Shhh. Don't tell Marvin. I had to use his deodorant today. Marvin gets really skeeved out when I use his deodorant, which in the grand scheme of being married 10 and a half years is kind of weird, if you think about it.
I mean, it's just, Hey, Marvin, you know that stick of chemicals that you rub in your just-showered skin every morning? Well, today I put it on my just-showered skin. It is hardly the grossest thing, you know?
(That said, if he ever used my toothbrush I would DIE DIE DIE a million deaths, cause, ew!)
Anyway, Marvin uses straight deodorant, not antiperspirant, so long about noon, I'm all, why am I sweatin' to the oldies, over here? So I went to the grocery store and got my own actual deodorant, which I'm sure make a big difference in your life.
But let me ask you, she says, not letting this captivating subject dry up just yet. So to speak. Are you brand loyal to your antiperspirant? I'm not. I don't know if anyone remembers during Bye Bye Buy when I had to use up the antiperspirant I had that smelled exactly like a new doll, and I HATED it but because of my whole no-spending rule, I could NOT buy new stuff until it was used up. Oh, that was torture, smelling like Baby Alive for three months.
So, today I got Secret brazilian cherry. And yes, it is lowercase like that on the package. What do you think a Brazilian cherry is, exactly? A cherry that's really waxed well? Further reports pending.
In other news, I tried to order that silvery, metallic dress today, but when it came time to pay for it, I just couldn't stand it. Have I mentioned we're a tad light in our wallet loafers right now? I know that made no sense.
So you know what I did? (And by the way, I appreciate the go-to-Macy's tips, but in 1997 I wrote a $7 check to Macy's, which was all I owed them for a credit card payment, and they cashed it for $700, and tried to tell me I miswrote the check, even though I was holding a copy of the check in my hand when they told me that, and they never, ever said they were sorry even though I said to them "All I want is an apology." For that reason I have never shopped at Macy's ever since. Ever.)
I went on eBay, that's what I did. They have brand-new dresses on there, tags still on 'em. And I bought one!
I hope it fits. But it's returnable. Then also too, I went back to the mall and got sparkly little sweaters to wear over top for NINE DOLLARS, marked down from $99 and $129. Hello. I was totally being my Aunt Mary, who is forever finding Chanel suits for 99 cents.
I know that's a terrible photo. I was talking to the dog. Let me try another.
Yes, this is better. Here I am choking the dog. Festive!
Here is the other sweater I bought. Again, nine dollars, so I could live large. I figure if these don't look good with the dress I can wear them to work and tell them I'm moonlighting for the Ice Capades.
What is interesting to me is not the sweater, but why Winston in in that odd crouch in the background. Perhaps he is worried I will get him in that choke hold next. Anyway, you can close just the top of this sweater, so maybe it'll work with that dress. Or I could leave it open. You know I will dance every dance, so at that point the whole dress will come off and I will be in my undergarments. I mean, you know that, Sandy, right? And there is going to be the Chicken Dance, isn't there? And YMCA?
So, if neither of these little toppers work I can keep looking. Which means you can keep hearing about this until the end of February. And maybe I'll run out of deodorant before then too! Man, do I know how to keep the reader wanting more.