June describes her Thursday. Read on!

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do anywon ever tell mom that she boring as chit?

I had so many things to do yesterday. Do you know what I enjoy? Anyone telling me what's on their "plate." I'll tell ya what you can do with that plate.

First of all, they moved my desk yesterday, and I don't mean emotionally. I was in this private little corner, by the accounting people, who come in and leave exactly on time and have five screens with numbers on them and never fool around. Being in a room full of the "creatives" must delight them. You should see the rest of us, with our ping-pong and our bouncing the ideas off each other. But they were quiet, the numbers people, and I really–call me crazy–need to work in quiet. I grew very fond of my numbers neighbors.

Now I'm back in Times Square with the rest of the "creatives." We're all moving around to make way for more departments to come join us and be "creative." Do you wish I'd add more air quotes today?

So a lot of my day involved packing, which by now I'm an Army wife. This is my ninth move at work, in five years. I try not to get too attached to one spot, like how you try not to love barn kittens. "Where's the spotted one?" "Cow sat on 'im."

My stepfather is from a farm.

The other part of my day involved people being astonished I'd moved to a new desk. "THERE you are! All the way over here, now, eh?"

My new neighbor is Amelia, who I didn't just come up with via a random name generator or anything. She and I are part of the three o'clock walking group, and also she is often up for happy hour. I already know I like Amelia, who will not chat your ear off or anything, so yay.

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Also, someone brought their dog in for a minute, and do you know what charms me? Calm little dogs. You always expect them to be all, HI! hi hi hi hi hi! I love you, oh how I love youuuuu, knights in white satin. You know, like Edsel. But when a little dog is mellow, it's cute as shit. Behold Gaby, who I fell in love with deeply. LOOK AT HER EARSES! Also, when you see her from behind, it's like they took one dog and stuck a different white head on it. She's all gray in the back, party in the back, and white in the front.

Gaby wanted to know why I'm at a different desk.

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Also, I had lunch with my Uncle Bill. He's in town for work, so I had him meet me here at my house so I could let poor Talu out first, then sadly we went to Panera. I wanted to take him somewhere local and fun, but there wasn't time. I never go to Panera, and let me tell you.

Panera

is

delicious.

Who knew? I eschew chains, other than, you know, Hardees. Now I am a new Panera fan. It was a big day. My Uncle Bill liked Panera all along. Also, just now realizing I have an Uncle Bill. And I went out with a Mr. French twice. Maybe later today I'll buffy my nails.

Then I had a dentist appointment. Read on for more! I had to get my permanent crown, and we all know I deserve a crown. If I were Kate Middleton, I'd be wearing that bitch every day. A charity event? Sure. Lemme get m'crown. Land mines? Crown!

I know I've told you before about the hygienist who chatters like a magpie. When I got to the office, she was the only one there. "Didn't you get the text? They had a funeral and they moved your appointment to 2:30," she told me, and I should really read my texts. "Want some cheesecake?" Being early at the dentist. It isn't all bad.

"I'm sort of upset today," she told me. "I worked on this woman, and she went on Facebook and called me 'The chattiest hygienist in North Carolina.' She listed all the things I talked about that day; I think she forgot she was Facebook friends with the doctor."

Now was my time. God was wanting me to tell her. Facebook was wanting me to tell her. The dental world was wanting me to–

"I mean, maybe it's a wakeup call but when I have patients you'd think they'd like to chat I mean all you're doing is sitting there and what else is there to do so I talk to them a little I mean she was talking too and…"

I kept trying to open my mouth to say something profound, but the more she chatted, the more I realized God had already tried to tell her and it had fallen on deaf ears. Ears that had gone deaf from hearing her own self chat. I did feel bad for her, as she is a nice person. But a nice chatty-ass person.

Right after work I had my hairdresser, whom I like, and she did my roots and cut my locks if you catch her in the back seat trying to pick her locks you better send her back to mother in a cardboard box. See? My BRAIN is chatty. What's with chatty, anyway? Why do people do it? I try to be aware of when I'm talking too much, reel it back in. I do this because of my grandmother, whom I've told you about before. She'd get up early, for example, and read all the paper. Then you'd get up and pick up a section and she'd start TELLING YOU WHAT WAS IN THERE.

"Oh, there's a good article in there about the new bridge."

"Really? Oh, I'll look at that right–"

"They say they can't get funding. They say it'll be like that another year. And the MAYOR said…"

Oh my god. LET ME READ IT.

When I'd go visit her, I'd time how long she was silent between stories. The longest I ever got was like 17 seconds. Even hear tea was Constant Comment.

But see what I'm doing? I'm telling you a story I know I've already told you. So now I'm Grammy. Yay, god. Thanks.

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Do you like what the hairdresser did? Does it look natural? IMG_7907
Here it really is–she blew it straight. Hey yoooo. I gotta stop playing with that makeup app. Every once in awhile in this life comes an app you get obsessed with. The sound effects one obsessed me for a long time. Now the makeup one has me hooked.

I guess that sums up my Thursday. I got home after 8:00, because that's how long my hair takes. Then I drank a bottle of Evian because it's 1978, and I went to bed. I just went on my Fitbit page to see how long I slept so I could tell you, because riveting, and there were Ned's stats. Ned was extremely active for .68 hours yesterday. Naturally now I'm obsessed. What was he doing? Who was he being extremely active with? How long is .68 hours?

I Fitbit unfriended Ned.

Talk to you tomorrow.

Your strong black woman friend,

June

Published by

June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

44 thoughts on “June describes her Thursday. Read on!”

  1. My sister and I had Chatty Babys. I can still remember many of her phrases and the exact way they sounded. My sister’s doll’s talker became defective and she started sounding all scary and possessed. I still have my doll somewhere, wonder if she still works after 50 years?
    Bye-bye, bye-bye! Cookie all gone! Aheeeheeheeheehee!

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  2. I have had some dental emergencies lately that have resulted in 18 appointments in the last 6 months! After two I started putting audiobooks on my phone. Now I start the appointment by putting my earbuds in and saying “if you need me to do something just pull the earbud out and tell me.” Then I go away to some better place in my mind for a while.

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  3. I used to have a chatty dental hygienist, and I can handle chatty people, but this woman used to stop working so she could impart whatever fascinating (not) story she had to share, and it always drove me batty. Because who wants to be at the dentist one moment longer than necessary? If you can’t WORK while you’re BABBLING, then you need to shut your face.

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  4. Sadie, I am duly impressed you remembered my little sister threw my beloved Julia barbie doll down a hole in the wall. Good memory! And it’s funny because when I read what Linda wrote, I flashbacked to my poor pitiful crying 8 year old self.

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  5. Oh my god, you have Adele hair! “Hello, it’s me.”
    This is a funny post, June! I laughed so hard when you said they didn’t move your desk emotionally. Now when you are at your new desk, you can sing to everyone in the office “Helllllo from the otherrrr siiiiiiide!”

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  6. I always try to stay ahead of the chatsters by immediately saying that I have a headache, or I didn’t get much sleep. Then I ask them to forgive me if they wouldn’t mind if we just did hair/teeth/massage etc in silence. The old “it’s me, not you” seems to work well.
    Can we do one more ask June? Especially since you are the make up app goddess? I have a friend in her 50’s who is pretty. She has beautiful straight blond hair and from the back looks quite young. But then she turns around and she wears this harsh, coal black streak of eyeliner on her lower lids that just doesn’t look good. Do you think I should hint around to her about not wearing it or maybe do something to soften it, or should I just be quiet? Black is too dark for her skin/face and that liner makes her look older, but is it really any of my concern? We aren’t that close. I await your professional guidance.

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  7. Gaby is so cute!
    My puppy does that HI! HI! HI! thing every time someone comes over. I like it, but it’s a bit much for guests.
    Uncle Bill is handsome! God, I love Panera. Had it for dinner night before last.
    I also love that Pink Floyd song you referenced. RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN…

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  8. I think I’ve said this before (forgive me, I’m old), but my hairdresser doesn’t shut up from the moment I walk in till she’s finished with my hair. She has actually walked out the door with me still talking. Several times.

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  9. That poor spotted kitty!
    I have a non-chatty hairdresser, which I love. I can sit there getting my head massaged in peace. But I do hear all the other hairdressers chatting up their clients and then I start to wonder, is it me? Am I too boring to chat with?
    That app make everyone look like they have cyborg eyes.

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  10. I’m married to a chatty person, so I can appreciate every single word you had to say about your grandmother and how she told you all about the article in the newspaper while you are trying to read it yourself and then going on to another subject way before I have had time to even think about the first subject, so my household is constantly a world in information. And, I would would have problems concentrating in an unquiet area at work. I hated working in cubicles for that reason, you could hear every conversation going on around you and having problems staying focused, it was a nightmare for me trying to work. We didn’t have earbuds back then or I would have had a pair or computers on which I could have had some white noise.

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  11. I have 2(!) Chatty Cathys looking at me right now, ones my mom saved from my childhood, plus all the clothes she made her. I have two because my sister got mad at me and threw my first one across the room and broke her. She is still rubber-banded together. I was devastated because I was one of those “Nobody loves me except my Chatty Cathy” girls and my mother had to scrape together the money (we were not rich) to replace her. Neither of them say “Let’s have a tea party!” anymore but I still get gooey looking at them.
    My husband comes home from the dentist with all these conversations he had with the hygienist and I have no idea how he does it. As soon as her hands are in my mouth, conversation stops until she is done. And I appreciate the quiet. I know they keep client notes on file that they review the morning before appointments and I’ll bet mine says “No small talk” on it.
    I love that little doggie. Those ears. One of my dogs was a Cairn Terrier/Poodle mix and he had those ears.
    Lovely post, June. It’s a good thing I don’t work with you because I’d be irritating you with the trite statements too. Sorry you’re back in the middle of things again at the office. Good luck.

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  12. This post was one laugh out loud after another.
    I think .68 hours is just over 30 minutes. Does that answer your questions?

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  13. Oh Kit, I loved, loved, loved my Chatty Cathy!!! I remember the Christmas I got her. Sadly, I did wear out her “talker” at some point, but it seems that I’ve taken that on now myself.
    Also, June, your hair is great!

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  14. lots going on yesterday. but i am stuck thinking about the desk move. recently i had a job interview and their “my job” department has an open floor concept. thank the Lord they did not offer me the job. i love my office.
    anyway. i took my fitbit off somewhere, maybe my bathroom, and haven’t put it back on.
    have a fab weekend june.
    can i come visit?

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  15. That little dog is adorable. It looks like it could be a Yorkie/Papillion mix. Do you know what it actually is? Your new dark blue-black hair looks great with what you have on. Love that picture of Lily.

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  16. Chatty PJ made me laugh. June, in my humble opinion, blue hair is too harsh on you so when you are old and gray, use a pink rinse rather than a blue one.
    This post had it all, cute pet pictures, Uncle Bill, Mr. French and Buffy, Chatty Cathy, beautiful hair, your makeup app and, best of all, your new crown. You, Miss June Gardens, have been crowned Queen for a Day…permanently.

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  17. Oh how I wanted a chatty Cathy doll when I was a child! Thank goodness I never got one.
    But I totally agree on the chatty-annoying thing. You just want to chill out and there someone is, talking your head off! I hear ya!
    I always wonder why people have to sing when they are shopping in the thrift stores? I’m always shopping thrift, and it is very hard for me to concentrate on my choices when every other person is singing to the Jesus songs on the loudspeaker.
    It absolutely goes all over me.
    Have any of you noticed this before? Does it get on your nerves too?
    Have a great weekend.

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  18. I may be chatty. I do try not to be, so maybe people don’t realize that I am chatty, I hope I am not too chatty. Should I try and put the word chatty into every sentence today?
    Excellent post, chatty June!

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  19. I “knew” you were getting your permanent crown on yesterday because of how long it has been since you had your temporary crown put on (who was that? Miss World or somebody who had the temporary crown?) and not because I’m stalkerish or because I consulted my Big Book of June Facts but because I have so many crowns that my body instinctively knows the time span between and temporary and a permanent and because I need one repaired I need to make an appointment this week and haven’t and it’s Friday already I’m sort of super aware of crown time.
    I almost asked a question yesterday about how in the name of all that is holy you could go to the dentist with a migraine. Not that the dentist had a migraine, you know. But if someone asked me that question I would burst into tears and nobody wants to make June cry.
    I have a chatty hairdresser and have wondered how many permanent rods it would take to shut her up. Maybe just two. I would put them up her nose and she’d have to mouth breathe and shut up.

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  20. I “knew” you were getting your permanent crown on yesterday because of how long it has been since you had your temporary crown put on (who was that? Miss World or somebody who had the temporary crown?) and not because I’m stalkerish or because I consulted my Big Book of June Facts but because I have so many crowns that my body instinctively knows the time span between and temporary and a permanent and because I need one repaired I need to make an appointment this week and haven’t and it’s Friday already I’m sort of super aware of crown time.
    I almost asked a question yesterday about how in the name of all that is holy you could go to the dentist with a migraine. Not that the dentist had a migraine, you know. But if someone asked me that question I would burst into tears and nobody wants to make June cry.
    I have a chatty hairdresser and have wondered how many permanent rods it would take to shut her up. Maybe just two. I would put them up her nose and she’d have to mouth breathe and shut up.

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  21. I “knew” you were getting your permanent crown on yesterday because of how long it has been since you had your temporary crown put on (who was that? Miss World or somebody who had the temporary crown?) and not because I’m stalkerish or because I consulted my Big Book of June Facts but because I have so many crowns that my body instinctively knows the time span between and temporary and a permanent and because I need one repaired I need to make an appointment this week and haven’t and it’s Friday already I’m sort of super aware of crown time.
    I almost asked a question yesterday about how in the name of all that is holy you could go to the dentist with a migraine. Not that the dentist had a migraine, you know. But if someone asked me that question I would burst into tears and nobody wants to make June cry.
    I have a chatty hairdresser and have wondered how many permanent rods it would take to shut her up. Maybe just two. I would put them up her nose and she’d have to mouth breathe and shut up.

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  22. I hate the non-rhetorical rhetorical intros to the small talk. “All the way over here, now, eh?” Stare. Blink blink. Possibly stab.
    Lovely post, June.

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