about slayed me with the cute.

    That’s awesome that Ned is adopting Nancy! They both need each other, I would suspect. I hope she turns out to be an awesome companion for him.


  6. I loved the Tide ones by the end, also the truck one with MLK. I loved how so many commercials used a unity message. We need that in our country!


    1. And see – I hated being preached at. I just want to be entertained. A little more laughter and a whole lot less being offended suits me just fine.


  7. I enjoyed the Tide and Eli Manning commercials. Those kittens are so precious, I have been loving all the pictures!


  8. I gotta tell you I was unimpressed with most of the game, the ads, the half time show. Not that anything was bad, just nothing was great.

    Now, June’s current crop of kittens, they are outstanding! Such precious little muffins.


  9. I missed most of the commercials but dod love the Eli Manning ome. Now I’m going to have to Google the Peter Dinklage one. I’ma sports junkie and watched and cheered against New England the whole game. Yay for Phillie.
    Love all the pictures. It sounds like a great weekend was had by all but SD. I’m happy for Ned and Nancy.


  10. Kittens! Irish Wolfhound! Kittens! Puppy! Kittens! Cats! Kittens! Edsel!

    You outdid yourself, Coot. Lovely post to start the week.


  11. I love the kitten with the mostly black face with brown (Vicki maybe?) and Lexi. Wish I could kitnap them. My MIL is allergic to cats, which in many ways is a good reason to get one, but which also seems kind of passive aggressive. Or maybe just aggressive. For now I restrain myself. Glad Nancy found a home, and that Eds gets some kitten time. I watched some commercials but was mostly caught up in conversations this year.


  12. Edsel is going to need serious counseling when his four furry friends leave. He is clearly very attached, as in, in love with them. Poor Edz. Mom drives him crazy bringing extra animals home and then taking them away. WTF, mom!


  13. I love the photos of Eds and the kitties. He is so sweet with them. All the babies are cute, but Lexi kind of tugs at my heartstrings. I’m so happy that Nancy and Ned will be a family.

    I didn’t watch one commercial yesterday, only halftime, which apparently no one in the world had anything nice to say about. I do enjoy JT, but I found myself getting a little bored. I once gave my daughter his Sexy Back CD because all the songs sounded pretty much the same to me. If time permits (ha! All I’ve got is time), I may look at some commercials today on the Interwebs.


    1. At the lunch table of the gals who didn’t watch. I used to watch every year, know all the teams, have people over, make a crap ton of food and all in all just have a blast. I do not watch anymore. The CTE stuff, which I have followed before it was everyday normal conversation, well, it’s sad and wrong and I blame the NFL for hiding valuable information and pouring huge amounts of money into discrediting the facts and the researchers. Football at all levels used to be my favorite sport. I no longer watch or follow any of it. My childhood love of baseball has reignited though and I look forward to listening to the games on the radio during work days and weekends.

      All these kitten photos are really making my every day, and Eds is such a good Queen Kong!


  14. So much cuteness today. I fell asleep during the third quarter. However, my absolute favorite, in which I have watched it online about 10 times now, is the Doritos commercial with Peter Dinklage and Morgan Freeman.

    It’s good to hear that Ned is adopting Nancy Drew.


  15. I didn’t watch many commercials because I’d switch over to Puppy Bowl during every commercial break.

    Seeing Edsel with the kittens make me feel like the Grinch whose heart grew three sizes that day. Mine just exploded.


  16. I liked the Chris Hemsworth Australia one, because I love to look at Chris Hemsworth. And I love that Nancy gets to be adopted by Ned. Your life is such a sitcom sometimes!


  17. That Eli Manning commercial was the only one I laughed at, although why they feel the need to advertise the NFL during an actual football game is beyond me. And I’m with you June – what was with all the movie trailers? Gimme some Clydesdales and some puppies. Or some funny Budweiser frogs. Or a dog that fetches beer from the refrig.

    All in all I thought the whole thing was a let down. I’m crazy about JT but the audio on the whole performance was terrible. But I do have leftover nachos for my lunch today, so there is that. Although leftover nachos will probably be more like a nacho casserole, come to think of it.

    Love the kittens June. Can’t wait to hear Nancy has made it to her new home. She’s a lucky cat!


  18. Seeing the photos of Eds with all of the teensy kitties made some water leak from my eyes. I’m going to go ahead and blame PMS for that.

    I, too, liked the Eli Manning commercial.


  19. Edz is doing an outstanding job caring for those kittens. So happy for Need and Nancy. She will have a good life with him. I didn’t watch any of the commercials.

    Denatured alcohol works well for eliminating cat odors. You find it in the paint department at Lowe’s or Home Depot.


  20. I love kittens so much! Thanks for posting the kitten pictures. I am so in love with Edsel. His kitten love is incredible. I forgive him for not liking other dogs. I do wonder why some dogs choose certain species to love and some to want to eat. My dog loves other dogs but wants to put kittens in his mouth. He is so kind and gentle otherwise. I don’t get it.


  21. I liked the commercials. I liked the weird mango Coke dance and the Dodge MLK one, too. I watched the entire game. It was a good game. I didn’t watch the halftime show at all. As usual, the Puppy Bowl and the Kitten Bowl were delightful! Congratulations to Nancy Drew and Ned Nickerson.


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