June has danced into the danger zone, when the dancer becomes the dance.

I know you wish I’d refer to this more often, but oh my god, I’m Ashley Wilkes right now, returning from war. I’ve limped in, all tattered and worn out and possibly lousy. At least I don’t have that anemic Melanie hanging on me. There’s that.

Do you think when Ashley was off at war he had any in-the-trenches-what-choice-do-we-have gay sex? Not that Ashley needed that big of a push. Not that Ashley couldn’t have been enticed by a Hey, it’s Thursday and we’re in the conservatory scenario.

I realize Ashley is a cartoon character or whatever and this mulling is for naught.

The point is, I’ve been allegedly fixing my slow computer since SATURDAY. HOURS I’ve spent–HOURS–allegedly fixing this computer, talking to one guy at Apple Care and then talking to another guy who talks shit about the first guy, like when you go to a different hairdresser. “Well, I don’t quite know what Ryan was getting at when he told you to hooooo dee bhooo doo your heee deee bleee blleeee, cause what’d I’d do is….”

FIVE DAYS I spent, and just now I came in here, all PLEASE god, I’m not a praying man, but PLEASE god, just let my computer be FUNCTIONING, at least,

[I’ve referred to three movies already today]

and of course the screen was all: You have to do all this before you can even THINK about using your computer, and Apple Care said once I could actually sign in, to play with apps to see if the computer was moving at an actual rapid pace and not crawling like a computer in 1989, but what I did instead was stampede for my not blog because it’s been a hundred days since we’ve talked and you all think I’m dead.

IMG_0180.JPGThey told me to play with my photos, so here. I slapped up the first one, and hey, clear. Hey, Claritin clear. It’s like my nerd mug shot.

What’d they get you for?

Dewey Decimal.

So the computer’s been broken, and I had to buy a back-it-up thing, which made me think of when Carrie Bradshaw’s computer crashed and everyone asked, “Didn’t you back it up?” and she was all, “WHY WAS THIS NEVER A THING TILL NOW?” and that’s just how I felt. Apple Care was appalled that I never backed up and I said, WHY DON’T YOU TELL ME TO.

So I went to sexy Office Despot or whatever, asked for if they had any pink backup things, got the “old lady be crazy” look that I get more and more often from those young


who all work at stores now, backed up my goddamn computer and that was my weekend.

Then also too, Alf has been here 45 days in a row to fix the wall I ruined by thinking I’d just benignly remove the hallway wallpaper, only to reveal the passage to hell.


IMG_9992.JPGI’d take an after shot to show you, but that would require unplugging the phone, going in there and photographing, plugging the phone back in, blah blah blah now it’s 3 p.m.

I feel like maybe all those hours didn’t do much to improve my computer’s speed. This thing is exactly six years old. I remember buying it at the Apple Store and it was so exciting. Here’s the first photo I took on this computer’s camera:

Photo on 9-24-11 at 4.46 PM.jpgThat was kind of fascinating. I just had to scroll backwards through time and look at all the pictures I ever took via my Photo Booth app. This was taken September 24, 2011. And it’s showing the image backwards cause I didn’t know how to fix yet.

Photo on 10-1-11 at 2.39 PM.jpgOctober 1, 2011. Roger. Oh, June. June and your many dead cats. He was SEVEN MONTHS OLD here. That cat was enormous. He coulda kicked SD’s ass.

Photo on 2-20-12 at 2.47 PMFebruary 20, 2012. The gray roots are phenomenal.

Photo on 4-6-12 at 4.43 PMFuck off. Now with accessories! 4/6/12.

Photo on 5-19-13 at 4.46 PM.jpgMay 19, 2013. I’d moved the computer over.

Photo on 1-22-15 at 4.35 PM.jpgJanuary 22, 2015. Year abroad. Why must there always be an animal?

Photo on 1-24-16 at 10.34 PM.jpgJanuary 24, 2016. Back from year abroad.

Photo on 9-5-16 at 8.11 PM #2.jpgSeptember 5, 2016. What the…?

Photo on 12-24-16 at 5.47 PM #2.jpgChristmas Eve, 2016. I have GOT to get Botox again. Look how good that eyebrow arch was.

Photo on 3-18-17 at 7.04 PM #2.jpgMarch of this year. Your vaguely insane pal June, who just looked at 3484838 pictures of herself.

It may have been quicker to just get up and photograph the hall.

Anyway, so that’s what’s new. And old.

Also, this week at work is like to kill me, and I’m trying to prove I can handle it, so I’m continuing to have an Easter Island face on the outside, while screaming and ripping off my skin on the inside, which is trickier than it sounds.

This has resulted in all three nights this week of me coming home, feeding the pets, and flopping uselessly and vaguely migrainously on the couch each night till I can finally go to bed. Which is a rich and rewarding way to spend one’s evening. All of this week’s mail is just still on the kitchen counter.

Last night, I rented–for free because Amazon prime, which reminds me, go buy something on Amazon via my blog would you? Anyway, I rented Flashdance. I haven’t watched that movie in years, but I love it. I laid here motionlessly and watched the woman on Flashdance ride her bike to her welding job, then ride her bike to her dancing job, then go home and work out, then go work out with her friends for fun, then go have sex with her boyfriend, and really she didn’t pay much attention to her pitbull. The point is, I laid here and watched somebody do a whole bunch of things while I did nothing.

Anyway, it’s been good to talk to you and to make you look at me. LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT MEEEEEEE.


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At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

39 thoughts on “June has danced into the danger zone, when the dancer becomes the dance.”

  1. Chiming in very late to say damn that last picture of you is great. I mean it’s all moody and stuff, but you look awesome.


  2. Love the curly hair Joon. I hope this goes thru, just got internet after a week. And apparently the Prez came to my town yesterday and blah de blah I didn’t even know it. So maybe we’ll get gas and ice cream now. Water, schmater. BUT omg how I LOVED Flashdance. That’s all. In fact maybe I should order it on Amazon.


  3. Lu! Sniff sniff. Wasn’t here for Roger, but that made me sad, too.

    My hair seems to be more curly, the older I get. Also more fine and thin. Not good.


  4. Yeah stick straight thin haired person with major curly haired envy here. I remember my mom giving me a perm when I was in fourth grade. Dunno why, didn’t even ask for it. It lasted maybe a week, le sigh. Both daughters inheirited same hair, but they have figured out how to rock it. And good for them! You always look lovely, June.


  5. I was beginning to think you were trapped under something heavy. So glad it was just computer woes.
    That giant eyeball picture is hilarious!
    Lovely post, June!


  6. Nerd mug shot! Roger! He was an awesome cat. Lu was so over you in that photo. The photo made in March is beautiful. You have certainly younged (opposite to aged).


  7. march of this year. welcome back to your not blog. i know this may kill you but i have been looking at the ‘new’ perms. the possibility of having beach curls? yes, please.

    thanks for mentioning me.


  8. I always am amazed when a person (in this case, you) can have so many different looks. I haven’t changed my look since high school. I’m not sure if that is just being lazy or scared of venturing from my comfort zone, or what. But every single picture of you could almost be an entirely different person. I really like the last photo of you. But there is something about the “Fuck off. Now with accessories” that I love.


  9. Well great! I am glad you aren’t dead. I was starting to worry. I love the red lipstick. I should really wear red lipstick because I love it on everybody, but every time I put it on I get dreamy and rush back to my tried and true pinky brown.


  10. I really admire your dark hair! It makes your facial features stand out. You really can tell when you see the June parade!


  11. Which year would you want to re-visit and which year would you tell to fuck off? I love all the pictures, especially Lu, Roger, and Iris. Collectively, I would watch the sitcom with those characters, plkus June, the instigator.


  12. That hair just proves that I’m right to want curly hair. You can wear it straight, beachy waves, curly, whatever. I just have thin hair that only wants to do one thing, or be put in a ponytail. Boring.

    Man, I would have loved to see Roger and Steely together.


  13. I had a little heart-melt for the Roger flashback, and a sniffle for Lu. Why do you always look fabulous? I have such hair envy, such a thing to get thrown into purgatory for, right?
    I believe that when you are hired to be online or phone support, you must take three classes in “how to sound arrogant” so that the person needing help feels duly foolish, like they don’t have enough angst already. Three years ago when we moved and my teenage daughter – switching schools mid high school and oh-my-Lord-the-drama-that-created-in-her-world – had her iPhone go wonky right after we moved. She lost all the photos of her past life in her past high school and she hated the world for days. When the Apple Store ‘genius’ as they call themselves asked her “didn’t you back it up?” I just stood back, I figure she’d throat punch that fool and he would deserve it.


  14. The many shades of June. I really like January 2016. Also, March. Although I can’t tell what shade you are but the curl is great! I’ve been trying to get my wave into a curl and sometimes I get more frizz and look like a maniac. I’m new to the diffuser.


    1. June and I can refer you to the curly girl pages on Facebook and you’ll get sucked into more information about curly hair and products for curly hair than you ever imagined existed.


      1. Way more. Way way way more, till you want to kill yourself with your own hair. Am I a 3C? Am I too much protein? Should I plop longer?



        1. The thing is, I don’t have curly hair. It’s just enough of a wave so that I have to straighten it but not enough to be really curly. Just annoying.


            1. True story: My whole life, hair straight as a pin. (Also baby fine, but stick with me here.) My mother had thick curly hair and always wished I had curly hair. Shortly after my mother died, my hair became curly. Curly as in ringlets, if I let it dry naturally. Of course, having had straight hair for so many years, I have no blessed idea what to do with these curls, so I dry it straight anyway. (Still baby fine and thin, though, MOM, get on that.)


  15. I had to go back a few pages to make sure I hadn’t missed an explanation, but I snort-laughed today when I realized there are two holes in the wall/wallboard/plaster/whatever is on your wall. Two. It’s something I would do. Peel it off and make a giant hole, then be like – maybe the same exact technique will work a whole lot better in THIS spot instead. Hope Alf makes it all better.


  16. I’m so glad we had this time together just to laugh or sing a song…

    Happy to have you back again. I agree that you just get better looking and I need your secret.


  17. OH MY GOD. I actually teared up at the January 22, 2015 with dear sweet Lu. How is it possible to miss a dog I never met?


  18. Sorry for the second post…but I really needed to tell you that you have truly grown more beautiful with time.


  19. Drinking it all in after such a lloonngg time! Laughing at the apron on the door in the 2001 and 2012 photos. June…always prepared for a kitchen emergency.


    1. NEVER laugh at the apron on a door. Rumor has it, someone lost a testicle over doing exactly that.


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