Swiss Miss

This makes Faithful Reader Paula quite tense, as opposed to her normally laid-back personality, but I have to hurry today, as I have an 8:20 appointment to get my stitches out from my grueling mole removal. June. Enticing readers with her medical procedures, since 2006.

The results came back fine, by the way, as I knew they would, and now I hope I don’t have some sort of pirate scar on m’chin as a result.

When I was a kid, it was snowing out, and hey, snowing in Michigan! What?! You never hear of that.

Anyway, it was probably, you know, April, and we’d had a huge storm. I was just a little kid and my father–oh, god, this is why I’m attracted to it–suggested it’d be fun to WALK to the grocery store for hot chocolate. In sub-zero weather.

“That way, we’ll feel like we really deserve it when we have our hot chocolate,” he said.

Being four, I fell for this idea, so off we went, in the dark of night, after a snow storm, and you’ll be stunned to hear I slipped on the ice and fell face-first.

“You’re okay,” said my father, as I CRIED HYSTERICALLY AS ONE WOULD WHEN YOU HIT YOUR FACE ON ICE. “Buck up.”

I vaguely remember this event, but what I don’t recall is the part where my father said we finally (finally!!) got to the grocery store, where there were actual lights other than the Northern Lights that probably lit the sky, so far north were we, and it was then that my father noticed my blood beard. I’d really been cut badly on that ice.

I don’t just cry hysterically for no reason, man. I had a fucking reason.

My point is, I STILL BEAR A SCAR from that terrible day. And I don’t need another one on my chin.

Please note: This experience did not put me off hot chocolate. I barfed hot chocolate once, as well, on the way to Sea World when I was 12. And yet, I’ve soldiered on. Stayed true to hot chocolate.

I believe in miracles. Where you from. You sexy thing. Guess who sang that? Yep.

Where you from. Michigan. That’s where I’m from. Note m’ice scar.

Would you like to know what I hate? “Are you spending Christmas in Minnesota?” All the time with people thinking it’s Minnesota and not Michigan. This is probably how Ryan Reynolds/Ryan Gossling/Jake Ryan all feel.

Oh, hell. I gotta go. I’m glad we had this important talk, and oh! One more thing.


Which has still not put me off hot chocolate.


Slip of a June

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At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

29 thoughts on “Swiss Miss”

  1. Why did we all fall on our faces when we were kids? Were we top heavy? I have scars on my right jawline, between my eyebrows and at the edge of my hairline on my forehead from falling or running into things and getting stitches as a kid. None ice-related, however. They were I-beam, 2 X 4, and laundry-pole related. I had a thing for long skinny things that I can fall on or run into. I think everyone has at least one facial scar.

    Yay for one more pound down!


  2. I have found ALL the pounds, dammit. And..I’m embarrassed to admit that until the last ten years, I thought the lyric was, “I believe in Malcolm”, really.


  3. Being from Minnesota and residing in Mississippi, I get this a lot. Except it’s Michigan, Missouri, freaking Montana – all the northern, “Yankee,” M-states.


  4. I live in South Carolina, but as a kid, I spent my summers in Indiana. My cousins there were always asking me about North Carolina and telling people I was from North Carolina. They could never remember that I lived in SOUTH Carolina. It drove me nuts.

    Yikes! Face first into the ice — thank goodness you didn’t lose any teeth!


  5. As you may or may not know, my Dad was the morning man on a popular radio station in Traverse City, MI while I was growing up. (WCCW was the radio station.) Anywho, one of the other DJs that worked there introduced that very song and when it went to gold record status, he and the band (Hot Chocolate) were presented with gold records. The party was at our house! It was pretty cool, I must say!

    Congratulations on losing another pound! I am discovering pounds here recently. Ugh.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Well, I just snarfed down a pb&j and now I’m feeling guilty. Congrats on another pound gone. Like dust in the wind.


  7. I have a pirate scar on m’neck not caused by an icy fall, but by a flaming marshmallow that fell off the stinkin’ stick. So much for roasting marshmallows as a safe campfire experience for a young child who liked to catch the marshmallows on fire and then blow out the flames.

    I’m guessing marshmallow vodka would have been a safer alternative. Ha.


  8. Well. You know MINNESOTA is where it’s AT. Such a “destination” state. I can see why people think you are here.
    I am so glad you survived your more removal, and getting the stitches out! And if you lose any more pounds we won’t be able to see you if you turn sideways.

    Lovely post, lovely June!


  9. I feel like your attraction to Ned is somehow tied to that hot chocolate walk: Someone important to you wanted to walk instead of a drive (Let’s walk!) and as a result you were left broken and bloody…


  10. In case anyone is worried sick, I survived the mole removal. I’M ALIVE. Bad news? I have to keep the goddamn band-aid on for another goddamned week.


  11. “Making people less productive at work, since 2006” does not show up on my phone, so I have just seen that little heading. Not only at work, but at home…

    Great report on the mole! I love your childhood stories. I’m like the other faithful reader, I’ve found all your lost pounds.


  12. I was feeling a bit blue this morning, but your post made me laugh and now I feel much better! Thanks!


  13. Of course I listened to the entire song as I boogied around the room, cause he was singing to me and I didn’t want to be rude. HA
    Congrats on the pound, I found it.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. So I tried to listen to that song because I like it. But what, pray tell, was the little message I got in the center of the veedeo saying “Lyrics Don’t Match. Sorry!” I’m sorry you broke your face, four-year-old June.


  15. Someone in Hawaii asked a friend of mine if Ohio was “like, east of Chicago?” Well, yes, yes it is.


  16. Whyyyyyyyyy. Why do you have to stress me out first thing? Whyyyyy?

    Harrison Ford has an interesting scar on his chin. I wonder if his father made him walk through snow and ice, uphill both ways, with no boots on, for hot chocolate. OH and is there a difference between “hot chocolate” and “cocoa?” Inquiring minds, etc.

    Lovely post, Blood Beard.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It was amazing how often I got that from people in Illinois, ONE STATE OVER. On occasion they’d change it up and confuse us with Ohio.


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