Topamaxed Out

I got my hair cut and colored at a new place today and I would show you but we let it air dry and it isn't quite dry yet so when I took a photo it looked whippoorwill-y and that is not how I want to represent my new hair to you. It's too bad I couldn't have run on more with that sentence.

But speaking of my personal appearance, remember Topamax? The lovely drug I have been taking for my migraines? You know how it made me all thin, but also kind of stupid? I went to the doctor to see about renewing my prescriptions and it went like this.

"So, how's the Topamax going, June?"

[Silence from me, because there was a shiny object out the window.]

"June? Is the Topamax working on your headaches? Any side effects?"

[After I realized the shiny object was a car bumper, I turned to look at the doctor and started picking nits out of his hair.]

"Um, June, have you noticed any trouble with your cognitive functioning with the Topamax?"

"My name is June Gardens. People call me June Gardens," I said.

Anyway, the doctor decided maybe I wasn't so bright on Topamax and maybe I shouldn't be taking it any more, and after the 18 minutes it took for that to sink in (his stethoscope was so SILVER!) I got so mad! I know I am stupid on this drug, but I have lost SO MUCH WEIGHT. It's so lovely to be thin! I don't have that shelf of water on my buttockal region when I emerge from the shower anymore! I no longer look like a marsupial! My size is in the single digits!

Oh, and my migraines have lessened, too. Whatev. The doctor said Topamax isn't the only drug in the world for eliminating migraines, and he just doesn't think this one is agreeing with my IQ. Then he made me take the doorknob out of my mouth.

My mother pointed out that I could maintain this weight by eating sensibly, to which I reply, "?" Eating sensibly. Where does she come up with the cockamamie ideas?

And I'd just like to add that all sorts of people in my real life said, "Oh, I am so glad to hear you are going off that thing. You just haven't been yourself." It's kind of like when you break up with someone and THEN you hear no one liked the guy. No one could have told me I was a numskull?

All Marvin said was, "Are you gonna get fat?" That Casanova.

I will sign off with the awarding of the Special of the Week, which goes to Grace for her comment about Henry's neutering. It's kind of a topical discussion, given the whole Jon and Kate thing swirling around. I have never even seen that show and I know that man is henpecked. So, go click on Special of the Week at right to see Grace's pithicism.

Anyway, my headachy, fat self will be back at you soon, so congratulations on that.

Published by

June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

18 thoughts on “Topamaxed Out”

  1. They’ll have to pry my Topamax out of my cold, dead hands! I take 200mg a day and I’ve gotten more than a little ditzy and stupid and shiny things, I like ’em!
    But, I’m able to better control my headaches now, and the weight loss…I’m smaller now than when I graduated from high school!

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  2. I have one word for you…Zomig. I was on Topamax and it made my liver functions do funny things. My life has changed 100% for the better since finding this. I used Imitrex, which worked, but made my heart beat really fast initially. I cannot believe that after all these years I finally have a med that works! Hang in there.

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  3. “Eating sensibly. Where does she come up with the cockamamie ideas?” That was my favorite part of this post, until the Furry Godmother’s comment. And then there’s the Awkward photo with the 3 cats. Your peeps are FUNNY.
    And apparently I need a life.

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  4. That Marvin, he is a keeper. Because? That sentence didn’t end with “again.” In which case, you would have been justified in killing him and using the Topamax defense.

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  5. I think I might trade thin for smarts. Really, how much does this brain of mine help me out anyway? I’d much rather spend the hours in my life admiring my non-existent ass instead of trying to squeeze cellulite into a bathing suit. Topamax, come to mama.

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  6. Girl. If you’re writing this on the Topomax, it has done nothing to your IQ. Hilarious.
    On the other hand, I’m sure your doctor knows what he’s talking bout. But if I found a med that allows me to keep my clothing in the single digits, I’d have a hard time giving it up.

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  7. Dear Deanna,
    I started at 25 mg as well, but my migraines didn’t get helped until 50 mg. The “I’m stupid” thing seemed to happen after two weeks or so, as I recall. Now, it lifted with the 25 mg, but when I got to 50 mg, the stupidity remained.
    As for weight loss, I was kind of lucky because I was on Weight Watchers at the time, so I was weighing myself every week. I lost a pound a week starting about three weeks into taking this stuff. All in all, I think I lost 12-15 pounds.
    Of course, everyone reacts differently to drugs. But have you tried to drink carbonated beverages yet? The weird taste started for me on day one.

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  8. Oh sure, you get a divorce from Topamax NOW, just when I actually have a significant question to ask you about it! My doctor has just put me on it for my migraines and I was wondering at what dosage did you start to feel a little like a seagull? You know, a seagull who is attracted to and distracted by shiny objects? Yes, my doctor has a sense of humour. He warned me that an “attack of the stupids” would be coming my way, but that it may help my migraines. I am on 25mg a day and notice absolutely no side effects at all. I am also noticing no let up on my migraines at all either. Also, at what dosage did you notice your weight loss begin? I have not noticed any of that either, I am eating as if I am heading into hibernation. Thank you for allowing me to ask this question while I still have all my wits about me.

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  9. Err… I just realised I should probably point out that it’s the taking-portrait-with-three-cats bit which reminds me of you both, not the specially coiffed hair and slightly unnerving Lurch-like man.

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  10. GRITS = Girls raised in the South. I didn’t come up with this great acronym (is that what acronym means?). But I think it suits us just fine! Bless our hearts !

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  11. Um,I’ll send you my address if you will send me your left over topomax. I’m not trying to get it because I want to be thin, nope that’s not it at all. It’s just that I’ve been having these horrible headaches, no really right here in my temporal region just above the shelve of fat, um I mean my cheeks.

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  12. YOU’RE DIVORCING TOPOMAX? I HAD JUST FINISHED MONOGRAMING A PILL COZY FOR YOUR ANNIVERSARY AND NOW THIS? You’re so selfish, June. Why do you want to go and be all brainy anyway? AS IF being thin wasn’t enough for you…
    Um, now that it’s over, do you mind if I start seeing him?

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  13. I was on Topomax a few years ago for a short period of time & had a ton of side effects–weight loss was not among them. When my Dr. thought I might have MS and instead figured out it was the Topomax, I stopped taking it. You should be weaned off the drug over a period of a few weeks(maybe it depends on your dosage?). I still have frequent, disabling migraines & haven’t found anything that really works. I hope you find something that works for you & please share the info. Good luck!

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  14. Sooooooooooooooooooooooo….what actually did the DR. put you on now?I know you dont want to hear this…but, I was actually getting concerned with your addiction to Mr. Topomax…..but, perhaps the new “guy” will support your “better living thru chemistry”..
    I feel a migraine coming myself. Hope you recover quickly.

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  15. Wu-yi tea. You like tea right? I lost 20 pounds without even noticing, and I think it’s just from drinking this tea every day. I certainly didn’t stop eating…I suppose I eat a little better than I did while I was finishing at Otis and not sleeping and only eating fast food late at night…but really, it’s the tea I think.

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  16. Whoo! You better keep Marvin locked in the house with his romantic talk. Jeez oh Pete, I’m feeling it all the way here in Illinois. GROWL!
    I’m sorry you had to break it off with Topomax. To tell you the truth, I never thought he was good enough for you anyway.

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