Good night, Detroit!

I am back from Funeral Tour 2008. Did you miss me? We flew out of Charlotte on Monday, only to land in Detroit and learn of ANOTHER death as soon as we got there, so we went to two funerals in a 24-hour period.

Marvin Gardensalad's grandmother's funeral was really very nice. They captured her perfectly in her eulogy, and it was good to see everyone. One of my nieces is a genius, and I do not say that in a she-is-my-relative-and-I-have-an-inflated-view-of-her way. Seriously, she is scary smart.

The grownups, which frighteningly includes me, were talking one night and every time we couldn't think of something we'd call her in. She is nine, and we kept looking to her for the answers to life. She is like human Google.

"Emma? What's the difference between alligators and crocodiles?" She totally knew. "Emma, where are the Galapagos Islands?" She not only knew, she knew about the Galapagos Islands being famous turtle islands. (Don't even act like you knew that.)

Anyway, the thing about funerals? And all the funeral activity after? Eating. People eat eat eat. Why is that, do you think? And Marvin's family have all these traditional Jewish-y things that they eat, which includes red meat and MANY ding-dang sweets.

But I want you to know I did pretty well. I did have two bites of seven-layer cake, which would make it 14-layer cake, and I had lamb chops, which I have no idea if they are fattening or not. But I really ate a lot of the vegetables, one single slice of cheese, and decaf coffee or water instead of soda most of the time.

We didn't do a lot of exercising, unless you include the 46 times I walked from Marvin's parents' house to his aunt's, which are a block apart. So I have to catch up on the exercising.

Which brings me to another point. One of my commentors, who shall remain nameless but whose initials are Nancy Donnelly, suggested I train for the Iron Man triathlon or something so I can be more inspirational. First of all, Nan, I've got two words for you and they ain't "let's dance." I think I have to know how to ride a bike before I can train for a triathlon. However, I was reading Oprah Magazine again on the plane ride home (because I continue to be not cool at all), and there was an ad for one of those breast cancer walks, so I am thinking of training for that.

Years ago, when I trained for a marathon, I got in the best shape of my life simply because I was too horrified not to. Run 26.2 miles? Yeesch! I'd better go practice. It was the perfect incentive, or incenative, as my grandmother would have said.

And finally, in closing, I do have to tell you that today was not what you'd call a healthy eating day. We left Detroit early and headed to a small town called Essexville, where a good friend's father's funeral was today. I am so glad we got to go to this other funeral, as my friend spoke eloquently about his dad and it made me wish I had known the guy better, and also? Essexville? Either I have changed dramatically since I moved out of Michigan 15 years ago, or that town got really cute while I was out of the office.  Heart Essexville! Am I crazy? Michiganders? Your thoughts?

Anyway, we left in the a.m. without eating, went straight to the funeral, and then had to dash back to Detroit for the airport. So I am sorry to tell you that I had Taco Bell somewhere in there. And then? When we landed in Charlotte? We went to Barbecue King, which was absolutely delish.

But have I mentioned that I was going to let myself have one day a month to eat badly, just so I wouldn't lose my mind? My IDEA was that I was going to let myself eat badly the third Sunday of every month. I have no idea why. But I thought it'd be better to schedule it, or else I'd start off every day thinking, "Today will be my screwup day!" So I didn't plan today, but there is no way to deny it was screwup day for sure.

Okay, getting out of these black clothes, finally. Been doing my Johnny Cash impression all week.  Hello. I'm June GonnaEatThat.

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June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

21 thoughts on “Good night, Detroit!”

  1. Can I also just say that I’d take an entertaining blog over an inspirational one any day? Because 1. the inspirational blogs really just make me feel bad that I’m not being incredibly successful and more inspirational, and 2. inspirational people might end up getting overwhelmed, what with us all trying to be inspired by them all the time, and nobody needs that kind of pressure.

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  2. I totally knew the thing about the turtles, because one of the characters on Rocko’s Modern Life was a Galapagos turtle. But she’s too young to have known that because of watching that show.

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  3. Hey, I was on a diet (or should I say I was making new “lifestyle” choices) and it recommended that I cheat for 2 meals a week. Not 2 days, mind you. Two meals. I still use it as a basic guideline.

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  4. Essexville has been a suburb of Bay City for as long as I remember. It has grown over the years as has Bay City which is a beautiful city on the bay (hence the catchy name). It has boat races in the summer and condos along the water, a vibrant downtown, wonderful restaurants, fine local theatre and nice people. It has lumber baron mansions and neat well tended smaller neighborhoods. The housing is afordable. It’s a great place throughout our four seasons. I like winter. When I walk in the park each day I see deer, fox, possum, geese, owls, and other living things. We see baby animals in the spring and flowers pushing through the fallen leaves. When the canapy covers the floor of the woods the flowers go but the overhead leaves provide shade and coolness in contrast to the sunny heat outside the woods. In the fall everything gets a bright color and then goes to sleep. In the winter kids are snowboarding and sledding down the hill in the park. I love Michigan and have always been glad I lived here. There is water all around us. It’s green in summer, not scorched and brown like so many places get in summer. I wouldn’t live anywhere else.

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  5. The cheat day sounds reasonable. I do know, in the past, when I have achieved my goal weight I can stay on my eating program all week and then eat “reasonable junk” on the weekends and maintain my weight. That’s AFTER I have met my goal. The walk sounds like a worthwhile event, the exercise is just a plus. Glad you are back, I missed your posts.

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  6. Dear Lisa (mother of Emma),
    Glad to know your little human Google knew about the tortoises. I’m impressed! I don’t think I knew about that until high school and I went on to be a marine biologist!
    Happy New Year & give a gold star to Emma for me! 🙂
    By the way, I’m the other Lisa that is June’s friend!

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  7. I don’t know how you could find anything in Michigan cute this time of year: skeletal trees; gray slushy ground (or else dormant brown lawn); bitter winds; and people penguin-walking to avoid slipping, tilting their heads into the wind to avoid that most painful of maladies — snow-in-the-ear… in my opinion the only time Michigan looks good in the winter is in between the time I see a new snowfall in its pristine perfection (through the window, natch), and when I have to shovel that off my driveway and my miles of sidewalk. I have to go stare at my tropical island calendar now. We’re in a winter storm advisory right now, by the way.

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  8. Just to defend my little human google she did say tortoise. In fact she pointed out that Galapagos means tortoise so it is funny when someone says ‘Galapagos tortoise.’

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  9. Thanks for spreading my info all over the ding-dang internets, KD!
    And also too? I don’t believe I said Iron-MAN. I think I said Iron-GIRL. Look it up…. Big difference.
    And if you do that 3-day walk or whatever, if we can do it somewhere that’s a compromise for both of us, I’d do it with you!
    What or where the hell is Essexville? You’re making that up…….

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  10. Hi June. Totally off topic–(I bet you hate it when I do dashes)my sister and I were talking about your blog yesterday because we have no life. And we were wondering what next years blog topic and name would be. She suggested “Bye Bye Guy” and you could leave your husband. A little harsh, I know but it would be a good read and certainly rhymes. Just a suggestion.

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  11. Ok. I’m a bit of a smarty pants when it comes to animals and, in fact, the Galapagos islands are well-known for the tortoises NOT turtles. And they have iguanas that swim in the ocean. No where else do they do that.
    End of Biology 101. You are dismissed for the day.

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  12. Why do older people make up their own language?
    A few examples from an elderly friend:
    Tylenol= tidinoll
    suspension=expansion
    homosexual=homosectional
    WalMart=Walmarks
    Lowes=Lowells
    P.S. Allow yourself a “free day” once a week.

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  13. Nice to meet you both this week, sorry it was under these circumstances. You are too funny! I have never heard of Essexville either….

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  14. The husband of one of my friends is a personal trainer so they exercise and eat healthy like you wouldn’t believe. And they do one cheat day a week.
    I love your new blog.

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  15. Essexville? Other than the 7-year-stint in West-By-Gawd-Virginia, I’ve lived in Michigan my entire life and never even heard of Essexville.
    Maybe it’s one of those ‘fake’ towns that just pop up.

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  16. June,
    I am also a convert from Bye Buy Bye and love this new blog as well.
    I did a 3-day Breast Cancer walk this past year. Go for it! It was a life changing event! Not only do you get exercise, but its’ fun, memorable and you are making a difference!
    Shoot, come walk w/ my team down here in good old Fla! You can buy a ticket down here now 🙂

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  17. Glad you’re back! I’ve missed your posts. I like the one screw-up day a month. But I’m thinking you might need one a week. I’m just sayin’.

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  18. Hi, my name’s Kelly, and I’m a lurker. I have been stalking you since Bye Bye Buy, which was all of two weeks ago. The line that won me over entirely? Long- walk- off- a- short- pier,- you- are- funny- for- thinking- that… Very funny.
    And I eat butter on a daily basis. So, can we be friends?
    Welcome home from your funerals.

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