Home is where I wanna be, but I guess I’m already there

I'm back. I'm better than ever. I went to Michigan. Saw things that irked me.


No. Really. They're UNIFORMS. How can they be unique? The point of a UNIFORM is to LOOK LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. Because it's a UNIFORM.

But otherwise it was a fine time. I saw the fam…


Okay, seriously? I know how y'all are. If I just put this photo up, you'll all write in and say, "Who are the people in this picture?" I know you will. So okay. In the back, from the left, is my stepfather Harry, the one who always warns my mother it's April Fool's Day and who also makes me listen to Prairie Home Companion when it's on, which is about as cruel of a thing as you can do to me. Wouldn't it be dreadful if I gave you this much background on each person in the picture? Wouldn't you just want to find me and kick my arse all the way to Tibet?

All right. To Harry's right is Marvin's uncle, who always does our taxes. In the front row from the left is squinty Marvin, then his aunt whose name is identical to mine so if you know my real name and Google me you'll find a ton of stuff about her, then my mother is holding the flowers, and finally the bat-mitzvah girl is on the right. And I hope she won't get mad at whoever called her the old-bat mitzvah girl in the comments, cause that was freaking hilarious.

Also in attendance for this shindig were my nieces, who came in from Chicago. They belong to Marvin's sister, Faithful Reader Sis-in-Law.

BeThis one is incredibly athletic and is not afraid of the soccer ball. I know this because I asked her, "Aren't you afraid when the soccer ball comes hurling at your head?" and she said no, but right there you can see what a good mother I'd be, not planting my own fears into my kid or anything.


This particular niece is a professional muffin. Look how cute. And muffin-y. She must have driven the car from Chicago, seeing as she has the key, there.


And I do not know why I only have half a shot of my oldest niece with her dad. I was in the hospital the night she was born, although she had the nerve to arrive at like 5 a.m. or something so to tell you the truth I was totally in REM when it happened and Marvin had to wake me up. Anyway, she is brilliant, my niece. They are all really good kids.

The bat mitzvah was lovely, and I had to participate by opening the ark, and if you don't know what that is, neither did I. I figured it out when I got there, though, and managed to not screw it up, so that was a plus.

Oh! But listen to this! I bought a new jacket for this event, and when I put it on I realized they'd NEGLECTED TO REMOVE THE SHOPLIFTING TAG from the dang thing.


Believe it or not, Marvin got the thing off. That's because he's a professional shoplifter.

Afterward, I did go with my stepfather to my hometown and see my Uncle Jim. He was worn out from his treatments, but I'm glad I got to see him. All his coworkers (he's a cop) made a big poster of themselves for him, and they're all holding coffee cups, because my uncle loves him the coffee. He has it hanging up in his room. It seems like the whole town is rallying for him–everyone is willing to help out. It's a little like Ferris Bueller's Day Off, really, so popular is Uncle Jim.

My stepfather and I shot back to town just in time to get to the big evening party (but not before catching the first half-hour of the Prairie Home Companion that I like so much! Wooo!).


Here's Marvin's mom, all decked out for the party. She has good clothes. I don't know why I photographed everyone at the steps. I promise you Marvin's family does not live in a studio apartment or anything.

So, we got there and there were a couple people there who read my blog. One woman pulled Marvin aside while I was standing there and said, "I keep telling your wife she needs to write a book. I love her blog."

"I have told her the same thing," Marvin said.

"I mean, your wife has a voice, you know?" she said.

"Yes. I know that all too well," Marvin said, "I hear it often."

Whatever with Marvin. And I don't know how to write a book. I don't know why people think I could write a book just because I write a blog telling you the stupid details of my life.

Anyway, I am glad to be home. Tallulah is still at the day care, because they are closed now, so it's just us and the cats. The cats are splitting a bottle of champagne and having a ticker-tape parade, they are so pleased. I think they think we dumped Lula off in a field or something.

Oh! I forgot to throw in this picture of me from this weekend that Marvin's uncle took. I had a migraine. Big surprise.


I can always tell I have a migraine in pictures, but maybe that's because I knew I had one when the picture was being taken, you know what I mean? I hate stupid migraines. And yes, I take Topamax to have fewer, and I do. But I still get three or four a month, and that day was one of them. Fun!

So that was my weekend. I hope yours was fun. I know I have to do Ask June and Comment of the Week. I am always behind on those things now, aren't I? Whatever with me.

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At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

26 thoughts on “Home is where I wanna be, but I guess I’m already there”

  1. I’m surprised you don’t like Prairie Home Companion. It’s one of the few things on public radio I enjoy.
    So glad you got to see your Uncle Jim. Marvin’s Mom is a classie lady. Loved all the photos. Those little girls are so cute!
    I bet the cats hate you when you pick up the d.o.g.


  2. Wait. Why is your Mom and Harry at Marvin’s Aunt’s bat-mitzvah? This is what is keeping me awake at 1:00am.


  3. I’m directionally impaired at the best of times, don’t know my left from right, and when you’re talking about a picture it’s even worse. So are you saying that the man in the white shirt and tie is your stepfather, and the man in the black shirt is Marvin’s uncle?
    PHC is funny, but doesn’t hold a candle to Click and Clack, the Tapit Brothers. That reminds me, I’d better go make that contribution to CO Public Radio, they are such a big part of my life.


  4. Oy. Hormones it is then! Not much you can do about that except call Suzanne Sommers. She’s all hot for personal hormone replacement!
    As for myself, I’ve given up the migraines for hot flashes and forgetting the names of my oldest pets…
    So, there! Something to look forward to!


  5. Junie,
    What is opening the ark? Whassat?
    I’ve been to a bar-mitzvah but never a bat-one.
    Thanks if you have time to respond!


  6. Dear Furry,
    For me it’s not eating or smells. Right now it’s a prime monthly time to get them, plus flying can give me a migraine. My big things are time of the month, NOT eating, and not sleeping. And altitude. Whenever I’d visit my friend in Denver I’d get a migraine.


  7. You can too write a book! Since when did you get into the big vat of modesty? It could ramble along and come to an abrupt stop. A book about nothing! If Seinfeild made a career on a show about nothing… I’m just sayin’.
    Sorry about the migraine. Did you eat something you normally don’t? Smell somebody you shouldn’t? My mother’s are usually triggered by food or perfume.
    And if I ever run into Garrison Keilor, he’s gettin’a bitch slap right on the kisser. Annoying.


  8. I HAD to comment when I read about the jacket! I bought my daughter a BEAUTIFUL blouse from a town 5 hours away while on vacation; not until we got home did we realize the store had neglected to take the tag off. PLEASE share Marvin’s secret tag-removing skills. I’d like my kid to wear her shirt before she outgrows it!


  9. “And I don’t know how to write a book. I don’t know why people think I could write a book just because I write a blog telling you the stupid details of my life.”
    YES! People tell me this, and I’m like WHO would buy such a thing? GRIEF!


  10. Don’t you hate when people think just because you can jot some words down off the top of your head, you ought to be able to right a novel? I’ve tried, and let me tell you they are two very different things. At least you could proof your own book.


  11. Last Fall I bought this super cute, red, winter jacket with a furry hood. Im in So. Cal so of course, I did not need it for all of Sept, Oct, Nov, or most of December. By Christmas it was finally cold enough to wear my jacket to a Christmas party. That is when I noticed the shop lifter tag – but it had been since Sept since the purchase so, no receipt. I thought if I tried to remove it I would make a gaping hole. It was not visible, so I wore it anyway. Just left that white thing there under my hood. Wore it several times. New Years Eve I was on my way to a party and my mother in-law and I had to run into Walgreens to pick up some soda. As we walked in I beeped – alot. (I know, now you are thinking you wished you left it on and went to the Piggly Wiggly or whatever it is you have down there, just to see if you would have beeped going in). My mother-in-law really looked confused by the whole thing. When I got to the party my girlfriend’s took it off for me 🙂


  12. I’m sorry but Prairie Home Companion is actually one of the funnest and funniest NPR radio shows!!! This American Life and Studio 360 rock, but they don’t get me in stitches like the news from Lake Wobegon and the fake ads and good ole G. Keillor.
    I haven’t seen the movie, though. It makes me feel nervous, like it will ruin the radio show for me.


  13. Oh June I had so much fun on our family weekend. I feel as if I were there.
    One of my nasty little secrets is I love Prairie Home Companion. I have listened to it for years.
    June I’m sorry you had a migraine. I have one right now. I just spent the last 9 hours planting 47 bazillionty-eleven plants and I had a ding dong head ache the whole time. I am thinking I might need to ask Dr. Frenchkiss if I can have some Topomax.


  14. Keeping your uncle Jim in my good thoughts. I love the poster idea, very funny. It must be very heartwarming and helpful for your aunt and uncle to have so many people rallying around them during this time.
    It’s great you were able to get up north to participate in the bat mitzvah and to see your family, too.
    Take care!


  15. I know why Junie doesn’t want to write a book. Because the second chapter would be so hard to do! Let alone the rest of them. Would anyone buy a one chapter book? Could you proof read your own book? Would you be able to actually,like, see the boo-boos?
    I have started on a new challenge and am writing a ‘regular’ column in a brand new on-line newspaper. I am finding the second column a real struggle. Thus I am doing what comes naturally, procrastinating and reading blogs.
    Your family pics are great.


  16. I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for the Prairie Home Companion insult. And just to get you back, I’ll point out that Marvin’s uncle is not to Harry’s right in the picture, he is to our right – Harry’s left. I spent a while figuring that out, and I had to stand up and turn around a couple of times to make sure.
    Yes, I am very proud of myself. Why do you ask?
    Garrison Keillor rocks.


  17. so, what’s with the upclose picture of your new jacket and now one showing what the whole thing looks like or how you looked in it?!


  18. Enjoyed seeing all of the pictures and sharing the weekend with you. Otherpapa wants to know where his picture is. Everyone is right about the book writing.


  19. I think my friend Jane is your mom’s doppleganger. If she shares your sense of humor then I don’t just think, I’m sure.


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