June does her makeup and talks to you. Yes, again.

It will be 11 years Friday that I’ve done this dang…website. Other than June’s Live Sex Tape, I’ve pretty much done it all on this thing.

[Considers June’s Live Sex Tape.] [Step one: Get sex life.]

Photo on 12-13-17 at 8.18 AM.jpgWhen we left each other yesterday, dabbing at our eyes the annoying way the Real Housewives do: dab, dab dab–check Kleenex, we said every day we’d try a new lip color from my exciting Clinique set of 20 lip colors that I needfully bought. Because if there’s anything anyone needs, it’s 20 Chubby Sticks.

Step one: Get one chubby stick.

Hey, mom. [Sees mom in her head. Sees mom’s pursed lips. You know what would unpurse them? A Chubby Stick, by Clinique!]

Photo on 12-13-17 at 8.21 AMSince we all know this exciting post is going to end in me showing you today’s color: Fuller Fig (as opposed to yesterday’s color: Richer Raisin), I thought we’d put on our makeup altogether together.

Oh, June. With the play on words.

So I started up there with my grocery-store-purchased Revlon Brow Fantasy, and if you’re really having fantasies about eyebrows, consult your nearest medical professional.

I am using Light Brown, or as the fancy people call it, Brun Clair. Why is my eyebrow pencil also French? Do a lot of your French folk schlep to the grocery store for their cosmetic needs?

In real life, when I have the dollars, I prefer the Anastasia brow products called DIPBROW™. Look at me, even adding the TM.

Photo on 12-13-17 at 8.27 AM #4Laura Gellar Baked Balance-n-Brighten, because you know how much I love anything with “n” instead of “and” in the title. My Aunt Mary, whose initials are QVC, sent me my first compact of this in 2015 and I’ve been using it ever since. It’s easy and it works.

Also, since I moved my computer in my quest to photograph anything OTHER THAN THE RAYS OF THE SCREAMING SUN, please note my poor succulent back there. It seems to be drooping. As you can see, it’s not like it’s NOT GETTING ANY SUN, so does anyone have succulent advice? I know to not water it often; that’s why I HAVE a succulent. Have you met my attentive nature?

Photo on 12-13-17 at 8.32 AM #2Laura Mercier Secret Concealer for Undereye. It’s not a secret anymore.

I wonder if Laura Gellar and Laura Mercier duke it out in my cosmetics bag?

Photo on 12-13-17 at 8.34 AM #2I really meant to go to the store last night and get root touchup. GodDAMMIT. Anyway, Bobbi Brown eye shadow in Gray. Because it’s my prerogative.

Do I make that joke every time? What do you want from me? I’m an old woman. Also, note my gray eye shadow and my gray roots do not match. Apparently there really are 50 shades of gray.

Photo on 12-13-17 at 8.38 AM.jpgI like how my blog about me is showing pictures of me with a reflection of me in the background. Also, carry on, my wayward sun. Jesus, with that sun. So to speak. Talk about your father, sun and holy shit it’s bright back here.

Anyway, Revlon ColorStay eye pencil in Black/Brown, or as they also like to call it, Noir/Brun. Okay, Revlon. Get over your not-French self.

Followed by DiorShow Blackout mascara, and the color is apparently 099. That’s warm and personal.

Ninety-nine. I’ve been waiiiting so long. Oh, 99, where did we go wrong. Oh, 99.

We need to hear more from Toto. Whatever happened to them? We cast aside our musical heroes so fast. Toss ’em aside and call them 099.

Incidentally, while I’m writing to you and doing my makeup, what I know for sure is that eating six Jeno’s Pizza Rolls for breakfast is not good for you.

That is why I’m having six Totino’s Pizza Rolls.

IMG_2616.jpgTAAA-DAAAAA!! FULLER FIG, which I just typed as “Fuller GIF.” Again, it’s not bad. I don’t wanna marry it, be June Fig. But it’s okay.

What’s not okay: gray fucking roots.

So there it is: A simple makeup routine that, if you also blog about it and photograph it and eat pizza rolls during it, takes a mere hour and a half.

IMG_E2612.JPGI leave you with this portrait of ennui that I took last night. Apparently there was a staff meeting no one told me about. Perhaps they’re planning a takeover.

Fine with me. I hate being in charge around here. Let THEM figure out how to afford flea meds for four.

Talk to you tomorrow, when we shall delve into the exciting world of Clinique’s Whole Lotta Honey.

WAYYYYYYY down inside. WOman. Youuuuu neeeed.


June Fig

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At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

61 thoughts on “June does her makeup and talks to you. Yes, again.”

  1. What is with the Toto lead singer’s lips? Someone needs to give him some chap stick, or the camera needs to stay farther away. Especially on Make-Up Day. The contrast was distracting. Also, I had forgotten that that band had the large framed glasses. Wow.

    Lovely everything today, June! (Well it is today for me, yesterday for you…)


  2. Someone needs to put your nonblog/blog on the make-up sites. Maybe you could get free make-up. I fail at being a girl. I am terrible at the make-ups. I just placed an order to Ulta because someone gave me a gift card two years ago and I figured I had better order it before I lost it. So yes I have had a $100 make-up gift card sitting in my underwear drawer screaming “Hey, your daughter thinks you need to put some paint on that face cause you are looking ragged”. It was so annoying some days I wouldn’t even open that drawer where as the drawer that has my dog leash and poop bags has a PetSmart card that gets a work out weekly. I digress. So I ordered some stuffs. Stuffs to put on my face. I am not sure what to do with most of it put I figure what the heck I’ll either look like a drag queen or Mimi from Drew Carey Show or I’ll be gorgeous. I’m thinking it will be closer to Mimi.

    Brows. Can we talk brows? I have 3. No not three eyebrows but three eyebrow hairs. When it comes to eyebrows I don’t. So I bought some stuff a couple of months back that I dearly love. It gives me the brows. Well, not 1980s Brook Shields brows but some lines above my eyes that don’t look drawn on like Ronald McDonald. Stuff is called Wonder Brow. LOVE IT. It last about 3 days and enhances the 3 hairs I have. They also make mascara. LOVE IT.

    OK so now June has got me excited about my box of stuffs coming from Ulta. I gotta go sit by the curb and wait for the UPS man.

    Lovely Post Coot and I really like the Fig.

    PS. I have been taking my doggie, Bozz, to training the last couple of weeks and the lady who trains him has a dog aggressive dog there. He reminds me of Edz. After 2 weeks of going 3 times a week to Shera Queen of the Jungle, he is no longer dog aggressive and is a happy boy. This weekend her owner is going to try a foster dog with old angry Gus. Shera says it is fear and that once they become a part of and accustomed to the pack they lose their aggresion. So I say this not for advice but to say there is still hope.


  3. Next could we have a hair tutorial with the products you use? Could that ever happen, beautiful Jooooon? Pretty please with a pizza roll on top.


  4. Your hair and lip color look mahvelous! I started using everpro gray away magnetic powder to cover my roots. You apply it like blush or powder. Maybe you can post an Amazon link and become wealthy while providing a PSA. 😉


  5. Lovely photos and cute pet meeting!

    I bought the generic pizza bites at Aldi’s for Christmas gatherings. They probably know what they’re getting when they show up here but if not, maybe the $2 Trader Joe’s wine will complete the picture.


  6. 1. Fuller Fig looks GREAT on you.
    2. Can we have a line up of al 20 shades on you in one post and then vote when these 20 days are up?
    3. I got nothing, but ending at two seemed weird.


  7. The photos in this post were all GREAT. Your posts are such a great escape.

    THANKS for the specific makeup brands! I truly needed some help in that area, and your makeup looks great. I could still use some advice on a good foundation for older skin that has spider veins on cheeks and side of nose. (No, I’m not a big drinker!)

    For the person that was asking about puffy eyes, I don’t have any makeup suggestions, but you know what helps with puffy eyes? Tucks pads! They’re moistened circular pads with witch hazel, sold mostly for people with hemorrhoids and such, but essentially they shrink swollen tissues. Teabags that have been used and then cooled also work well, because of the tannic acid.


  8. High five on the brow thing you use! #metoo. Also, I did not read all comments so sorry if someone already gave you succulent advice but I am quite certain that your succulent wants to be outside. It would REALLY like to be in California or Arizona but since that can’t happen, try putting it outside and see what happens. xoxo


  9. Fuller Fig is a good color for you. Honestly, I never notice your roots, only when you call attention to them and I have to go back and look at the photo. Your hair looks amazing. I only wear makeup when I have to dress up, not with my daily uniform (jeans and a turtleneck), but I do use moisturizer that I found at Aldi.


  10. I enjoy watching you out on make up but most you tube tutorials annoy me to no end! Too much talking and then they do the weird thing where they hold whatever they’re about to use close to the camera, tap it with their finger while tilting their heads left and right! Gives me murder rage!


  11. You look so pretty, June.
    The picture of all the pets is the best ever.
    Totino’s pizza rolls are also the best ever. Might possibly be having some for dinner.

    Lovely post, June.


      1. Good to know, thanks. I’ve jumped on the LipSense train and I’m not sure I can ever go back to regular lip color.


    1. My eyes don’t get all that puffy, so I don’t know. Since I started on Latisse, I now have dark circles. Never did before. And I haven’t used Latisse in probably six months and I STILL have dark circles. Thanks, Latisse. Thanks, Obama.


  12. I have makeup questions now! Do you just use the compact makeup and under eye concealer to even your skin tone? Is the compact makeup a powder or a cream? Do you also use a cream/liquid foundation or just the powder? I’ve been wanting to try a powder foundation, but I’m afraid it won’t cover redness like my liquid or that it won’t go on smoothly over my moisturizer.


    1. Yes, just the powder compact and undereye concealer, but the compact is a good one, and I use it with a sponge applicator. Google the Laura Gellar powders. I like them. I don’t use moisturizer so I can’t answer that one, but I do use Rodin + Fields Brighten stuff, which is Vitamin C and Retinol, and it goes over that really well.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I tried the BLUR way back when and didn’t like it but I recently discovered Revlon Photo Ready (I think thats the name or Camera Ready or something) Primer which I LOVE! You can use it under foundation or just on its own. It fills in all your pores and makes your skin look so smooth. It dries to a powdery matte so it’s not waxy, but is still no color.

    Love the pet pic. I think it’s so sweet they all get on the bed together! Is Steely Dan staying home a little more lately?


    1. He is. He seems to mind the cold, actually. I should knit him a teensy fey sweater.

      When these goddamn articles come, Ima be in a PANIC.


  14. All this fancy talk about makeup makes me want to go somewhere other than Kroger for my makeup. (In reference to June, can I use the word “make” more than three times in one sentence!) The only COSMETIC I even care about anymore is mascara. I put the Diorshow on my Amazon wishlist. Are you listening Santa? And be sure to have the elves link to it through June’s website. In other unrelated news, when I was two years old I had a pair of black patent leather shoes that I called my coots, because they were so coot!


  15. I hope that shot of the pets on the bed is your Christmas card this year. Too perfect!

    This “back to the future” read of June’s nutblog is quite disconcerting. I keep wondering “where’s Marvin? And why is June eating pizza rolls on Weight Watchers?”


  16. Ooh, I like that lipstick color on you, Coot. And your hair looks amazing. I wouldn’t have even noticed the gris roots if you hadn’t said anything. Mine are about two inches into my hair now and thank goodness I have an appointment for a cut and color this Saturday.


  17. I love Brow Power by IT. It’s a gray pencil thingie and it’s amazing.

    Also love the pic up there of Edsel Knight and the Kits.

    Very Coot, Jooon


  18. Yay–I am glad we are talking make-up today! Way back in the days of yore when this not-blog was an actual blog, you (and others) mentioned using a BB (or maybe CC?) cream called Blur. But, I can’t for the life of me recall who made it and I NEVER find it in the store. (Though, admittedly, I don’t have 900 hours to check every single brand down the eleventy hundred make-up aisles that seem to exist.) Do you still use this product? Or at least recall who made it?

    I like the Fig. It’s a very au naturale look.

    The pets…sigh! They look so sweet and innocent.


    1. I saw that blog post, too and rushed out and got me some Mabelline BB, which I’ve loved ever since. Not too heavy, blurs nicely, moisturizes, too.


  19. You look pretty, oh so pretty, you look pretty and witty and gay!
    And I pity any girl who isn’t you today.
    I don’t know why West Side Story started playing in my head but it seems appropriate.
    You do be lovely this morning, Coot.
    The family photo is adorable.
    Thank you for ending with Robert at his finest.


  20. Please more info on the DiorShow bitchin’ ass mascara. They have 13 different kinds. Your lashes could double as sea anemones. And thank you for the Zep video. I wanna be your back door man, June.


  21. OMG, I ADORE that picture of Edsel and the Pussycats. Hey. That should be a 60s band. Just needs a tweak with the name. Hmmm..

    I will never be as makeup savvy as you but recently purchased some brow thing from QVC (Hi Aunt Mary). By IT Cosmetics. I was talked into it by my brow-having friends. So far I have a Joan Crawford vibe going on. I think I need to lighten my touch. I also use concealer by IT, which is like spackle. I probably have too heavy a hand with that as well, and so sometimes I use some spongy twirly-up concealer device from some CVS brand. Maybelline maybe? But talk to me about gray eye shadow, Guru June. I use nudes, beiges (big surprise) and browns. Should I use gray? And why? Show your work.


    1. What’s the brow thing from QVC? Also? I am dearly hoping QVC gives us a Meghan Markle engagement ring as they did a Diana/Kate ring. Hello, Aunt Mary.

      Also too, I have heard that IT concealer is good, especially when you’re in the sewer with a red balloon.

      Plus finally, the only reason I ever bought gray eye shadow was because I use this makeup tutorial on YouTube on how to do a smokey eye, which is where your eye looks like a mountain in the South. God, I love me. The point is, it’s this British woman who does the tutorial, and she’s forever wanting you to use brown and gray shadows.

      In reality, that gray is more of a stone color–more of a dun color, if you want to go fancy.

      Also, also, I am waiting for 13 articles that will need to be proofed by Friday, and in my experience these articles take about two hours apiece, and I don’t have them yet, and here it is 10:00 on Wednesday and how’m I gonna get them all done by Friday without working overtime?

      Show your work.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. A You Tube tutorial!!! My God, I am so trapped in the 80s. Never occurred to me. Not that I am in any way artistic enough to manage THAT. Unless you mean Tareyton Smoker Eye. That I manage on the regular, although not intentionally.

        QVC: IT Cosmetics Brow Power Universal Brow Pencil Duo. I am not a QVC shopper, but I did get this from them (too many pronouns) because my local Ulta SUCKS. And now I’m told there is a leopard coat on QVC that I MUST check out. (OH RELAX, Cruella. FAUX leopard. Like I would wear REAL leopard.) I may become the East Coast Aunt Mary of QVC yet.

        As to Meghan Markle, my response now is: “Kate WHO?”


          1. 1) It IS an annoying name and Universal MY EYE, no pun intended.

            2) Didn’t you have a leopard coat and broke my heart when you gave it away? AND the leopard coat on QVC is wait-listed. Wait-listed. I can’t even.


    2. I use the IT undereye concealer and you to use only a little and blend it to death, but I like it. It’s a small tube that I found while waiting in line at Ulta on those racks they put there to entice you. It was only 10.00 but will last me 100 years or so.


      1. I also use the IT undereye concealer and I only need a miniscule amount. Even then, I have to be careful not to look like a reverse raccoon with light circles under my eyes. Normally, I have very dark circles so IT works like a charm. And a tube will last forever or, in my case, about 3 years.


  22. The pets were having the what-do-we-get-Mom-for-Christmas discussion. As soon as you looked at them, they feigned innocence. Only Edsel’s guilty look says, “What?”.

    You look pretty even with your gris roots. I wouldn’t have noticed if you hadn’t mentioned them because observant is what I am.


  23. 099 reminded me of that classic “Get Smart” riff — “Nein, nein, Ninety-Nine!” Just to add another language into this here international weblog.

    So shiny and sparkly this morning. It’s still as dark as the inside of a cow here.

    Love the meeting of the minds, your top, and your hair.

    Go Coot, go!


  24. You look gorgeous in the final photo. Well, not final FINAL, I hope. You remind me of what’s-her-name. Oh, yeah, Jennifer Lawrence.


  25. Omg when I was an annoying teen, my friends and I adored bi labels (as we innocently called em) like brown/bruin. But the best ever were the products with French sides and English sides. Walking down a store aisle, we would chatter en francais while flipping item after item to the French label face. Totally recreating the authentic Parisian shopping experience for cat food. C’est magnifique!

    You look dazzling and tres chic Jun [FR].


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