If Winston were a Playboy centerfold, and I understand that many odd things would have to transpire in order for that to happen, in the questionnaire part where he filled out his turn-ons and turnoffs, his turn-on would definitely be caps to water bottles.

(His turnoffs would be our other cat Ruby and being accidentally sprinkled with water from the sink. You should SEE how offended he gets if you get water on him. He is so mellow otherwise, but splash a little water on that creature and he goes huffing out of the room like you questioned his heritage. Geez.)

Before his life was ruined and we got this dog, there were eight million seven hundred and fifty thousand water bottle caps on our floor at all times. He would bat them around, and them carry them in his lips like prey. Which really mimics how big cats in the wild do it, with really enormous wild water bottles.

And oh, he was annoying about it. If you were drinking a bottle of water, he would sit over you like a vulture. "You gonna need that bottle cap? You usin' that bottle cap?" Sometimes he would try biting it off himself.

Once we got Tallulah, though, I didn't throw him the caps, for fear Lula would eat them. Winston would literally put a cap in Lula's ass.

Now the dog is getting bigger and she is listening to me when I say "leave it" and "stay," so I am letting that beleaguered cat have his caps back, as long as I watch him like a hawk the entire time and throw the thing away once he's over it. It's relaxing, is what it is.

This, however,  has brought the obsession back full force to Winston. He had kind of forgotten he liked the caps, and now the sweet nectar of that orb of plastic has returned.

So imagine my delight when I drank a bottle of water and left the DING DANG CAP next to the bed last night.

Winston didn't discover it until 4:52 this morning. I know this because that is when I woke up today, never to return to the land of slumber. I have 49 pages of really text-heavy scientific pages about electrophoresis due today. Do you know how many I have read? One. Do you have any idea what electrophoresis is? Neither do I.

He starts batting the thing around the bedroom, which awakens Tallulah, so she stirs. "Leave it," I muttered. Poor Tallulah left it, but you could tell she didn't want to. It sounded like Winston was practicing for his tap lessons down there. Or his hockey tournament. Oh, he was batting and pouncing and swishing and doing the sideways spider kitty thing. Tallulah started to get up again.

"LEAVE IT!" I said again, wishing I could throw the cat down a mountain. This time Tallulah lay back down, but started talking. She does this thing where she sounds like Chewbaca and the Tasmanian Devil. "Rooooow ooow rrrooowwwr. Ooow rrooow gggrrrrroowww!" said Tallulah.

So that, folks, is why I am going to be a stellar employee today and why I wish I were one of those "I really don't care much for pets" type of people. Maybe I should just adopt teenage pets. You notice Ruby and Francis had nothing to do with this scenario.

Then again, Winston's centerfold brought in a lot of dough.

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At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

25 thoughts on “Capcat”

  1. When the heck is Ask June day, and where the heck is the link? My question is, when you proofread about something like electrowhateveritwas, do you get and retain any knowledge about your subjects, or is it kind of in one eye and out the other as you pay attention to the proofreading stuff and not the subject?
    Will you eventually end up like Rosie in White Men Can’t Jump, a f*ing font of useless knowledge?


  2. Nuggett has taken to knocking over cups of water. He jumps on the table/counter/sink (which he KNOWS is a no-no to begin with) and will sniff the cup. If there is milk or tea or anything other than water, he leaves it alone. Every day I walk into the kitchen to find water streaming down the table, over the countertop,all of the floor, newspaper, whatever is in its path. And I mutter under my breath every time, “I’m gonna cut that cat.” He has fresh water. TWICE A DAY. I fill the bowl in the morning when I get up and again after dinner.
    He also sneezes. A lot. And I find dried cat snot on my walls. Everywhere. Do you have any idea how hard it is to remove dried cat snot from a wall? It’s hard. Really hard. I question every day why I have animals.


  3. I have a cat and I think they need stimulation to make them sane. Same goes for dogs. Who thought having a cat would be easy? (ME.) I’d love some electronic device that would entertain the cat while I’m off doing other things.
    I’m going off to my lab to develop something that automatically starts around 5am…for dogs and cats. Wear them out early, so while we’re at work, they’re sound asleep. : )
    Win. Win!


  4. I have a lovely cat story to share. There was a stray back cat roaming the neighborhood and it got under my trailor(classy,i know)and sprayed or peed under there and everytime the air came on it made the most awful aroma enter my home. It use to dive bomb at the seems of the skirting of other trailors to get under them. My rather zaftig neighbor lady use to feed it and it had big knots on it’s head. It would send my next door neighbor’s persian cat in to a frenzy and it got in fights with other wild animals. It even left dead birds on people porches. Then one day it was gone. I don’t know where it went but, maybe to a place where bad kitties go. Anyways..i am glad it left!


  5. Oh thank God Winston can sleep all day .. he must be tired after all that went on so early. :o)


  6. My cats sympathize with Winston! They had to give up having their toys everywhere when I got a dog, too. Their favorite was also the twisty-ties from bread. Yup twisty-tie hockey on the tile floors was the BEST. Glad your cat is finally getting his old toy back. 🙂
    I stumbled onto your blog when I google searched dog dna tests. (I’m thinking of getting my two mystery-mutts tested someday when I have 7 million dollars to spend. And I think at least one of mine would fail the turkey test too. I’m afraid to try it, but of course I will have to now.) Anyway, I’m enjoying reading your blog. That was basically the whole point of this comment–to say I like your blog. ha


  7. I have a boxer who likes the whole bottle. I one time made the mistake of leaving a brand new case of water on the floor next to the pantry. He mauled every dadgum bottle. Have you ever offered someone a bottle of water and had to say “Don’t mind the ginormous teeth marks. My dog likes water bottles.”


  8. Don’t worry, June, I’m sure by the end of the week you’ll know more than you ever thought you wanted to about electrophoresis.
    When Winston is done with his bottle cap does he drown it in his water bowl? I had a kitty that would do that with his toys. We had lots of little soggy mice around. On second thought, maybe he was making catnip tea.


  9. When Simon (my Siamese) thinks he needs food/water/attention/treats/who the hell knows, he clears off the nearest surface. Suddenly he’s Gregory Hines with the tap tap tap until the pen falls, then tap tap tap : a tissue box, tap tap tap : a book, whatever, is all on the floor. I half expect to see him on his hind feet shoving the lamp to the edge of the table with his front paws. Then he’s all smug (and cross-eyed) because now a human has to get up and do his bidding. “Dumb” animals my Aunt Fanny!


  10. Applying an electrical differential in order to separate molecules (proteins, DNA) on the basis of size/charge.
    (Fingers crossed for comment of the week, yo!)


  11. My pets are my meter by which I measure whether a person is worthy of being a friend or not. If my pets don’t like someone or worse, if a person comes here and doesn’t like having a cold, wet nose stuffed right up there (you know where), well they may not fit in around here!
    My cats are very happy with bread twistees to play with. The twistees are much quieter than the bottle caps. However, they manage to get stuck under the refrigerator more easily than a bottle cap would.


  12. I am completely on the wished I didn’t like animal bandwagon today. Sirpoopsalot is driving me crazy. Of course, The Old Man is as lovely as ever which is why I still love pets.


  13. Umm…um…I know what electrophoresis is. I’m a frustrated scientist who just wants to be an editor. But I’ll settle for proofreader. Trade jobs with me?


  14. yay for Winston! I need your advice… I brought home a new kitty yesterday (from the shelter!) and Chloe is having a fit!!! She’s 14 and he may be about a year old. Going to get neutered today, fun. She’s quite spoiled and I’m concerned I’m going to stress her out in her old lady days. She had a brother when I adopted them, but I had to put him down 4 years ago due to cancer. How long do you think I should give these two to get along? I was so stressed last night as he scratched at the door of “his” room and she growled & hissed all night. aaarrggghhh! Thanks!


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