June picks a bad day to stop sniffing glue

Yesterday, I wrote about some, oh, personal stuff, and then I felt bad about it being so public, so I deleted this post and pasted it to (Face)Book of June, a secret page on Facebook.

For awhile, (Face)Book of June was just a closed group, meaning no one could wander over there and see all our top-secret thoughts. Sometimes it’s the only place we can safely complain about the people in our lives, as those people are often found on the REST of Facebook.

So, your drunk uncle is pontificating on your Facebook wall? You get to come over to (Face)Book of June to kvetch. He can’t see it!

But then we made it a secret group, which means you can’t even search for it. “CAN MY UNCLE SEE I COMPLAINED ABOUT HIM?”

No. He can’t even see this page exists.

We’ve waffled with it being closed/secret for awhile, and I just couldn’t recall our current status when I posted yesterday morning, and I had to go.

So when I deleted the post here (and yes, thank you all [all] [allllll] for telling me the email subscribers could still read it. That’s fine. I just didn’t want the…person at hand to read it, nor that person’s people, and if they’re weird enough to email subscribe to me, then that’s their problem), and announced it could be read on (Face)Book of June, I then screamed over to the courthouse for jury duty, a place that absolutely 100% totally for sure forbids any phone use. I guess I assumed everyone knew that, but apparently not.

In the mid-morning, they give you a break, so I turned on my phone and oh my god.




I had written that you should EITHER look for (Face)Book of June (and say that one more time) OR FRIEND REQUEST ME, but no one got to phase two. Instead they contacted me and bellowed.

So here’s the story. I accepted friend requests and added folks to the secret group as much as I could yesterday. There are still some outstanding and I will get to those as soon as I can. But I am vetting you first.

But if you have no profile pic, or a picture of the sky or something, and you have 0–10 friends, you ain’t gettin’ in. If you aren’t a real person who’s on Facebook already, I do not trust that you are joining this group as “Oh, I’d love to add Book of June shenanigans to my already rewarding Facebook time.” I think instead you may be a hater, or a lurker, or just someone nefarious who is going to sell us Ray-Bans.

Also, if you “can’t figure out Facebook” or how to add a friend or whatever, I am sorry, dude, but I picked a bad day to bring all this on myself, and you’re gonna have to adult and figure it out on your own. I’m just a blogger with a full-time job and a murder trial on her hands. I am not the IT department or a life coach.

Oh! And also! If you were a member before and you left, you can’t get back on. I can’t add you, and since it’s secret you can’t request to be added. Sorry. That was a snafu I didn’t know about. Also, why’d you leave, ass lips?

Thank god I just spent 600 words on that riveting topic.

The other news is, I am done with jury duty. And yes, it was a murder trial. I was excused because I just don’t believe in the death penalty. But I was in that courtroom all day Monday through Wednesday, and I heard a lot, and I am glad I didn’t end up being on that trial. I think I’d have ended up traumatized, and I just accidentally wrote “Neded up being traumatized” and thank you, Freud.

I was done around 4:00, so I didn’t head to work, I just came home and sat here, rather drained. It was a lot. I can’t imagine the toll it will take on the actual jurors.

IMG_0734.JPGEventually, I got up to walk the cur, which always makes me feel better unless her eats a baby or whatever.

IMG_0736June. Now with less drainage.

IMG_0726.JPGIt really alleviated my stress when I shot the dog. Just what the doctor ordered.

(He and Tallulah were big on rubbing their faces on the ground when that Gentle Leader is on. I know that thing must be annoying. But please note: If he’d had it on that one day, he’d never have gotten loose to attack that dog, so.)

IMG_0746.JPGAlso, do you have these all over yonder in your town? These are bikes anyone can use; you just have to scan something or other with your phone, and they charge you. I was tempted to put Eds in the basket and Wicked Witch all through the neighborhood.



Thanks, June. It’s been too long since you’ve needlessly referenced a film. One of the same five films you ever reference.


When I got home, I texted with my pal Hamlet, which resulted in me giggling like an idiot. Murder, she texted! Heeeeee!

I finally get to go to real work today, and I am glad. First of all, driving downtown is a pain in the ass. Parking downtown is worse. Having to be in a courtroom and not snack or pee when you feel like it is a real pain, as well.

I’d better get in the shower, and I know the idea of me naked has you all twitterpated now, and I’m sorry to get you in a lather. See what I did, there?

Your Facebook friend, unless you have a scammy profile,


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At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

57 thoughts on “June picks a bad day to stop sniffing glue”

  1. That picture of you is like the best ever. Nice pic, Coot. (By the way, that reminds me of a doctor whose name I encountered yesterday in the course of my work… Thaw Poon, MD. Wonder if he’s a lady’s doctor. Hope he doesn’t get mad I mentioned his name online, because really, what woman wouldn’t want to go see him?)

    I must confess that when the old Pie on the Face group was around, I joined and then left, because I wasn’t FB-saavy enough at the time to know that I could turn off notifications, and I just got overwhelmed. I do love being more connected with everyone, though.


  2. I’ve literally been trying to comment here for five thousand years so hopefully I’ll get added to the FB group and will comment like a fool. xoxo


  3. I was one of the folks able to read the Secret Squirrel post yesterday through a feed reader. Of course I will not reveal the contents, but I will say CRAP, MAN! And I’m sorry October is historically sucky for you. I think I’m the only person in the world who doesn’t just looooove fall. I hate fall. Nothing good happens in the fall. From late August to Thanksgiving, I just try to put my head down and get through it unscathed. We’re halfway there.
    Murder, she texted! Awesome!


    1. I am another who’s less than excited about fall. To me, it’s just a notification that winter is on its way. I don’t even like fall colors. They are okay separately, but please not together.


  4. I have commented in the past on your older blog with some boring nickname like Faithful Reader in Texas, and a couple of times in the Facebook group, June, which you kindly allowed me to join a long time ago.

    I wanted to say that even though I don’t have 10 friends on Facebook and nor fa picture on my account, I remain a faithful reader, and have enjoyed the opportunity to interact with other fans of yours there. The reason I’m secretive on Facebook is just because of an old stalking situation that makes me prefer to connect with real-life friends outside of social media, so I only use Facebook to support some worthy causes and connect with a few online friends.

    I hope the people who started messaging you rather than either figuring things out themselves using your very clear instructions or resigning themselves not to read the post rethink their “instant justification” mentality. It’s a gift to have your writing and wit available to us in this blog if and when you decide to share with us, and I’m sorry this whole “move the post to Facebook” thing ended up adding to your stress levels.

    On the bright side, you look gorgeous in our “with less drainage” picture. I hope you have another fun date with Ward soon!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. When I was called to jury duty for a horrific crime, I was extremely thankful I wasn’t selected. After the trial ended, I spoke to someone I knew who was on that jury and she told me how awful it was.

    Glad you weren’t selected for the murder trial.


  6. Shot the dog. That was the best!

    I am glad you aren’t on that jury, you have enough issues pinging the neurons in your brain without that kind of heavy shit.


  7. I’m laughing at old Edsel trying to run his Gentle Leader off! My 80 lb yellow lab mix also requires a Gentle Leader when I walk her. The first thing she does when I remove it is to rub her snout on the carpet at home.

    I can hear her mental voice saying, “Eye hate this stupid Snout Grabber mom makes me wear!”


  8. Around here, we call Jessica Fletcher the Doddering Old Biddy. Because we’re kind that way.

    Nice hair, Coot.


  9. Are we the most annoying bunch ever? I spend my whole life helping people with tech issues, and no I’m not IT either. It’s just my lot in life. And then I get home and get harassed by my mother to help her with her various and sundry tech problems, all of her own making. Today she is convinced that unplugging her downstairs phone somehow made her upstairs phone stop working. I will guarantee you that the real problem is she forgot to pay her bill.

    I am glad you got out of the jury duty. I myself have never been called. Let’s hope I don’t regret mentioning that out loud.

    Lovely coot, June!


    1. My dad does that with his I-phone 486. He will call me and say “my EYE-phone isn’t working” Then I ask how is he calling me and he will realize his EYEphone is working. Or he will call me and tell me he can’t text me. I know NOTHING about how his EYEphone works. His EYEphone is bigger than my laptop and he only uses the speaker function on it. It doesn’t matter where you are he will answer his phone and put you on speaker so all of tarnation can hear you. From now on I will say I am not IT and I am not a Life Coach (even though I am certified as one).


  10. “IT PUTS THE CANINE IN THE BASKET” killed me absolutely dead. But I died laughing, so.

    Man, you’ve had A WEEK sister. I hope you can do some serious chilling out and putting-it-all-behind you this weekend.


      1. How exciting! Hope you and your Coot and it’s Hare are buffed, glittered or gilded, braided and ready to go!


  11. “I am not the IT department or a life coach” is how I will respond to all questions from now on, for the rest of my life! Love it.


  12. The issue I have with private FB groups/pages is when people add you to a page you never asked to be added to. Yes, I’m looking at you Lularoe people! If I wanted to wear your cheap ugly-ass clothes, I’d come to YOU. Don’t add me to your group without asking me.

    I wonder why people can’t be re-added to private pages. Maybe it’s FB’s version of “YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US!!!”

    I must be weird. I enjoy jury duty. Our new courthouse is beautiful and there is some really kick-ass people watching opportunities. I keep hoping that I’ll eventually get picked to serve on a jury. I’ll just have to mumble “um, sure” and look shiftily away when they remind us we can’t discuss the case.

    Very nice, Coot.


      1. I think private and secret are different – no? I have a neighbor who keeps adding me to her church page and I have to keep leaving. I have no idea what the privacy settings are on something like that – can anyone in that dumb group see my Facebook if I’m on their page that I didn’t even want to be on? I feel bad every time I leave, but really – shouldn’t SHE be the one to feel bad?


      2. I like that I ‘can’ be added because I’ve found some pretty cool groups that way. On the other hand, I must be a semi-dick then because I never feel bad about leaving groups I didn’t ask to be in, in the first place!

        Liked by 1 person

  13. Very nice, Coot.

    As one of the admins, I’m glad that making it a secret group ended the days of 65468764 people asking to join each day. Of which 634568765 were scammers but we had to look at all of their dumb profiles to check them out. Remember the guy that seemed to have a pie fetish? Hee!

    Liked by 2 people

  14. I was picked for a trial, and it was for a bias crime. Two younger guys, one with a major hot-shot defense attorney, and I thought, what’s going on here and what did these guys do? We ended up believing they were definitely guilty, but didn’t have the beyond a reasonable doubt thing. Always felt bad for the victim, and hope she was able to move on.


  15. I love that FB group. And I’m glad you have that space to say what you will, June. I’m glad we all do. I think I left briefly when I got in my feelings over some Bobbi Kristina Brown jokes (she had JUST died and gone to be with Whitney. It was TOO SOON for me!) but I was, thankfully, let back in once I got over my silly self. That group is nothing if not supportive, and funny as fuck. Love ya’ll.

    I am so relieved that you do not have to sit through a murder trial and then decide whether guilty or not guilty. I’ve been sitting in on them, albeit not as a juror, for my entire career, and they are horrific. Ofttimes there are photos to review. I had to review some photos of a woman recently to determine whether her hands were clutched or not. I put it off until I no longer could. They were gruesome. That poor woman. Criminal law is not for the squeamish, yet I am terribly squeamish.

    It’s so nice to see someone looking forward to going back to work after jd. You have a terrific job, June. What a blessing.

    Oh, also too…your rules for engaging on FB are quite reasonable and appreciated.

    Murder, she text!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think everyone has gotten miffed on that page, at some point or another. We’re pretty outspoken! I wish that stupid can’t-rejoin thing weren’t happening. I had no idea that would be a thing.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I just take a small breather if I get a little perturbed (rarely). I love the group too much to leave. I usually leave quietly in groups, no flouncing for me


        1. What??? You mean you don’t make a Big Announcement that YOU’RE LEAVING because you are offended?

          What are you, sane?


  16. I was on a murder trial jury a few years back and we ended up being a hung jury. Not because of me, but still, I assumed they would never take me on a jury again. There would be a big “hung jury member” over my head and I’d be sent home.
    Not so. Next time I was called for jury duty, they took me again. Made me foreman (foreperson?) this time.
    I think next time, they’ll let me be the judge, maybe.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Glad you got off the jury hook yesterday. I always have such a hard time deciding who is telling the truth. Criminals are so good at what they do!


  18. Totally understand your vetting procedure, but that rules me out unfortunately.
    Only signed up to Facebook for stalking ex husband and have no friends on there. The only reason I have a profile picture is that somebody hacked me a couple of years ago and made me into a young, attractive brunette as opposed to the ageing blonde I actually am


  19. I am permanently excused from jury duty for various reasons and couldn’t be happier. The one time I was called previously, they didn’t want me because I worked for a law enforcement agency.

    Also, too, we don’t have those bikes around here. But we do have bait bikes that are snagging people right and left.

    Love Eds’ picture.


  20. LOTD: I am not the IT department or a life coach.

    And a close second or 2LOTD: Also, why’d you leave, ass lips?

    Enjoy your regularly scheduled work day and your nonscheduled snack and pee breaks!


  21. I’m glad the Facebook group is secret, helps calm my paranoia on social media.

    I’m am so going to pull the age opt out of jury duty card next time I get a summons.


  22. I’m glad you’re off that jury and back to your regularly scheduled life. Also, you are always wearing THE CUTEST SHOES. Steely Dan might be aerating your clothing on a regular basis, but at least your shoes are fine!
    P.S. I enjoy the secret FB page as a private place to vent if needed. We have a great group!


  23. The only time I am glad to have my numerous medical issues is when my primary doctor writes me a letter to get me out of jury duty. My body systems would not cooperate with those rules now. I am glad you are done with that. I am also glad you vet well for the Facebook group. It’s great to have a safe place to be as bitchy and filthy as I like.


  24. Great post Coot.
    You are doing a great job with the Edz. He looks so happy.

    Murder She Texted starring June Gardens as as Jessica Fletcher. hahahaha
    My grandfather loved Murder She Wrote. He would sit in his recliner watching it and say “That Jessica Fletcher is one fine filly. I wouldn’t want to poke her though cause people are always dying around her. You would go to give her a whirl and you’d die then she would end up solving what kilt you. What kilt you would be her. Look at her ride that bike.” Gee thanks for the mental image Granddad. This is the same grandfather whose 3rd wife told me that she hated going to hotels with him because she never got to see anything but the ceiling of the room because all he wanted to do was screw. They were in their late 80s. Octogenarian sex yeah that’s one that will get your day going.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There is a place in Florida called The Villages for active senior living and the STD rates are through the roof there. I get tickled thinking about that – it’s one swinging housing area.


  25. Silence of the Lambs was my first date movie with my husband, and I’ve seen it about a million times since. The quotes never get old.

    I’m one of those scammy profile types on FB, so I can’t join the group 😦

    Glad you were excused from jury duty; I’ve never been called, and I hope the trend continues.


  26. Beth, who is not a weirdo person you have to worry about...I may be weird , but naught to worry about says:

    Maybe work has missed you and will give you a tremendous raise in pay because you are SO worth more.


  27. Since I am Blocked of Facebook, unless I get the info here or in a sub, I will happily remain Confused of Not-Blog. If you can’t tell who you want, what you want, then this stops being fun.
    Bikes – Up until my Dickensian Life got worse, I lived in Reading & we had those. In Bristol they had the scheme, but the bikes got nicked or dumped in the canal. Those pesky yokels. I’ve not used them specifically because they are known as Boris Bikes, after Boris Johnstone & he offends & scares me. It would be like getting on a clowncycle called Pennywise.


  28. I recently got called for Federal Grand Jury Duty and had to call every Friday for the month of April 2016. It’s hard trying to figure out a schedule when you don’t know if you’ll be at work for the next week until Friday at 4:00 p.m. Anyway, I called every Friday and every Friday I was off the hook until the very last week. Then I had to schlep downtown to do my service. Once I was there they ended up not calling me. But I held on to my “get of of jury duty free” card anyway and got to use it last week when I called to the same Federal Grand Jury court again. I’ve never even been called to municipal court and now to Federal court twice? Who has my name????


  29. It is kind of stressful to know that you are happy to get back to work to get away from all the stress. Happens to me all the time!


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