Call me June-ay


Faithful reader Meme left a comment yesterday about someone she knew whose name was Fabris and he started insisting it was pronounced "Fabree," even though he'd been going around having it pronounced "Fabris" for most of his life.

It reminded me of a story my father told me about one of his friends, named Dale.

And I can digress? I know you're shocked I am going to digress. And I like how I ask, like you have any power to say no, over there. I guess you could just bleep around my paragraphs till you get to one you like, but still.

So, Dale lived in Seattle and I lived in Seattle, and my father said, "You should have dinner with Dale sometimes" so we did. Generally, my father is right about things, like he told me to never get a paper route, and hearing Marvin's paper route stories, I am certain dad was correct.

He also told me to take the sleeper car on my three-day move from Michigan to Seattle by train, which I did not listen to, and he said, "I will PAY for the sleeper car" and I still would not do it, because I was moving out on my own, see, and nothing was keepin' me down. I was strong. I was independent. I was miserable for three days on a train with no sleeper car.

Remind me to tell you that story some day. Aren't there like 80 stories you are supposed to remind me to tell you?

Goodness, this digression is going on forever. Once Barry Gibb was quoted as saying, "For forever" but I still like him. Have y'all heard how Robin Gibb got his housekeeper pregnant? Robin Gibb is married to a druid princess, and he has an open marriage, but apparently not THAT open. The wife is mad.

So, occasionally I would have dinner with my father's friend Dale, and I understand that was like 79 paragraphs ago and you're all, WHO? He was a photographer, too, like my father, and he was really funny. Anyway, my father came to town once and we all went to dinner together. I got to the restaurant last, and Dale had on this bright blue sort of Naugahyde vintage jacket. I said, "It's an interesting jacket. You look like a bowling ball."

Both Dale and my father started laughing, because apparently my father had walked in and said exactly the same thing. Now, why did we both think "bowling ball"? There are lots of things that're bright blue. Really, bowling ball? We are so from Michigan.

So Dale, the photographer, needed an assistant, and now I am done digressing and am finally at the story I was gonna tell. He got a bunch of resumes and called someone named Karen.

"Yes, hello," he said, "Is this Karen?"

"It's Kar-ON," said the person on the other end.

"Oops!" said Dale. "You lost the job!"

And he hung up.

Oh, I love that story. I always wondered what that pretentious twit did once she got hung up on. Kare-ON.

Before I go, and I know you are glad I am going to scatter my thoughts like dead dandelions elsewhere, Marvin just came in to show me his shoe got paint on it from his attic disaster the other day. Guess who I do not feel sorry for?


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At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

22 thoughts on “Call me June-ay”

  1. I think I would like Dale and I know I would NOT like Kar-on.
    I work at a middle school. When I subbed there, I had so much trouble with the goofy names people give their children, complete with goofy spellings. Like the girl named Briney. When calling roll, would you not say “Brine-y” like she lived in Spongebob-ville? But nooo, it is Brinn-aaaay.
    Names like that make me think Mom was still under the influence of some fancy pain-relievers while naming the child.


  2. I have a French friend named Fabrice. People think his name is pronounced Febreeze like the air freshener. AND I kid you not, he has a friend named Glade. Makes me want to change my name to Renuzit just to round out the group.


  3. Does Marvin really want to wear shoes that have “Simple” written on the side?
    What if people think that his mom embroidered his name on them or something? Y’know, so when he goes to camp?


  4. I love that your readers have such A.D.D. People have focused more on the picutre of the shoe and the arm/leg issue than on the actual story. Reminds me of a few weeks back when we were all so enamored with the balls rather than Ruby. We are a funny group who cleary need medication to stay focused.


  5. June-ay,
    You need to write an autobiography that includes all of your funny stories. I would buy it in a second. I want a signed copy though. With one or two bite marks from the dog. But not so many that I can no longer read your funny stories.


  6. My last name gets mispronounced ALL THE TIME, but I let it go. Here it is, for the world to see (at this point my sissy is gritting her teeth over me throwing caution to the wind and putting last name into the world wide web… what can I say, danger is my middle name…) Rande. People always pronounce it “Rand” but it is really “Randy.” I don’t get mad, I did the same thing when I met my husband. Of course, his father’s father changed their italian last name to Rande after my husband’s dad was born. I would rather have people mispronounce Rande than have them try “Notierpippo.”
    So Marvin thinks we have all forgotten about the paint incident. Just because he “forgot” to put away his cute photo and we were all smitten with him??? We were smitten kittens but only for a moment. We have not forgotten.


  7. I wonder if Mr. Fabris will google his name someday and find his story here on your blog! I haven’t seen him in almost 10 years. I wonder if he still insists on being Fabree. One of my roommates years ago had a girlfriend named Sarah. But she insisted on being called Saw Raw. And no, my roommate wasn’t a girl, it was a guy. I wonder sometimes how my family felt about me having like three (strictly platonic) male roommates. Mr. Fabris happened to be the first.
    Was Robin the cute or the skinny gaunt brother?
    Did Marvin get paint on the other sneaker, so they could be a matching pair? And if not, will he purposefully paint the other one? Or is he going to go Michael Jackson on it?


  8. Marvin should go on Dancing with the Stars what with being able to kick his leg so high. And those slender ankles are eviable.


  9. This is totally unrelated, but my Dad went to school with a girl named Shanda. Her last name? Yup. Lear. What horrible parents!
    I went to school with a boy named Harry (Harold) Rattray. And a girl who looked JUST like Miss Piggy whose name was Charlene Runhog. No kidding!


  10. First of all you need to get Marvin on an exercise program. His leg looks like an arm.
    Second of all A BOWLING BALL? I would have said the seat of a 57 Chevy…but hey I’m not from Michigan.
    Third Robin Gibb is still ALIVE?


  11. This isn’t quite the same thing, but what Kim said reminded me: I have a friend named Sozan. And what really bugs her is when people call her “SO-ZAN” or “SO-zen”. Because it’s actually pronounced “Suzanne”. It’s just spelled differently.


  12. I was Super Babysitter in my young teens and was much in demand. Once a sat for some new people.
    When I got to the door, I said: “Hi, I’m Catherine.”
    The mom: “Oh, I thought your name was Catherine.”
    Me: “Yes, it is.”
    The mom: “But you said Catherine.”
    Me: Yeah.
    The mom: This is my daughter Blah, Blah and my son, Talbot.
    Me: Hi Blah,Blah and Talbot.
    Blah Blah: No, it’s Talbot.
    Never sat for them again.
    And to Marvin – never, ever think you’re not going to get paint on yourself. I speak from experience.


  13. What I love most about this story (once you finally got to it!) is that I am assuming that was before the days of caller ID. I can picture Kar-ON sitting there trying to figure out which job she just lost. She was probably thinking about that for weeks. And that makes me laugh!


  14. That reminds me of a news anchor on CNN. Oh look another reference from tv…from me. Imagine that?! If everyone here were to try and imagine a visual of me, it probably would be of someone parked in a recliner holding a remote.
    Ok, back to the story. The news anchor is named Suzanne and pronounces it Suze-ON and everyone address her that way too. I’d love to meet her in person and say “Hi, Suze-AAAAAAAn” just to piss her off.
    Speaking of news anchors and name oddities. There is a woman who fills in for Lou Dobb sometimes. Her name is Kitty Pilgrim. It’s sounds like a cat with the need to travel.
    June, i just love it when you do posts like this. It satiates my inner A.D.D. and reminds me just how many endless, entertaining things you can pluck from that brain of yours.


  15. I friend of mine is a doctor. One day an irrate parent of twins came to the front desk. She had been waiting for hours and said that they never called her child’s name. “What’s the name?” they asked with an appology. “Yam” replied the mother. That’s right. She had named the twins after their father, “William” and they called the boys “Will” and “Liam” LIAM. YAM.
    You can’t make this stuff up.


  16. Bwahaha. You can call me Dan.
    My mom told me about a girl at her school whose name is Le-a. How would you guess you’d pronounce that? Lay-uh? Lee-ay?
    Nope. It’s “Leh-dash-uh”.


  17. I love this story about my friend who’s from Singapore. When he introduced himself to one of our tutors at university the tutor wanted to check he’d heard it right so repeated back what he’d heard with a really exaggerated oriental accent: “ohh, Yukoncahmedan, is that right?” “…no…I said ‘you can call me Dan’…”


  18. My friend works with a Karin. She is as mean as a snake and full of herself. I used to tell my friend to stand back from her a little in case a house falls on her. Since you got your snazzy tights, I just say, “The striped tights are in the mail.”


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