Wake June, then Ask Her


Ask June is sleepy, so she did not even select her Ask June questions using the random pickerizer that she usually uses, rather Ask June just picked the first five unanswered questions that popped up.

And this is an actual, unretouched photo from this morning. I know you are enjoying how the bedspread matches the sheets, and how the carpet matches the drapes. And I'm sure Tallulah is pleased that you are all seeing her morning ears.

 Arlene queries, What is your favorite way to fix that all-American favorite, rutabaga?

When I was little, my mother used to clean my ears with Q-Tips, and this is the second time this week I have mentioned Q-Tips. I would lie on her lap, and I guess to keep me from panicking, she would pretend that she was digging in a vegetable garden. "I see carrots in there!" she would exclaim. "There's a radish!" For some reason, whenever she found a rutabaga I would fall into peals of hysterical laughter, which I also did any time someone said "Spiro Agnew" or "hips."

You're not really supposed to clean your ears with Q-Tips, did you know that? They told me that at the ear doctor last year.

But, now, Arlene, have you met me? First of all, when is the last time I described eating a vegetable? So far today I have had a strawberry Pop-Tart, a chili cheese Frito wrap from Sonic, and a mocha latte. Does the Frito count as a vegetable? I wouldn't recognize a rutabaga if it came out my ear.

Jan asks, What peculiar sayings do you have, where you purposely say something wrong or use wrong words (besides Kermis)?

For those of you just tuning in, and if you did, why? Save yourselves! Turn back! I do say "Kermis" because that's how I misspelled "Christmas" when I was a kid. I also say "What doing?" because my friend's kid used to say it and I am certain she is totally over it by now but I'm not. Really, it's all you need to say. What doing? You don't need all the other pesky words in there.

I have mentioned before that I say "big-bone-ded" because in my family we made fun of someone who said "big boned" wrong and now I have done it for so many years that I can't say it right, and I also say, "Peoples is funny, Jim" because someone once said that to my Uncle Jim and we similarly made fun of that person.

Really, if you are not related to us, we spend a lot of time mocking you once you leave.

Jan also asks, Why Delilah? No, really…Why Delilah don't you live closer to me so we could be buddies?

One time, Jan and her sister were at Panera and the guy at the counter shouted out, "June!" and they both craned their necks looking for me, even though I (a) don't live in their state and (b) am not really named June.

I do feel like I would be friends in real life with so many of you. I feel like I am friends in blog life with so many of you. Sometimes you guys are the brightest spot in my otherwise miserable day. Blogging. It's the quilting bee of the 2000s.

Frost & Oddrey says, A vegetarian? I guess going out for a burger next time you're in town is out of the question.

Frost & Oddrey is an old friend of mine from high school, and the last person I ever threw up with. The year was 1982, the place was the side of his car, the substance was pink Andre champagne.

And Frost & Oddrey, also known as Kim, I am a bad vegetarian. I try. But please see my diet from today, wherein I ate the chili cheese Frito wrap from Sonic. It is Sonic and its siren song of chili cheese that does me in every time. Hate self. Hate chili-cheese-ridden self.

Erin D. inquires, What do you want for Christmas?

Okay, giggling that I didn't pick this question until now. And didn't I already kind of have this question? Nevertheless, I did once make Marvin an "I'll always like the following" kind of perpetual Christmas list so that he'd never be stuck wondering what I'd like. It had things on it like really good stationery (you know, like from Crane. With my initial on it or something. Is it sad that "from Crane" is as high as I shoot?), a Kate Spade bag, a Burberry anything, real perfume (which would now no longer apply, as I am allergic to everything and besides, I own Joy now so what more could I ask for?) and things like that.

Do you think Marvin has ever gotten me one thing from that list? Do you think he probably used that list to pick up after Tallulah on one of her walks? So do I.

That said, I usually do not care that much what I get for Christmas. People think I am way into gifts and I'm not. I mean, if I get something I like, it's exciting, but if I get something I don't like, I still appreciate the gesture. Plus, if it's pink and it sparkles? I will like it.

Thank you for joining me for another chilling week of Ask June.

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At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

18 thoughts on “Wake June, then Ask Her”

  1. Your not meant to clean your ears with Q tips? But that is what they are for.
    Also no one in Australia calls them Q tips – except my Mum. Everyone loved to make fun of me for Q tips. Personally I think calling them cotton buds is so lame.


  2. when my dad and my aunt were kids, my grandparents brought home fast food, and aunt julie saw it and was all “y’all went to rush’s??” and my dad said “no, julie, they just brought this home to fool us.” and julie said “what’s a hometofoolus?” so now, anything that’s not what it seems is a hometofoolus.


  3. I love Tallulah’s “morning ears.”
    We knew someone who pronounced all her “v” sounds with a “b” sound. So of course, we say “olibs” and “bodka.” All winter: “Has anyone seen my glubs?”


  4. First, you must know that I read the comments on every post and struggle to come up with pithy replies of my own. The sad, sad truth is that I have very little to say. Imagine then, my excitement when reading Huffington Post and I saw this headline: Smithsonian Requests Aretha’s Inauguration Hat (!!!!!)
    Finally! I can comment! (Does it still count if I am totally off blog-post topic?)


  5. Talullah has the cleanest, shiniest dog ears I have ever seen! Not one stalk, pod, or whatever form rutabaga grows to be seen. And probably cleaner than either of the kids ears where you could dig a whole bushel of potatoes.


  6. We also make fun of people for-EVER if they speak incorrectly around us. Because we are perfect. Sometimes it isn’t what they say, it’s how they say it. We just laugh and laugh and laugh, smug in our perfection. My sister’s friend always says “brefas” instead of “breakfast”. I like to say words such as “re-damn-diculous” or my perenial fave, “re-cock-ulous”. I also answer all of my sister questions with “Bullsh…” just like that. I never finish the word.


  7. My mom used to work with a grown woman who replaced all F sounds in words with TH.
    We still to this day say “I have enouth stuth…”
    Am I the only person who thinks the word ‘unretouched’ is redundant? Irregardless, I don’t like it.


  8. June, you forgot to mention that we were driving on Andre street when you threw up from guzzling the Pink Andre champagne…remember?
    Gee, it’s odd, this morning before i went to view your blog, the memory of the aforementioned event actually popped in my head. What a memory it was! Why couldn’t i save my psychic moments for something like the lottery.


  9. Oh, we are terrible mockers of those who innocently leave our presence. There are things someone might have said twenty years ago that are still active in our Lexicon.


  10. My mom did the same thing while cleaning my ears. Only she just stuck to potatoes – then implied that it would be a great side dish to supper. When I was little I was truly grossed about by that, but then I got older and realized she was kidding. I think.


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