A Tale of Two CHIties. Really, it’s just a tale of one, but “A Tale of One CHIties” didn’t make sense. As opposed to that clear-as-a-bell “Tale of Two CHIties.”

Okay, so, I bought the CHI. I bought it at lunchtime today, because I am impetuous that way, and I actually don't really know what "impetuous" means. Does it mean impulsive? Cause I just could have said that, then.

So, my possibly impetuous self bought the CHI, then I returned to work and asked my boss if there was anything in the employee manual about being allowed to go home for the day when one has purchased something they really, really, wanna go home and play with. Have I mentioned how not funny my boss finds me?

At break time, I told everyone who'd listen about my CHI, how I couldn't wait to get home and touch my hair. Someone said, "But don't you have family visiting?" and I don't know why everyone has to remember all my personal details.

Cause, yeah, my stepsister and her husband are visiting. Her husband is Marvin's best friend. They met through Marvin and me at Thanksgiving 900 years ago. Here they are, visiting today.


Don't think I didn't give them a bunch of crap about wearing matching outfits. Cause who are they, John and Yoko? Shields and Yarnell? I don't think Shields and Yarnell wore matching outfits. I kind of just wanted to say Shields and Yarnell.

So, I pointed out to said coworker, who is really way too up in my life and have I mentioned she and I are going out for cake this weekend? Why so chubby? I'm making CAKE dates. Anyway, I said to her, "What could be more fun for the whole family than watching me straighten my hair?"

And that's what we did. I made my long-suffering stepsister photograph me in action.

Melondog   Bigmelon

Here is my hair before I straightened it. It was about 140 degrees out and 204% humidity. In fact, it rained today. Looking at my follicles, one doesn't need to say any of this, does one?

And don't even ask what I'm doing with the melons. I mean, do you really want to know? Do you wonder why family members don't visit me more often?


Here's my CHI. WOOO!


Darn it! I was so gonna hire the toddler across the street to straighten my hair for me. What's with that dull child and his apostrophe eyeballs?


Okay. The hair is wet. I'm certain my stepsister was looking for any reason whatsoever to get back to her hotel at this point.


Aaaaand scene. Okay. I look like Edgar Winter. Why didn't it make me all smooth? What gives? Also, who needs to get those roots done? Did it snow on my head?

So, yeah. Advice please. What'd I do wrong? Do tell. Do I need product? I put serum in beforehand.

Speaking of doo, Francis seems to be on the mend. In case anyone was worried they had to switch teams.

Team Edgar Winter!

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At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.