Hooray! Hoorah! We’re on our way to the ball!

HairAnd this, my friends, is what washing dry, coarse hair with clarifying shampoo will do. Warn your loved ones.


So, hey, have y'all been remembering to check my comments of the week, affectionately referred to as Special of the Week, because everything here has to be pie-related? I update it every Saturday, and if you have provided me with an email address, I will email you to tell you you are this week's brilliant commenter.

And speaking of your brilliant comments, my balls are made. I actually ended up with lots more poultry fencing than I thought, so I may make more. I have to hang them in the trees to see if I need more. It was raining tonight, so you can imagine that both Marvin and I were rarin' to get out there and hang.

And speaking of raring…

DSCF1537Who is tired?

Who was tired at 6 p.m., and still at 7:30 p.m. and who finally put herself to bed at 8:00?

DSCF1542This dog day care is wearing a girl out.

I did call her and make her come in so I could be rude and pose her with one of the balls…


…but she didn't care. Do you like how we have almost no rugs at all anymore because Ruby pees on them? It is fun to be us. As is evidenced by Marvin's happy expression.


So, here's the ball tutorial that is so much like how The Nester would do it. So, what you do is, you get like 24 feet of poultry fencing, which as you can glean doesn't irk me in the least, because it's CHICKEN WIRE, folks. They are used cars, not preowned, and it is CHICKEN WIRE.

Then you measure out 45 inches of it, and you take these dreadful little wire clippers and dredge up the strength of Sampson and clip them and I do not see how anyone could be strong enough to do that and my boss had to do it each and every time.


Then you get out gloves that you use to call hawks over to your arm and you meet the ends of your poultry fencing to form a cylinder, and you twist the horrid sharp little ends together and even though you have your hawk gloves on, you end up getting your sweater caught in all the ends and then when you take the gloves off to untangle your sweater you cut your hand to ribbons on the sharp shards of metal, slicing an artery and bleeding out on your boss's floor.

At least that was my experience.

After you have twisted those horrid, sadistic ends together, you lay (if I just lay here) the cylinder down, and mash mash mash (you do the monster mash) all those sharp ends down, then you pick the stupid thing up again, and on each side you fold fold fold the tops down to make a circle.


But of course you can't really MAKE a circle out of a cylinder of steel, but you try, and you get kind of globby tops, and you end up thinking of that scene from Ghost where Demi Moore is making the pottery and you wonder why you never could look that cute with short hair and no makeup, and if you tried that look you'd just get hit on by beefy women. And then you get the Unchained Melody theme in your head all afternoon and you think about how annoyed you are by people who refer to Unchained Melody as "Theme from Ghost."

At least that was my experience.


Finally, you take TWO strands of outdoor, colored lights, and sticking the FEMALE end (tee-hee) into the steel "ball" which of course isn't that circular or ball-like, you start wrapping the lights around and around, then when you are done with the first strand you plug the SECOND strand in, and every time you are just about done your boss will say, "Did you remember to plug those in to see if they work?" and you wonder if you can get fired for saying the F word in front of your boss during lunch because of COURSE you didn't remember to check, why does she think you remembered THIS time, you haven't remembered any of the other times and has she MET you yet?

At least that was my experience.

Finally, you will end up with seven lovely balls, all of which you will have to carry to your car on a rainy evening down some rickety metal stairs, causing one coworker to say, "Hey! You look like the safety video they make you watch at orientation!" before screaming off into the night without helping you.

But aren't they pretty? They were kind of hard to photograph, and even harder to get my cats to pose with. I look forward to the divorce-inducing experience we will have sticking them into the tree.

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At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

27 thoughts on “Hooray! Hoorah! We’re on our way to the ball!”

  1. The picture of Marvin makes me giggle because it looks like you caught him sneaking that bowl of cereal or ice cream (or whatever his late-night snack of choice might be). My husband likes to maow (his word) on toasted PB&J sandwiches after I go to bed. I’m so not controlling at all. Really! I don’t know why he feels he has to hide the eating from me!
    I’m excited to see pictures of your balls up in a tree, though! Will you be hanging them with more ultra-sharp wire, or some other crafty solution?


  2. Hate me, I think I’ve seen your hair bigger.
    I wonder what my straight-laced husband will say when I tell him our huge tree out front needs balls. I guess we’d have to then purchase a ladder for our own divorce-inducing ball-hanging.


  3. Are you sure you didn’t get your finger in the electrical outlet? ROFL!!! Sorry, but you photo just cracked me up. Those balls of yours are quite, shall we say, large. After your tutorial I’m not sure I want to risk the hazards involved in making them. I manage to injure myself on our necessary projects around the house without adding to it. I think doggie daycare was just the thing for that little puppy. I bet she doesn’t want to go for a walk after you come in from work. 🙂 When you hang your balls, be sure to post a photo. Poor Ruby, is she doing better?


  4. You are so brave to make so many large balls! I have enough balls in my house, so I don’t think I’ll be crafting with poultry fencing this season.


  5. Love the balls, love your willingness to be crafty, love that you moan about it the whole way through. You make me laugh.
    I am sending my dog to doggy day care if it would make him as tired at Lula. She looks so peaceful. Don’t you love an exhausted dog? More rest for you and Marvin.


  6. “It is fun to be us.” BWAH Hahahahahaha!
    BTW, Big Hair That I Covet, today I used volumizer shampoo AND conditioner, then spritzed liberally with “root lifter” before styling (with my head upside down so the hair would be “fuller”). Then I went outside, into an ice storm, where I was forced to EMPLOY MY HOOD. The hairs. They are flat. And limp. Woe.
    I know, I know, grass is always greener, blah blah, but I think it’s easier to get big hair to behave than to get thin hair to look ANYWHERE NEAR HALFWAY DECENT.


  7. Who the H – E Double Hockey Sticks thought up such a craft???? Was it that danged Martha Stewart? I loathe her. Her and her braided freindship bread.
    Nice job on the balls. Even nicer job on the tutorial. I am officially requesting a tutorial on hanging those bastards.


  8. I told you before that I thought I was beginning to look like you, but I am thinking it may be our hair. We have the same head of hair. Only mine is brown. Is your hair really thick too? By the way, when you had it straightened by the pro, it looked so good. But I can so identify with your hair. It’s my hair. We have the same hair.


  9. Big hair? L’Oreal Kerastase Oleo Relax. Works wonders, but you’ll have to take out a loan for it. Trust me though.


  10. Why buy those things when you can spend quality time with your boss severing arteries and teaching her new curse words, eh? Gotta love ya, June!


  11. Your balls are very pretty June. But seeing as I am about as crafty as you are (so, not at all), I am just going to enjoy the pictures of your balls instead of making my own. Also, I wouldn’t know where to put them. Our tree is three feet tall. I think that’s including the little pot it’s in. I have yet to go to a dollar store so I can buy a few decorations for it.


  12. I’m personally impressed at the spherical-ness (sphericality?) of the balls. I can’t make something even to save my life. And after I FINALLY got lights for my tree, took the few decorations on it down, carefully wound the lights ’round and ’round, got to the end and…….female end. Not the end with both the plug and the socket. God friggin’ d@mn it. Oh, and….
    But I don’t think they’re as charming as the ones you made.


  13. Teehee you said balls…teehee. (yes I am a 12 year old boy) snicker.
    Oh June how I feel your pain with the clarifing shampoo. Did you know head and shoulders will do the same thing????


  14. REALLY!?!?!?! I will have to go to an Aveda salon, smell it, see if my throat closes up, if it does some schlub at Aveda will have to call an ambulance, but if it all works, and my hair looks good? Totally worth it. Thanks!


  15. Awesome! Although I’d rather have one of those tacky inflatable things instead of going to all that work. And I hate those inflatables!
    I’m a new lurker, find you hilarious and charming. I know you said you use a salon product and just tried the other because of the pretty bottle and all, but if I may give an unsolicited recommendation, Aveda makes a product line called Smooth Infusion that is the bomb for coarse hair. Seriously, the best I’ve ever tried. That’s all.


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