I have nothing to do

at work. We are in our down time. Please write in and tell me stories about
embarassing things that happened to you in life.

Published by

June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

18 thoughts on “I have nothing to do”

  1. Oh. And it changed in eight grade because we had a half day of school on the last day before Christmas break and my mom took me and my best friend out to lunch at the Coney Island, y’all know what that is, right? Chili on hot dogs. Yum! So, right after lunch, I thought, “I don’t feel so good” and the bathroom was WAAAAYYY across the restaurant. I was never going to make it, so I went out the front door. I let go of my lunch right on the corner of a busy intersection. The people sitting at the red light were not so pleased, and neither were the people in the restaurant outside of whose window I was vomiting. I will never be allowed to live that down.

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  2. There is a rule in my house – Don’t feed Carrie on the first day of school. That rule changed when I was in eighth grade – Don’t feed Carrie on the first day of school, the first day of Christmas break, on the day anything exciting happens. Because I will puke. Every time. To this day. Because I’m so EXCITED! I am completing my first year of courses to earn my Ph.D. I didn’t eat on the first day.

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  3. As a young teenager, I went on a hayride with a church group to a remote farm. While there, I needed to pee, so I scooted off into the woods, squatted, and proceeded to completely drench my jeans! I wandered back to the bonfire and found a puddle to wallow in while someone prayed. If anyone noticed my wet jeans (in the country-black night) I had an excuse! Unfortunately, there was no excuse for smelling like a urinal for the rest of the evening. Oh, and the cutest boy ever? Sat next to me.

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  4. Interestingly, the two most mortifying (at the time) things that happened to me are some of my most hilarious memories now.
    In high school we had to change for gym and we had to wear very specific clothes. I had just brought a freshly-laundered t-shirt and when I went to change and unfolded the shirt, there, statickly clung to the front, was a pair of my mother’s underwear. I was so horrified I stuck them in my shoes to get them out of sight. I laugh hysterically now.
    Another time in high school was when I, a well-endowed girl, plum forgot a bra. I was walking around wondering why it felt so breezy, then realized and crossed my arms the rest of the day. Again, appalling then but hilarious now.

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  5. I think I told this one to u already – when I was in 4th grade, there was a talent contest and I decided to play the a portable organ (a hillbilly’s musical attempt, I am sure). I started playing a song I thought I had memorized. When the song should have ended, I just kept playing. Hitting the keys to no notes! They actually had to come on the stage to get me to stop & escort me off.

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  6. My most embarrassing moment was when I shamed our nation and violated all that is diplomatically holy while having a meeting in Paris with the Director of their National Mint.
    I was a mere 26 years old and not well versed in diplomatic protocol and proceeded to drink the champagne that was offered to me without waiting for the ritualistic dignified toast to our countries’ mutual good health and relations. I was thirsty, and it was real French champagne, for crying out loud!
    You could have heard the giant sucking sound all the way to Alaska.

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  7. I’ve posted about this before, but we had just moved to Boston and our furniture had not yet arrived. My boys were aged 3 and 1. I took advantage of the free time and decided to go sightseeing. STUPIDLY, I chose the Nathanial Hawthorne House of Seven Gables in Salem.
    Before the tour had even started, my one-year-old pooped in his diaper. The teeny, tiny living room smelled of poo. And just as the tour guide was giving the “Do not take photos, everything in this house is 400 years old and authentic” spiel, my three year old pulled the curtains OFF THE WALL. Yes, the built-in rod that Nathanial probably built himself were torn off by my darling boy. The entire tour had to sit there and watch while the experts debated whether or not they could fix it, and what to do with us. They kicked us off the tour and we fled Salem as though the witch hunters were after us.
    I am still very traumatized by that event. Seriously. It was mortifying.

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  8. I keep checking back for more stories… and everytime I see Emily’s, I laugh out loud.

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  9. No boob stories – they seem to be popular today – but I am teaching sixth graders about the importance of being able to type quickly and efficiently for their state on-line writing assessments and I said, “I know lots of you are peckers (hunt and peck typers), and that’s okay because my husband is a pecker, too.” Didn’t even realize what I had said.

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  10. My boob fell out of the bridesmaid dress I was wearing, and we were sitting at a round table, and my best friend sweetly pointed and guffawed and shouted, “YOUR BOOB!!!”

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  11. One time when I was in high school my mom and I were picking my aunt up at the airport. We were walking through the parking garage after we’d gotten my aunt and her baggage, and the garage had all these cracks in the ground, you know between the slabs of concrete? And they were filled with rubber. Well, my mom likes to wear about 3 inch heels at all times, and she happened to step into one of these cracks and her heel sunk down into the rubber, and she fell over. Both my aunt and I looked over and all we saw were her feet up in the air, and we both burst out laughing (don’t worry, my mom was ok). Well, I laughed so hard that I actually peed in my pants. That has got to be the most embarassing thing in my life.

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  12. Who ever thought that water skiing and bathing suits were a good mix? I went skiing in high school with a friend’s family. I climbed back into the boat after my turn on the water. I was standing there taking off my life jacket and looked down to see that the bottom of my suit was rearranged and half of my woo hoo (there really just isn’t a good word for all that) was hanging out. This was the early ’80s, pre-wax and pre-laser treatment days. Not a pretty site. Her little brother liked it though.

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  13. I was about 22, spending the summer in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. I went water skiing with friends. A man who I did not know kept skiing up near where I was skiing with a big grin on his face. I said something like ” Hi, How are you” and made a few comments about his big grin and lack of speaking back but, I then noticed that the breeze felt a bit uneven on my chest. I looked down and my top had twisted and my right boob was hanging out…ooops.

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  14. I took the Zali Lama to a Licensing Convention in New York several years ago. He kept begging me to take him outside, but I had a live one on the wire and my business overshadowed his. OR SO I THOUGHT. Eventually he exhausts he warning wimpers, strolls into the middle of the aisle and procedes to take “Le Poop”. I scoop him up mid-dukey and hold him over the trash can. Smiling at the important (read: gut laughing) clients, I blushed, “For his next trick, I’ll have him pee in your purse!”
    Ta Da! There are sooooo many others, but you did mention your affection for poop at some point so I thought this story most appropriately inappropriate.

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  15. Last year I was in the break room at lunch and my two bosses were in there. I was wearing a wrap dress waiting for my lunch in the microwave, when I realized my dress just unwrapped. To make matters worse, I instantly yelled, “OH SHIT!”, so anyone in there who hadn’t seen, certainly did then. And my boss turned around and gave me this look like, “Seriously, what is that matter with you?”

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  16. Ok…
    A couple of years ago I was really thin. Shut UP! I was. Anyway I bought a new pair of jeans and a cute top. Problem was these jeans were hip huggers only lower. The top was almost a belly top.
    Shut UP I had just gone through a bitter break-up and I was flaunting my hotness. Gawd I wish you would quit judging me. Oh wait that is me judging me… sorry.
    Anyway we had a luncheon at the construction company I worked at. There were 4 million workers and me the only girl. I was sitting eating my ribs when my future nephew-in-law came over and told me that I either needed to pull down my shirt or pull up my pants because they could see my entire butt. I turned around and looked and there sat all 4 million construction worker guys with their mouths open and their eyes glued to my ass crack. Good thing I had on a pretty thong because otherwise well it would have just been plain embarrassing.

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  17. I HATE. HATE. HATE. leaving you messages because I always have a mistake.
    Every time NOT everytime.
    There are probably more just pretend I’m a third grader.

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  18. The abbreviated version. Southern PROPER (stuffy) church. Winter – Christmas program with three local churches. Dress hiked up in my pantyhose. Took coat off. RED SKIMPY PANTIES. On the second row. My friends were laughing so hard they couldn’t tell me. Nice man came up from a few rows back to let me know that EVERYONE was looking at my underwear.
    Now everytime I wear a dress I have to check ten billion times to make sure it is not stuck in my hose.

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