A stupid evening

Marvin and I just took the dog for a walk. I did not want to go. I am tired. I just got home. Plus also I had my review today at work and I got myself all worked up that it was gonna be terrible and my boss was gonna say, "Gather your stuff and get out" or even come at me with one of those big sheep hooks they use to pull people offstage, and in fact that is not what happened at all. She was quite complimentary and again called my proofreading "top notch." This is the second "top-notch" I have received and I enjoy my notch being at or near the top.

So there it was. It went well, but I am emotionally drained.

This did not stop Marvin, however. "Come for a walk with us. Come on. Tallulah wants you to go on our walk."

Of course, all Tallulah knows is that the word "walk" is being bandied about and as soon as you say that word her pupils become great pools of hope and she starts grinning like a possum eating shit off a hairbrush.

So I went on the ding-dang walk. I do not want my dog to end up calling Dr. Laura because I am too drained to stroll with her.

The first thing is that it was raining. RAINING. I tried to hold the umbrella over Tallulah like she is Puff Daddy or Pee Diddy or Peedoodeleedoodeeoh or whatever he now calls himself and I am the umbrella handler. But it became apparent that she did not care if she got wet, and I really did. So I went back to just umbrella-ing my own self.

Rainhair But you know I got rain hair.

Also, Marvin is not so good at making Tallulah heel, a thing she is not top-notch at. She is really more bottom notch, if you want the truth.

Also also, I could TELL she had to poop, and Marvin just kept yanking her along. "She has to poop," I told him. Several times. "Honey, really, slow down," I said. "I can tell when her butt is thinking of pooping."

I really can. She does this flexy thing that maybe you do not wish to know about.

I took her leash and slowed down. Her butt seriously considered pooping. "Why doesn't her butt think of pooping on OUR lawn?" asked Marvin, who can never just let me or Lula's butt be. "Come on, we're two houses from our lawn."

Of course, because we rushed her, her butt reconsidered.

And now we are home and I have rain hair and Tallulah is at the back door, because her butt has now made up its mind.

So far this evening is not at a notch I appreciate.

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At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

18 thoughts on “A stupid evening”

  1. Performance appraisal time always stressed me out! I’m glad that’s over, we don’t get those in retirement. So glad you got a top notch rating!


  2. I love your hair. I wish I had hair like that, but between the rain and the fleas and the mange it kinda looks patchy.Boy, if only I had a good home.


  3. How did the shit get on the hairbrush?
    Oh, wait. Maybe I should post that as an Ask June question.
    But no, there’s no button to click on for that. Yet, you sure did learn how to make a button when you needed to hound us for votes, didn’t you? Hmmmph.
    Last time I voted you were in first place, guess I’d better get over there and vote again if you’re in third!


  4. June Gardens, I still love your hair, although I believe that you do hate it! It looks kinda sexy to me in a very heterosexual way (on my part), of course. I just think it looks cute on you!
    Listen up, June fans. I’ve emailed the Blog Luxe folks about the double nomination for June. I asked them to PLEASE remove the second button with 40 or so votes and asked them to PLEASE add those votes to her original nomination button. (I said it looked very unfair to me to leave both those buttons up!) Here’s the email address…
    Maybe if enough of us do this, they’ll get the message and fix this! June is SO close. Please email/vote/and vote/email!


  5. Methinks the Ayatollah is tabulating those votes. It’s time for the Twittering (Tweeting?) masses to take to the streets and demand a recount.
    Just don’t demand a whole new election. I’m getting tired of this sh*t.


  6. You know, I actually like how you look with rain hair but I was born w/ Muppet hair (read: stick straight, no volume) so it’s a subjective grass greener proposition. Course, my lawn is all clover since I made the landscapers swear off weed killers, but still.
    I voted for you again – clicked the 2nd instance of your nomination. You did know you were nominated twice, right?


  7. Our late lab mix, Otto-the-Dog, always got poop butt “right before.” I know that bulge.
    I also vote for Cesar Millan, but just for Marvin. I love your hair . . . maybe because it looks like mine when I’m someplace humid . . . does it go all flat in dry climes? Like in winter? And then get all static-y and awful? Especially when it is cold and you really MUST wear a hat?


  8. Hey June,
    Did you know you were nominated twice? And that you should write a book?
    Anyway, the whole dog butt thing is true. Both Sadie and Koty get a funny gait when they’re ready to do the deed!
    Oh, and did you know you were nominated twice?
    Just thought you’d like to know.


  9. You should write a book! Seriously, write one! I would buy it and highlight all the funny parts for my friends. And the butt thing would totally be highlighted. I was laughing out loud when I read this!
    Lou Cinda 🙂


  10. Man, I totally know what you mean with the terribly day thing. Certain days are just out to GET you! Like last week there was a day where it was supposed to rain so i hid inside even though it was sunny. Then decided i was being stupid so I washed some laundry and hung it outside, and I swear to you, it was gorgeous, not a cloud in the sky. Then I went inside to answer the phone, and five minutes later there is A Noise Outside. Well, that noise was my daughter’s ball-pool (you know, a kiddie pool full of balls, because my husband’s too anal for a sandbox) is flying away, and hundreds of little plastic balls are flying through the neighbourhood. Next thing you know, I’m yanking the laundry inside cos it’s raining, and I’m chasing these stupid little balls all over the neighbourhood in the pouring rain because they are ding-dang expensive (sand, btw, is cheap, and sandboxes are not known to fly away in windy weather. Just thought that was worth noting.)
    And I swear to you – I SWEAR IT. The MOMENT I went back inside. THE MOMENT. The clouds vanished and the sun came out.
    Yes, there are definitely days that are out to get you.


  11. I have a rescued bichon who definitely has that butt thing, so I know JUST what you’re talking about!


  12. “Rain hair.” Heh.
    Ok, nothing against YOU because YOU ARE the funniest blogger (and I am a faithful voter), but what imbecile, or committee thereof, is running that ding dang voting site? Are they allowing new nominees right up until the last day?
    Plus also too additionally besides, have they never heard of something as outre as ALPHABETICAL order? Or at the very least, keeping everyone in the same spot? What’s with the daily treasure hunt?
    Yes. I AM A CRANKYPANTS today.


  13. Seriously? A possum (an oppossum?) eating shit off a hairbrush?
    1) Why?
    2) I can totally picture that, which is disturbing


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