June blogs, like it’s a thing.

Yesterday was ridiculously chilly, and I barely wanted to reach outside to get the mail or to throw out the dog bed SD peed on, and now today it's warm and windy and quite lovely. Also, I've become my grandmother. Hello, weather updates on the Grammy. Later I'll tell you how it's been "pouring the rain."

It's been a hard weekend, and I feel the need to defend poor Steely Dan, who's never once screwed up with his litterbox till now. He came right out into the living room last night and got on the dog bed and looked at me. "Why, he looks like he's a-peein'," I thought to myself, because I only speak to myself in O Susanna voice. I got the banjo off m'knee once I saw he actually had peed, and when I did a quick perusal of all THREE litterboxes, they were in bad shape.

So right then I knew. Steely Dan is a picky litterbox user. He would be one of those people who if there were only Port-a-Johns at the concert, he'd hold it. Or use the dog bed.

Steeelee need it just so, mom

On Friday, I was excited to come home and watch Once is Not Enough, based on the stellar and cerebral novel by Jacqueline Susanne. I didn't even know I knew that was a thing, till I said it at work–it just flew out my mouth. "What's Once Is Not Enough?" asked my boss's boss, former, the one who gave me the eagle calendar last year like it was a thing.


Incidentally, my boss's boss, fmr., informed me that his new soybean datebook is here. So not ONLY does he own eagle calendars like they're a thing, he also carries around soybean datebooks like they're a thing. "A thing" is very big with me today. "So, if that's a 2017 soybean calendar, it's really about soybean futures," I said, then changed my Facebook status to In a Relationship with June Gardens.

Getting back to Once Is Not Enough, because mentioning it once is…not enough. "I don't even know. I think it was a book by Jacqueline Susanne," I said, Google fucking it. Sure enough, it was a book and a 1975 movie starring Kirk Douglas, Brenda Vaccaro, and several actors you saw a million times on Fantasy Island but can't name. Oh my god I couldn't wait to get home and crank up that motherfucker.


So I got me a rotisserie chicken from the grocery store and had myself an evening. Then Saturday I was depressed all day and never left the house.

You know, I like being alone. I like my alone time a lot. But I think maybe the weekend following the weekend you decided, once again–because once is not enough–to end it with someone, and that ending was…ugly, that maybe sitting around your house all day is not really what you'd call productive. Or wise.

I did get my 2016 in review video done for this blog, because once I rested on my laurels

after my 10-year video, I realized, Oh crap. I have to do a 2016 one, too.

"You don't, you know, HAVE to," said annoying Fay, like she has any idea. You know what one is enough of? Fay. I realize that made zero sense. I've been isolating. I'm like Tom Hanks in Castaway. You're basically a volleyball to me now.

And hey, maybe you're going to ask me, "Was Once Is Not Enough good, June?" and I don't even know how you can stand there with your white round face and leather stitching and ask me such a thing. It had a 1975 LESBIAN SCENE. Lesbians in their 50s! Get with it, Wilson.


Anyway, this pretty much sums up Saturday. I did eventually shower, but I never left the house, and mostly sat around feeling sad. It sucks that someone can treat you badly and you still feel sad they're gone. I was furious all week, furious, and didn't feel bad at all. Then yesterday I did.

The good news for Steely Dan is that I was home to throw his mousie for him 800 times.

IMG_4114 IMG_4111 IMG_4118 IMG_4109
IMG_4133 IMG_4119
He and Edsel are best best friends and I don't know how Lily feels about her close bond with Edsel being usurped. I'll let them work out the dynamics.

Iris doesn't give a shit.

Anyway, the good news is I have plans to get together with Marty Martin today, and I must go to the grocery store, because here are the contents of my refrigerator:

Salad dressing

So at least I have those two things to do, and maybe my pall will lift. Or perhaps I'll get into smoking Pall Malls. Or maybe I'll go to the mall. The world is full of mystery. You never know.

I did write a Purple Clover this week; it'll be up there at some point today, if you're interested. It's about Christmas. My favorite.

I'll talk to you tomorrow, when I hope I have a more sparkling mood to report.

Published by


At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.