Bug June with your queries

Ask June is just joshing you with her title. She likes your Ask June Questions. You know what she was thinking? She was thinking maybe you could ask some personal-woe types of questions. Do you have any relationship issues, money concerns, or work troubles you wish you share with the world? Go ahead, Ask June.

Perhaps you are wondering, "Why on earth should I take my woes to Ask June? In what possible way is she qualified to deal with my troubles?" I'll tell you how. My stepfather is a psychiatrist. If that doesn't make me qualified.

Before we begin, let's add a photo for visual stimulation. I am way too lazy to get the camera, because if you must know, Ask June episodes take a long time.You have to go back to old Ask Junes and physically GET the questions, you have to link to the questioner's name, you have to copy and paste the questions, then you have to think of a pithy answer. Trust me, you don't want to be Ask June. I mean, I know you don't, in so many ways.

Okay, I will go into my already existing photos here on my desktop and let's pick picture number…27. Okay? Whatever that is, we'll plunk it here so we are visually stimulated.


Wow. This is from last summer, at my mother's place in northern Michigan. Look how chubbeldy I am. I wonder what we put our books down to discuss. Maybe I wondered where I could get pizza. "Hey, mom, do you enjoy my cankles?" "Yes, honey, and I wish to punch you should you decide to get any fatter."

Really, mom doesn't have a closed fist so much as maybe she has a "guess what I have in my hand" kind of a look going on. And I'll bet I hope it's food! Okay, not my fault I hadn't discovered Topamax yet.

Let's stop chewing the fat and get to Ask Slim June, okay?

Cyndi asks, "I am curious about why you use a pseudonym here on the blog. Have you had problems with stalkers in the past, or perhaps you're in the witness protection program?"

I know this is kind of a dumb question, but are there really people in the witness protection program? People always use that line, but there must be people who are really in it, right? If I were in the witness protection program, would the government, like, pay to fix my nose and would I get to wear a silky-haired wig? Because maybe I want to turn somebody in right now.

Cyndi, when I first started blogging, my husband insisted we use fake names, or to use your fancy, college-educated term, pseudonyms. I thought it seemed a little paranoid, but the reason I started blogging was because we went all of 2007 without spending any money, so I was hyper aware of my bank account, and a few months into blogging someone took money out of my account and my first thought was, "Is it someone who is reading my blog who knows we are saving oodles of cash?"

And really, wouldn't you just WANT to steal from someone who thinks words like "oodles"? I eventually decided it was just coincidence, but I'm now kind of glad we're anonymous. Well, as anonymous as two people can be who put their photographs on the Internet every single day.

Hyphen Mama wonders, "Have you ever had an 11 year old cat who has lost half their body weight in 3 weeks and has horrible diarrhea ALL OVER THE PLACE? My enormous fat cat is shrinking before my eyes and the vet cannot find the cause after her blood work came back perfect. Thanks, cat lady."

When I went to link to Hyphen Mama's blog, the first thing I saw was her reference to her dying cat. Which again makes me think perhaps I should have some sort of Ask June Emergency button, if I knew how to create buttons on my blog. Does anyone know how to create buttons? If you use one single computer-y word, like "Mac," you will have lost me.

At any rate, Hyphen Mama, I am terribly sorry about your cat and no, I have never had that particular trouble. I have had a cat who suddenly started falling apart for no reason they could discern, and it is so frustrating.

Jan wrestles with, "Would it be wrong, morally, to sneak into a yard of a house that is foreclosed on your street, under the cover of darkness and pilfer all of the perennials? I think I know the legal answer. But really. Not that I'm considering it. Not that there are 10 hostas and several BEAUTIFUL dark purple dwarf irises that aren't being cared for just sitting down there beckoning to me, uh, I mean someone. Really? Does the bank really care about those neglected plants? That want a place in my, uh, I mean someone's yard????"

Jan, it would be morally wrong, but who am I to judge? Go rescue those poor plants.

Ask June has to make herself scarce now, as she must get up early to go to Asheville with her spouse. Asheville, which her grandmother used to pronounce Aysheville, is sort of the hippie town of North Carolina. It is the Berkley of North Carolina. It is the Ann Arbor of North Carolina. It is the Madison, Wisconsin of North Carolina. Okay, I am out of hippie towns to compare it to.

I hope y'all have a wonderful weekend and that no birds drop any snakes on you.

Remember to Ask June here.

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At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

17 thoughts on “Bug June with your queries”

  1. I lived in Asheville for 15 years before moving to Atlanta three years ago. I miss the mountains every day. Lots of good places to eat too!


  2. Asheville is a very nice place, hippies and all. Biltmore House is beautiful and a nice dessert on the veranda of the Grove Park Inn is not bad either.


  3. The king of the hippy towns: Portland, Oregon. Hello!
    You really need a “Click here to Ask June” button in your sidebar. Because? Now that I know your stepfather was a psychiatrist, I am ready to bare my soul for your insight.


  4. The witness protection program is the real deal. I can’t share details but trust me, it exists.


  5. Actually, I had a friend several years ago who did not use her real last name, and I’m talking about in real life. I didn’t find out until a few years after knowing her that the name we called her was not her given name. She had been in trouble with the law years before, and I think she knew information about drug dealers or something. I don’t know that she was in a witness protection program, but I do know she changed her name for safety reasons.


  6. Asheville is also the home of the gigantic Biltmore estate. I enjoyed the tour, the food, the wine, and cookbook I bought there.
    Hyphen Mama, I have a 14 year old cat who has gone from 12 lbs to 8 lbs in a year. We are doing all the blood work, x-rays, etc to see what we can find. So far everything is clean. Which is good, but doesn’t answer any questions. I wish you and your kitty well.
    Jan, are you going to put these liberated hostas in your own front yard? Won’t other neighbors catch on? If you put them in the back, you will have to be selective about who you invite to the backyard cookouts from now on. I, myself, am not good at subterfuge. Especially since menopause is kicking my memory’s ass.


  7. Jan, coming from a full-time gardening person – GO GET THE PLANTS!!!
    Plants need love and attention, too!
    I promise none of us here will tell on you!


  8. Hyphen Mama My cat just went through the same thing.It was hepatic lipidosis.Take her to another vet and have more labs done on her.Not labrador retreivers,the other labs.


  9. Oh Joanna… but the plants… they will die from neglect. They have souls too. I think… OH!!!! I covet my old neighbor’s hostas.
    I have 3,756 comments for your posts over the past two days but my little 8 month old REALLY does not appreciate when I am on the computer. And when he is napping I know I better get busy doing house/yard work. I know if I sit down at the computer I’ll never get anything done.


  10. If someone left their cat or dog in the backyard of a forclosed on house you would be morally obligated to rescue it. Plants need water. I’m just sayin.


  11. I have to respond to Hyphen Mama’s question. My cat just went through this and it turned out to be intestinal lymphoma. Her blood work was fine as well and the only way it was determined was by ultrasound. It was horrible and painful to watch (the dying, not the ultrasound). I’m so sorry I don’t have good news for you, but I wish you and your kitty well.


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