June’s going to kiss you. She won’t even wait.

I'm trying to think of anything of note that happened to me this weekend after The Hair Incident of Saturday, but mostly I had migraines on and off.

TAAA-DAAAA! Thanks, June. Thank god I'm here today. Took time out to visit yer ass.


Yesterday was finally a nice day, after 46 days and nights of rain, so Edsel and I took a long walk, and then practiced our non-expressions.


Then we practiced our "stuffed and mounted" look.

It really was an excellent day yesterday. The kind of fall day where it's still warm, but not remotely oppressive, and you think, "Do I need a coat?" because it's breezy, but then you don't. I had to get some work done yesterday, which sucked because who wants to think of work on a Sunday. Even God doesn't. Even God's all, screw that. I'm restin'. Sittin' on the sofa on a Sunday afternoon. Goin' to the candidate's debate.

But I also went to a very bad movie. It was called The Last Film Festival and even though Jacqueline Bissett is on it with her hoots, it was not worth it. Her hoots are still fabulous. Girlfriend must've had 'em lifted or whatever. They were divine.

The movie was not.

Also, I have to sneak my own popcorn into the movie now, as I am not allowed to eat movie popcorn on my migraine diet. Except the thing is, my popcorn that I make with Parmesan cheese and nutritional yeast is 48 times better than that block of salt they sell at the movies. Shoulda been doing that all along.

I remember one of my very first conversations with Ned was about what we eat at the movies, and he was big into his ice (he likes that choppy ice, what's it called? Where it's like little slivers that you can't avoid? I hate that kind of ice). Re popcorn, we were both strongly non-butter people.

But even without that disgusting butter, eating movie popcorn is like after you've made out with Lot's Wife.

How much have you missed my Lot's Wife humor?

I remember having this conversation with him and being excited that he was rich enough to get snacks at the movies. Marvin used to discourage me from snacks. "Why do we need popcorn?"

We're divorced now.

Did I ever tell you about when we went to the movies in LA, and the ticket taker greeted us from behind the counter? She was seated. "Oh, don't get up," Marvin said, really snotty-like.

We walked over there and she tore our tickets from our wheelchair.

You know that feeling where your blood turns to ice?

Anyway, in summation. BYOP is better than BYOP. Bring Your Own Popcorn/Buy Your Own Popcorn. Down with BYOP. Yeah, you know me.

In the meantime, I'm trying to find ways to keep the World's Most Rambunctious Kitten amused. He is the cat version of Lottie. I can't have a sedate pet. No one mention Stanley, a thing I regret EVERY DAY. Anyway, he likes bird and squirrel videos, SDSilverman does. He acts just how you WANT a cat to react to them. All my other cats have been bored and look around at everything else when I get these videos out. Not Steely Dan.


Also, no one wants to play with that spitty ball, Edsel. No one.

I'd better go. Did you watch the ridiculous presidential debate last night? When did we all stop being grownups?

Dignifiedly, in her smoking jacket and ascot,


P.S. After I'm done writing these posts, I always go over to my categories and pick some that apply. It just occurred to me that it's the same as hashtagging. God, I'm annoying.

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At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

39 thoughts on “June’s going to kiss you. She won’t even wait.”

  1. Late to the party because I’m all work-y now. That and being a grandmother in a few days. All the cool grandma names were taken so I made up one of my own. Bebe. Prounounced beeeebeeee.
    Anyway. I hate debates and the c word. Pus…well that word just sounds degrading. Yes. I’m old. See above comment


  2. Are you teasing? I can’t picture it coming from Ned. I will say twat or even c**t before p***y. Hoo ha. I feel kike I need to rewatch The Vagina Monologues to see what the brilliant Eve Ensler said about that.


  3. Gosh, that’s a great point about those shows — when we became voyeurs to other people’s pain (I don’t watch them) and when people allowed their pain to be exploited for complicated reasons I can’t fathom. 😦


  4. Adorable photos. Was that Edsel’s maiden voyage in the new car? We had to evacuate for Matthew and my beautiful new car reeks of dog. I wouldn’t trade them for the world but it turns out a total of 9 hours in two days is too much for the interior.
    Lovely post, June.


  5. The minute Jerry Springer or the first of his ilk was allowed on the airwaves…THAT was the beginning. This “debate” was unwatchable for me, just like the aforementioned trash tv. Sorry, just my humble O.


  6. I hate the two P words – the one Joon hates and the one that is the medical description for a man’s dinger. I know, I’m an adult, but I just can’t with the P word. Much to my family’s dismay.


  7. The first picture of Eds cracks me up! It’s like a promo for driving Miss Daisy.
    I love how the cats are all splayed out on the couch in the spitty ball photo. Edsel is quite the photogenic gent.
    Lovely post, Joob!


  8. I am sorry to hear that you were headache-y this weekend. Bummer! I hope you feel better now.
    I love that you have videos for SDS, I would want to watch HIM watch the video!
    Lovely post, lovely June!


  9. I have never used the word, and really never minded the word until my teen-aged daughter was offended. So, then I thought about it and yes. I am now offended as well. But I can take it.
    But Cooter…that is a good word.


  10. I missed the weekend post and just read it. Still laughing over “she blew me straight”! Yes, yes I am 8 years old. I don’t giggle over pussy though. Not much.


  11. I think I really like Steely Dan… lol
    Your lipstick looks great June! You always look great though and of course… the hair… could not look bad! 🙂


  12. I also hate that word. Ned knew this and tried to throw it into as many conversations as he could. His favorite thing to say was, “Oh, fuck that guy. Fuck him right in the pussy.”


  13. My husband asked what “this hastag thing” was about last night. I explained what twitter and instagram are (I’m not on them) and then I said some people put them on their blogs and they are like hastags but aren’t really. What are the chances?
    I am so totally sick of the word pussy right now. I never liked it to begin with, I prefer ANY other euphemism really. Dirty old men I was related to talked like that too and this whole thing is like a bad flashback. Not all men do though, I knew gentleman who would never.
    Your hair looks AMAZINGLY gorgeous, June. Blonde curls, so jelly. That lipstick looks good on you too!


  14. It’s June. Blog tagging like it’s 2004.
    My husband can totally afford the movie snacks, but can’t get his own cheap self to buy them so he pretends like he never gets snacky while at a movie. He tries to mooch off me when I sneak treats in my purse and I’m all “oooooohhh! Hungry are we?” When he gets really desperate he’ll send me to get popcorn and drinks and then complain three days later about how much money I spent on snacks. Then I stab him. The end.
    You’re so pretty June! Pretty like Jacqueline Bissett’s tatas. Oh! We saw Girl on a Train – ok movie, but gee with the sex already! Yikes. I’m not a prude by any means (this is where I say sownthing prudish) but did I really need to see pussy at 2:00 in the afternoon? Enough pussy for one weekend, thank you very much! SDS excluded, of course.


  15. Once, years ago, we were stuck in LA traffic and a car cut us off just as Husband reached the very last dregs of his patience. At his first opportunity he whipped around the offending car and gave the driver an impressively dirty look.
    It was a nun. A terrified, little old nun.
    He drove the rest of the trip in a very docile manner. Now whenever he gets steamed at other drivers, I say, “Maybe it’s a nun.” He really appreciates that, even after 25 years. I’m helpful that way.


  16. I really love SDS & his antics. Kitten crazies are much more fun remotely though. Peri has finally grown out of most of her crazies at 2.
    Ares, the very happy & wound up Husky, likes to howl along with wolf videos (& my husband).


  17. Peri LOVES Cat Fishing on the iPad. She’s even gotten the other cats to play because she likes it so much. When the game is over, she knows to tap the screen again to start over.


  18. My Cloud (the Steely Dan doppelganger) is at work with me today. I loaded the Cat Fishing game on my iPad for her to play with. Yes they make apps for cats.


  19. Our cat Max loves the videos too. The other cat just goes out and gets her own birds, lizards, mice, no time for TV.. She[s getting a bit creaky now and slowing down. On Saturday in our yard there was a lizard who still had its’ tail, haven’t seen that in years!


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